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nangbaby February 18 2010, 19:16:32 UTC
As someone who is monolingual and who messes up English so badly that most people dismiss it as "boring" and "incoherent," I sympathize with you. I would be completely untrue for me to write "I understand," as that cliche overstates any empathy and common experiences we have with each other. But, in the vernacular, I feel ya!

There is little more frustrating than the loss of the ability to express oneself. There are times where a precise word that crystallizes the fluid mixture of emotion, thought, and action is at the tip of one's tongue or fingers. It's hard enough for me to do this in English, the sole language I've learned, spoken, and written my entire life. That is the reason why I envy others who simply produce the written or spoken word on command in a colorful manner to carry meaning in an entertaining way. Even if they supposedly "work" at it, they are able to produce on command, instead of leaving a barren canvas of unrealized expectations and unshared dreams. It is precisely that ability to communicate and to convince that I lack, and that alienates me. I can only imagine the horror of trying to do so in Japanese, a language so structurally different than English that it would literally be impossible for me to learn it.

I'm glad you're optimistic enough to keep trying. From what it sounds like, though, it seems that even if you're disappointed in your lack of ability to express yourself, you have friends who can see beyond the gap of what you want to say and understand on a different level. Again, to borrow slang, they feel ya, and while it will never replace the need for you communicate what you want, it will help bridge the gap between comprehension and confusion. It's more important that they know and care how you feel rather than for you to tell them how you feel.

And, yes, I was emotionally affected by that Roger Ebert article (and I was ready to strangle Disney for their shitty actions, but given the way that company operates, I'm not surprised). It must be terrible for one to live like that, and I am amazed that he is not only able to write, but write even better than he did in the past (and he was great then).

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nangbaby February 22 2010, 23:31:00 UTC
Well, thanks. I have been told that I've been confusing and boring in many of my rants and replies, I presumed that my words carry those attributes at all time.

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miluda February 21 2010, 13:51:52 UTC
Yes, I'm very, very appreciative that they see beyond our language barrier and keep trying to include me in things. It was only months prior that they did not include me in too much, but as my language progresses and I spend more time with them, I feel more at home with this overseas group of friends.

I'm glad that he can write better than he did before-- since it's now his main method of communication. It makes me wonder at times when we lose things that the other portions of ourselves must make up for the loss. Things like, a blind person having stronger hearing, and the such.

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