this is the point where you should stop reading
do things ever happen to you and you step back and say "wow that was the most amazing thing ever. this very moment is going to change my life!"...but then you find yourself eating cold chinese food in front of the open refrigerator and you realize your life isn't changed. so maybe it was just that one moment. maybe you have to recreate that moment. so you try to write about it. but it can't be recreated and the truth you thought you reached right then just doesn't ring as clearly.
was the epiphany false?!
oh lord please i think i'm like stephen dedalus. and i'm realizing now why i hated him so much. because he is me i am he (just like with HER. i hate what is like myself. but that's another story for another depression :)) because stephen is an artist he always sees the beauty and the poetic moments. so he all of these wonderful things happen to him and every time he thinks he has it all worked out, life just keeps going and it turns out he's still stephen dedalus.
i think jonathan cloar said it best (can it be?) when he told me that the truest epiphanies can only be deemed such after a long time and much introspection. that the moments/realizations that actually change our lives are ones you least expect to do so.
so it's all about expectations, really. maybe next time i'll just tell myself "this had no impact on my life whatsoever" and then in 2 years it will? no, that won't do either. i hate how i push logic onto everything that should jsut be left illogical or just unexplainable.
but the feelings of today are still important. and i still do feel like that guy from office space when he left the hypnotist and i still do feel like i'm in a snoglobe and i still do wonder. so it wasn't an epiphany...it was still some cool ass shit and at least now i know i can still feel, right?
was the epiphany false?!
oh lord please i think i'm like stephen dedalus. and i'm realizing now why i hated him so much. because he is me i am he (just like with HER. i hate what is like myself. but that's another story for another depression :)) because stephen is an artist he always sees the beauty and the poetic moments. so he all of these wonderful things happen to him and every time he thinks he has it all worked out, life just keeps going and it turns out he's still stephen dedalus.
i think jonathan cloar said it best (can it be?) when he told me that the truest epiphanies can only be deemed such after a long time and much introspection. that the moments/realizations that actually change our lives are ones you least expect to do so.
so it's all about expectations, really. maybe next time i'll just tell myself "this had no impact on my life whatsoever" and then in 2 years it will? no, that won't do either. i hate how i push logic onto everything that should jsut be left illogical or just unexplainable.
but the feelings of today are still important. and i still do feel like that guy from office space when he left the hypnotist and i still do feel like i'm in a snoglobe and i still do wonder. so it wasn't an epiphany...it was still some cool ass shit and at least now i know i can still feel, right?