craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy
i'm like deliriously tired right now. my legs are weak. tomorrow (well...today) is going to be crazy.
eliza's birthday/addie's birthday/darfur luxury fast/fast of gedaliah/harmony place/topic presentation/life
it's okay though because i actually love crazy days here...it makes me feel necessary.
i ate the most delicious pear today. it was very unripe. so unripe it left my teeth feeling dry like sandpaper. it had the tangiest, tartest flavorand the most satisfying crunch when i bit into it. that was a good moment standing in the common room thinking about life and eating a pear.
because i had just come back from the gym, i was still marveling at how my body works and eating this pear was the perfect finale.
i ate a lot today but i'm not beating myself up over it because there's the fast tomorrow. poor gedaliah. actually, i bet he was an asshole...i can just see that being the case. did you know he was a politician? anyway, he was killed by another jew. i think this is one reason it's a fast day; we hate when jews kill jews. but i hate when people kill people which is what is happening in darfur. wait darfur is REAL? how? in 2005? hotel rwanda and the babies being pulled away from the nuns and the car driving over bodies and the holocaust and the hatred and the sons asking the fathers why do they hate us and the daughters asking the mothers why are they raping us. that's NOW in MY world and that is some fuckin bullshit. this is not what i signed up for. food tastes like sawdust and the air suffocates me when i remember.
you know what i mean?
i love asking that. no one really knows exactly what i mean except myself and that makes me treasure my own little brain with its connections and neurons and spongy gray stuff so much. it's mine mine mine like the toddler with the happy meal toy. and you know what? even if it was in someone else's head it wouldn't be the same. i am just a combination of all these insanely cool things rolled up into me me me...mimi! you wanna know something else crazy? i was me forever. always! even before i can remember! i can just see little embryo mimi floating in all that placenta and then do this big fastforward and here i am, 18 years old, with all my moods and thoughts and tears and joys and all those accumulated experiences called my life.
it's really all pessoa's fault i'm being so reflective. stupid pessoa. i bet he was kind of an asshole, too, you know? well. that's just what we get.
oh i love new years. it's like beginnings without all the craziness of change. you know what i mean? because it's a new year but i'm still here so i don't really have to start EVERYTHING all over again...i just get to pretend i have this pretty clean slate. so far so good...
todya i went to curtis and curtiss in JE to read pessoa. i promptly fell asleep (which i knew i'd do because that's what everyone does in curtis and curtiss). anyway, i had just eaten dinner so i had all this gas inside me. yup, i farted. loud. so loudly, in fact, that it woke me up. it was SO embarassing! the other girl in the library pretended not to notice.
eliza's birthday/addie's birthday/darfur luxury fast/fast of gedaliah/harmony place/topic presentation/life
it's okay though because i actually love crazy days here...it makes me feel necessary.
i ate the most delicious pear today. it was very unripe. so unripe it left my teeth feeling dry like sandpaper. it had the tangiest, tartest flavorand the most satisfying crunch when i bit into it. that was a good moment standing in the common room thinking about life and eating a pear.
because i had just come back from the gym, i was still marveling at how my body works and eating this pear was the perfect finale.
i ate a lot today but i'm not beating myself up over it because there's the fast tomorrow. poor gedaliah. actually, i bet he was an asshole...i can just see that being the case. did you know he was a politician? anyway, he was killed by another jew. i think this is one reason it's a fast day; we hate when jews kill jews. but i hate when people kill people which is what is happening in darfur. wait darfur is REAL? how? in 2005? hotel rwanda and the babies being pulled away from the nuns and the car driving over bodies and the holocaust and the hatred and the sons asking the fathers why do they hate us and the daughters asking the mothers why are they raping us. that's NOW in MY world and that is some fuckin bullshit. this is not what i signed up for. food tastes like sawdust and the air suffocates me when i remember.
you know what i mean?
i love asking that. no one really knows exactly what i mean except myself and that makes me treasure my own little brain with its connections and neurons and spongy gray stuff so much. it's mine mine mine like the toddler with the happy meal toy. and you know what? even if it was in someone else's head it wouldn't be the same. i am just a combination of all these insanely cool things rolled up into me me me...mimi! you wanna know something else crazy? i was me forever. always! even before i can remember! i can just see little embryo mimi floating in all that placenta and then do this big fastforward and here i am, 18 years old, with all my moods and thoughts and tears and joys and all those accumulated experiences called my life.
it's really all pessoa's fault i'm being so reflective. stupid pessoa. i bet he was kind of an asshole, too, you know? well. that's just what we get.
oh i love new years. it's like beginnings without all the craziness of change. you know what i mean? because it's a new year but i'm still here so i don't really have to start EVERYTHING all over again...i just get to pretend i have this pretty clean slate. so far so good...
todya i went to curtis and curtiss in JE to read pessoa. i promptly fell asleep (which i knew i'd do because that's what everyone does in curtis and curtiss). anyway, i had just eaten dinner so i had all this gas inside me. yup, i farted. loud. so loudly, in fact, that it woke me up. it was SO embarassing! the other girl in the library pretended not to notice.