graduation // family // friends // thanks
My mind has been very busy lately. Full of thoughts about school, some friendship stuff, other stuff...
I'm worried over a few things. I'm paranoid about a few others. Honestly, while I am out of a situation I have always wanted to be free of, I still have some worries. At least they don't feel so permanent.
This week is the last week of instruction.
The next week after that is finals.
That particular weekend has graduation.
I really can't believe it's happening, but it is. I just better pass all my classes and I'm off to graduate.
My sister wasted her first year in college and is in the same grade as me now... so that also means she's graduating. It seems like her graduation day is also on the same as mine. I told my parents just not to come to mine, but my mom insists she will come to both. Perhaps they will, then, if not, it's not a big deal.
I've got bigger eyes on something else.
I guess what I wanted to say is that I want to thank everyone who has supported me this far. Even some of those who have betrayed me, even some who have fought with me, even some who totally think I'm some other person from a few months ago. I can't do a thing to change what people think, but to continue on and be myself.
Truthfully, I still have some things left in the back of my mind and then I wonder when someone else will think I'm not genuine and when they will start putting their thoughts as truth about me, but I really should not care so much about those things. I should focus on things that I have planned to do and make them work out. Such is life, I suppose... I never thought I would have friends do something like that to me. (I guess I was just that naive, trusted too deeply? Who knows.) Not saying that you should feel sorry for me or anything, because I'm honestly trying to get over these feelings and regaining my confidence. I'd rather have my mind busy with other things that seem more fun and exciting. Unfortunately, you can't always control what goes through your mind, even if it is a fleeting thought. I'll get over it. At least, that's what I've been telling myself.
It's just really hard, coming from someone at the time really meant so much to you. It's been over a month, I'm sure, perhaps almost two, but who really is counting?
Either way, thanks everyone, because of your support, I've come this far. While my days of being a game moderator/master have ended, while my days of role playing have slowed to a stand-still, the days of my time at deviantart and being someone who sought down art theft, the days I spent at various forums, the people I have chatted with over the years... while my online time has been cut short... I still am very fortunate and glad that I have met you all, even if there were some ups and downs. Thank you.
I'd like to thank a few people specifically that have supported me for years (some of the online crew)--
Neon, for saying so much and listening to me. Over the years you've grown much more understanding and I really am appreciative of you. I still honestly will visit Brazil, it's definitely become a life goal perhaps you could say. It's been so many years... deviantart was such a long time ago, and I'm glad and fortunate that I was able to meet you at all. It's been about four years now, I think. Love you so much.
The CF crew that got close to me. Without you guys, I would have spent so many nights alone. You guys made me laugh so much and told me your honest words when I expressed some thoughts on things. Made me feel better when I was sad. Shared your stories about your life. Some of you guys know me for about 3 years, some 2. Gosh, I really just can't say it all in a little paragraph, so I'm going to stop here. I specifically want to name Hibari, as it wasn't for her, I really honestly would have gone back to role playing after _foreverfantasy. I really do love all you guys.
Nacchan, who just about doesn't know the power of her words and how much they mean to me. Honestly, your artwork has inspired me a lot on my own, your creativity and watching your art grow over the years (remember, I said that Elizabeth was a fan of your work? I saw some of your artwork from her in high school!), the success you've had, the hardships and your struggle on your everyday life to journey back to outer space has just been amazing. Was that also 4 years? Something like that, whoa. I LOVE YOU
Nangbaby/Serena Briefs, whom knew me when I was a pre-teen. I honestly thought you were much older than me, but when you're 12 or 13 years old, you really can't tell who is older than you by how much. You've always talked about how I'm so great and things like that, even though my own thoughts of myself didn't exactly match what you thought of me. I guess you having that kind of faith in me always meant a lot, too. We're still friends, aren't we? Gosh... I'm twenty-one now. If you knew me when I was 13, that's like 8 years.
Pax, for your countless amounts of kind words. You've never stopped wishing the best for me. I hope I didn't hurt in you any way before, 'cause you know, I was really oblivious to the fact that you liked me at all. I think I knew you for... 5? 6 years? Maybe 5. There was a period of time we weren't talking 'cause you disappeared somewhere, but you came back and found me. I'm always have and always will be happy that you've been just a great friend.
Laika and the group I met through her. I would have never thought that I would be so loved by a group of people who were from the Phillippines-- it really wanted me to visit the country and see you all! I still wish to do that-- to the honest truth, Brazil is actually on my list after Japan, so it will be a ways away before I actually go to meet you guys... which I really do hope I do someday! Laika's kind words have always held a lot of meaning to me, she's just sooo cute and makes me smile a ton. And thanks to Onee-chan, who has always been a supportive elder sister, telling me to go to sleep, and to rest. To the rest of you guys (ruzenka, Aku, maedinn, buta-chan, this_quiet) too, for your support and kind words~ ♥
Wen or Wenchin, I guess I could put you here, even though I knew you from my high school and just never really talked to you. You've said a ton of things that meant so much to me and I feel are really working for me relating to my current situation in life. I really ought to thank you for being there even if they were just a few words, so thank you.
Junmochi, who will probably never read or see this, as your artwork really inspired a lot of my own and your chats with such enthusiasm made me so terribly happy-- I really am not mad at you, I'm really glad you enjoyed those Loveless mangas...
Trudy, who makes me feel like I'm really special. I still remember when you called me at 12AM for my birthday. Made me feel really happy, 'cause the rest of that morning ended up with a lot of crying and yelling.
Kouji, for sticking around and trying to reach out for me during a time I wouldn't let anyone reach for me.
Minjung, who has disappeared off the internet, but is still totally someone who supported me during a hard time.
There are many more people I'd like to thank, but I think I will save some others for another post. You might be in my next post!
It's time for bed (3:49AM), and my first class of the last week of my undergraduate academic career will be starting soon.
I'm worried over a few things. I'm paranoid about a few others. Honestly, while I am out of a situation I have always wanted to be free of, I still have some worries. At least they don't feel so permanent.
This week is the last week of instruction.
The next week after that is finals.
That particular weekend has graduation.
I really can't believe it's happening, but it is. I just better pass all my classes and I'm off to graduate.
My sister wasted her first year in college and is in the same grade as me now... so that also means she's graduating. It seems like her graduation day is also on the same as mine. I told my parents just not to come to mine, but my mom insists she will come to both. Perhaps they will, then, if not, it's not a big deal.
I've got bigger eyes on something else.
I guess what I wanted to say is that I want to thank everyone who has supported me this far. Even some of those who have betrayed me, even some who have fought with me, even some who totally think I'm some other person from a few months ago. I can't do a thing to change what people think, but to continue on and be myself.
Truthfully, I still have some things left in the back of my mind and then I wonder when someone else will think I'm not genuine and when they will start putting their thoughts as truth about me, but I really should not care so much about those things. I should focus on things that I have planned to do and make them work out. Such is life, I suppose... I never thought I would have friends do something like that to me. (I guess I was just that naive, trusted too deeply? Who knows.) Not saying that you should feel sorry for me or anything, because I'm honestly trying to get over these feelings and regaining my confidence. I'd rather have my mind busy with other things that seem more fun and exciting. Unfortunately, you can't always control what goes through your mind, even if it is a fleeting thought. I'll get over it. At least, that's what I've been telling myself.
It's just really hard, coming from someone at the time really meant so much to you. It's been over a month, I'm sure, perhaps almost two, but who really is counting?
Either way, thanks everyone, because of your support, I've come this far. While my days of being a game moderator/master have ended, while my days of role playing have slowed to a stand-still, the days of my time at deviantart and being someone who sought down art theft, the days I spent at various forums, the people I have chatted with over the years... while my online time has been cut short... I still am very fortunate and glad that I have met you all, even if there were some ups and downs. Thank you.
I'd like to thank a few people specifically that have supported me for years (some of the online crew)--
Neon, for saying so much and listening to me. Over the years you've grown much more understanding and I really am appreciative of you. I still honestly will visit Brazil, it's definitely become a life goal perhaps you could say. It's been so many years... deviantart was such a long time ago, and I'm glad and fortunate that I was able to meet you at all. It's been about four years now, I think. Love you so much.
The CF crew that got close to me. Without you guys, I would have spent so many nights alone. You guys made me laugh so much and told me your honest words when I expressed some thoughts on things. Made me feel better when I was sad. Shared your stories about your life. Some of you guys know me for about 3 years, some 2. Gosh, I really just can't say it all in a little paragraph, so I'm going to stop here. I specifically want to name Hibari, as it wasn't for her, I really honestly would have gone back to role playing after _foreverfantasy. I really do love all you guys.
Nacchan, who just about doesn't know the power of her words and how much they mean to me. Honestly, your artwork has inspired me a lot on my own, your creativity and watching your art grow over the years (remember, I said that Elizabeth was a fan of your work? I saw some of your artwork from her in high school!), the success you've had, the hardships and your struggle on your everyday life to journey back to outer space has just been amazing. Was that also 4 years? Something like that, whoa. I LOVE YOU
Nangbaby/Serena Briefs, whom knew me when I was a pre-teen. I honestly thought you were much older than me, but when you're 12 or 13 years old, you really can't tell who is older than you by how much. You've always talked about how I'm so great and things like that, even though my own thoughts of myself didn't exactly match what you thought of me. I guess you having that kind of faith in me always meant a lot, too. We're still friends, aren't we? Gosh... I'm twenty-one now. If you knew me when I was 13, that's like 8 years.
Pax, for your countless amounts of kind words. You've never stopped wishing the best for me. I hope I didn't hurt in you any way before, 'cause you know, I was really oblivious to the fact that you liked me at all. I think I knew you for... 5? 6 years? Maybe 5. There was a period of time we weren't talking 'cause you disappeared somewhere, but you came back and found me. I'm always have and always will be happy that you've been just a great friend.
Laika and the group I met through her. I would have never thought that I would be so loved by a group of people who were from the Phillippines-- it really wanted me to visit the country and see you all! I still wish to do that-- to the honest truth, Brazil is actually on my list after Japan, so it will be a ways away before I actually go to meet you guys... which I really do hope I do someday! Laika's kind words have always held a lot of meaning to me, she's just sooo cute and makes me smile a ton. And thanks to Onee-chan, who has always been a supportive elder sister, telling me to go to sleep, and to rest. To the rest of you guys (ruzenka, Aku, maedinn, buta-chan, this_quiet) too, for your support and kind words~ ♥
Wen or Wenchin, I guess I could put you here, even though I knew you from my high school and just never really talked to you. You've said a ton of things that meant so much to me and I feel are really working for me relating to my current situation in life. I really ought to thank you for being there even if they were just a few words, so thank you.
Junmochi, who will probably never read or see this, as your artwork really inspired a lot of my own and your chats with such enthusiasm made me so terribly happy-- I really am not mad at you, I'm really glad you enjoyed those Loveless mangas...
Trudy, who makes me feel like I'm really special. I still remember when you called me at 12AM for my birthday. Made me feel really happy, 'cause the rest of that morning ended up with a lot of crying and yelling.
Kouji, for sticking around and trying to reach out for me during a time I wouldn't let anyone reach for me.
Minjung, who has disappeared off the internet, but is still totally someone who supported me during a hard time.
There are many more people I'd like to thank, but I think I will save some others for another post. You might be in my next post!
It's time for bed (3:49AM), and my first class of the last week of my undergraduate academic career will be starting soon.