Michiru breaks sudden hiatus.
Well, I was going to take a break from LJ (and some other online activities) but I think I feel the need to say something about this.
Today my family and I went out to eat dinner... that sounds all fine and everything, and normally it's okay and nothing really happens...
Okay, maybe that's wrong. Something does happen sometimes. Usually it's my sister and father fighting as they have similar personalities and tend to blow up easily. I used to be the same way, so I can't say it doesn't run in the family.
But today it was different. Everything seemed fine and dandy, and we were even on our way home.
We are in the car: my older sister, my mom, my dad.
And then on the topic of talking about how a new Wal-Mart was appearing (so close two other Wal-Marts) and various other related topics of Wal-Mart, we came across the topic of Medicare (can you find the connection?)...
My sister asked a question, and I didn't understand it, so I asked her to clarify it... because I didn't understand the question.
That was a huge mistake. The question wasn't directed at me, it was to my dad-- but the thing was, I thought we could all talk about the subject, because you know... it's a conversation, right?
So I said that I didn't really understand what she meant.
And she got upset at me. My dad also didn't understand her question, and was trying to express that he was confused, too.
And she felt like I was trying to explain something to her. Treating her like a child, or something. Saying that I talk down to her... you know, be really psuedo-intellectual and condescending... but I wasn't doing any of that.
She even poked at me using the word "crustacean" to describe crabs and lobsters as something too intelligent. That I have to be a smart-ass all the time, or something. That I just use too much complex vocabulary, and I do it on purpose just because I want to make her feel inferior.
None of that is true.
And just hearing so many things from many people that I have a secret agenda to make them feel bad or make their life worse in some way isn't helping, either. I don't have intentions to hurt anyone.
I'm not trying to prove myself or be intelligent.
She commented about how I always never smile, and such and such... that I'm trying to purposely run on someone's parade 24/7.
That I'm making her feel inferior.
It's kind of always been like this between me and her. I think it's like this because in high school, she's done that usual rebel thing while I studied and didn't socialize much. So I ended up getting higher grades, and I ended up being more family-oriented (as I had very few friends)... and her grades dropped because she spent more time socializing and going out doing things rather than studying.
She graduated high school, and then entered university. She failed her first year because she spent too much time socializing and not enough time studying. She entered a city college the next year-- that year, I started my university.
We're both the same year in education, but I'm younger than her. By one year.
It also doesn't help that my parents had always liked me just slightly more-- I tended to be calmer and listened to them. I was a very obedient child, and whenever they asked me to do things, I did them right away, because I really just had nothing else to do.
I imagine that's probably why she felt that way. I think there's more to it than that.
But I'm not trying to ruin her life, or make her feel bad.
I just feel bad right now. I guess that's all I really wanted to say. I really could just scratch out the above. When my family fights, everyone really, really yells. I didn't have to deal with this each time I lived at university... but I knew it would happen.
I just didn't think I'd find something out like that. Okay, maybe I got a feeling... still... actually hearing it is another story.
I don't think of bad things... I'm normally too optimistic...
Today my family and I went out to eat dinner... that sounds all fine and everything, and normally it's okay and nothing really happens...
Okay, maybe that's wrong. Something does happen sometimes. Usually it's my sister and father fighting as they have similar personalities and tend to blow up easily. I used to be the same way, so I can't say it doesn't run in the family.
But today it was different. Everything seemed fine and dandy, and we were even on our way home.
We are in the car: my older sister, my mom, my dad.
And then on the topic of talking about how a new Wal-Mart was appearing (so close two other Wal-Marts) and various other related topics of Wal-Mart, we came across the topic of Medicare (can you find the connection?)...
My sister asked a question, and I didn't understand it, so I asked her to clarify it... because I didn't understand the question.
That was a huge mistake. The question wasn't directed at me, it was to my dad-- but the thing was, I thought we could all talk about the subject, because you know... it's a conversation, right?
So I said that I didn't really understand what she meant.
And she got upset at me. My dad also didn't understand her question, and was trying to express that he was confused, too.
And she felt like I was trying to explain something to her. Treating her like a child, or something. Saying that I talk down to her... you know, be really psuedo-intellectual and condescending... but I wasn't doing any of that.
She even poked at me using the word "crustacean" to describe crabs and lobsters as something too intelligent. That I have to be a smart-ass all the time, or something. That I just use too much complex vocabulary, and I do it on purpose just because I want to make her feel inferior.
None of that is true.
And just hearing so many things from many people that I have a secret agenda to make them feel bad or make their life worse in some way isn't helping, either. I don't have intentions to hurt anyone.
I'm not trying to prove myself or be intelligent.
She commented about how I always never smile, and such and such... that I'm trying to purposely run on someone's parade 24/7.
That I'm making her feel inferior.
It's kind of always been like this between me and her. I think it's like this because in high school, she's done that usual rebel thing while I studied and didn't socialize much. So I ended up getting higher grades, and I ended up being more family-oriented (as I had very few friends)... and her grades dropped because she spent more time socializing and going out doing things rather than studying.
She graduated high school, and then entered university. She failed her first year because she spent too much time socializing and not enough time studying. She entered a city college the next year-- that year, I started my university.
We're both the same year in education, but I'm younger than her. By one year.
It also doesn't help that my parents had always liked me just slightly more-- I tended to be calmer and listened to them. I was a very obedient child, and whenever they asked me to do things, I did them right away, because I really just had nothing else to do.
I imagine that's probably why she felt that way. I think there's more to it than that.
But I'm not trying to ruin her life, or make her feel bad.
I just feel bad right now. I guess that's all I really wanted to say. I really could just scratch out the above. When my family fights, everyone really, really yells. I didn't have to deal with this each time I lived at university... but I knew it would happen.
I just didn't think I'd find something out like that. Okay, maybe I got a feeling... still... actually hearing it is another story.
I don't think of bad things... I'm normally too optimistic...