Weekly Update
Uh, I brooded quite a bit, but that's not out of the ordinary for me. Although my friend is trying to get me to stop by taking me out and being socially active, but that might not help as much if the mini test I took in Psych actually meant something (which it probably didn't) and I actually do have social phobia. I responded appropriately by being a bitch. I'm awful some days.
I've been on the run for a while. Gotta do this, gotta do that kind of bender. I've felt like I'm not doing enough with my life, and I'm at one of those weird transitional places right now and instead of just playing it cool, I've gone into hyper drive. And I'm trying to help my dad out with his work (which will hopefully turn into a job soon) and it all got to be too much on Friday.
I'd planned to go straight to the DMV after school Friday, but I detoured to get some food. When I finished eating I got a text from Dad telling me that he didn't get home and I needed to let Penny (our dog) out. So a little discouraged I rushed home only to meet Mom there (she'd gotten home right after Dad had texted me.) With that taken care of I departed. As I was driving up the road, Dad called me and asked if I'd come help him for a couple of hours. I was frustrated, I told him what I'd planned on doing and he said, "You can do it next week."
"Next week?" I repeated, voice going an octave higher. "Fine." And I angrily hung up the phone. Points for maturity for me. But I drove over to the center and took over stringing the racket he was on. I guess I got there around 2:45 and had planned on only staying for an hour or so because I had something at 4:30 and needed to leave. But he asked me to do two other rackets, and I ended up staying until 4:20, and by that time my phone was ringing off the hook. (On the plus side, that last racket was my fastest time at 23 minutes.)
I bolted out there and was off to pick up something for the get together (Life, the board game.) I call Mom to vent really, and to ask if she'd grab some DVDs for me so I could swing by and grad them. At the end of the phone call, I was off to buy Penny's insulin.
I got to Walmart, where they had every board game except for Life. And I had to wait 10 minutes just to buy insulin. By this point it was like 5:20-ish. I felt awful.
One of my friends called to see what was up, and I told her I was running late, sorry for the delay, and it'd be closer to six when I got there. "Are you okay?" she asked after I finished. I noticed my voice was flat. And as soon as she said that I wanted to cry. "Yeah. Gotta go."
I drove home without crying (because by God I'm NOT Will Shuester (sp?) from Glee) but then I walked in the door and Mom was there waiting with the wrong movies and I completely fell apart on her. God, it was awful, because I didn't even tell her why I was so worked up. But she chalked it up to teen stress and sent me on my way (after I'd swapped out the DVDs for the right ones.)
I finally got to the party and had an okay time. Learned how to play Life (married, no kids, and a lawyer, I think?) The concerned friend has a car now, which means she "doesn't need me" anymore. In my mind, at least. She proved me wrong in my doubt that she'd still want to see me when yesterday she came over after orchestra practice and watched How I Met Your Mother with me. And then demonstrated her driving skills (she's not that bad, actually.)
I talked to Mom about stuff that's been stressing me out, like college and what I want to do with my life~, and my lack of talents~. She told me to breathe, and relax, and not worry about it. Except I can't stop picking at that scab. I want to know what I'm good at, improve upon it, and do that for the rest of my life. A bit romantic sounding, but yeah. Feelings. Note how there's no relationships in there. My momma raised me right, you can't be happy with anyone else until you're happy with yourself.
It's the road getting there that's a bitch.
I've been on the run for a while. Gotta do this, gotta do that kind of bender. I've felt like I'm not doing enough with my life, and I'm at one of those weird transitional places right now and instead of just playing it cool, I've gone into hyper drive. And I'm trying to help my dad out with his work (which will hopefully turn into a job soon) and it all got to be too much on Friday.
I'd planned to go straight to the DMV after school Friday, but I detoured to get some food. When I finished eating I got a text from Dad telling me that he didn't get home and I needed to let Penny (our dog) out. So a little discouraged I rushed home only to meet Mom there (she'd gotten home right after Dad had texted me.) With that taken care of I departed. As I was driving up the road, Dad called me and asked if I'd come help him for a couple of hours. I was frustrated, I told him what I'd planned on doing and he said, "You can do it next week."
"Next week?" I repeated, voice going an octave higher. "Fine." And I angrily hung up the phone. Points for maturity for me. But I drove over to the center and took over stringing the racket he was on. I guess I got there around 2:45 and had planned on only staying for an hour or so because I had something at 4:30 and needed to leave. But he asked me to do two other rackets, and I ended up staying until 4:20, and by that time my phone was ringing off the hook. (On the plus side, that last racket was my fastest time at 23 minutes.)
I bolted out there and was off to pick up something for the get together (Life, the board game.) I call Mom to vent really, and to ask if she'd grab some DVDs for me so I could swing by and grad them. At the end of the phone call, I was off to buy Penny's insulin.
I got to Walmart, where they had every board game except for Life. And I had to wait 10 minutes just to buy insulin. By this point it was like 5:20-ish. I felt awful.
One of my friends called to see what was up, and I told her I was running late, sorry for the delay, and it'd be closer to six when I got there. "Are you okay?" she asked after I finished. I noticed my voice was flat. And as soon as she said that I wanted to cry. "Yeah. Gotta go."
I drove home without crying (because by God I'm NOT Will Shuester (sp?) from Glee) but then I walked in the door and Mom was there waiting with the wrong movies and I completely fell apart on her. God, it was awful, because I didn't even tell her why I was so worked up. But she chalked it up to teen stress and sent me on my way (after I'd swapped out the DVDs for the right ones.)
I finally got to the party and had an okay time. Learned how to play Life (married, no kids, and a lawyer, I think?) The concerned friend has a car now, which means she "doesn't need me" anymore. In my mind, at least. She proved me wrong in my doubt that she'd still want to see me when yesterday she came over after orchestra practice and watched How I Met Your Mother with me. And then demonstrated her driving skills (she's not that bad, actually.)
I talked to Mom about stuff that's been stressing me out, like college and what I want to do with my life~, and my lack of talents~. She told me to breathe, and relax, and not worry about it. Except I can't stop picking at that scab. I want to know what I'm good at, improve upon it, and do that for the rest of my life. A bit romantic sounding, but yeah. Feelings. Note how there's no relationships in there. My momma raised me right, you can't be happy with anyone else until you're happy with yourself.
It's the road getting there that's a bitch.