She's had a rough week. And more to come.
...well, I'm back from my mini-hiatus... sort of? Well, I shouldn't really freely say that as finals weeks rears its ugly head around the week's corner. ... but think of it, perhaps in two more weeks, I'll be home again... where I can get free food, see my parents, my siblings... have my room again, even though it's smaller than the dorm room...
...sleep in my own bed, even though it's more firm... and I like soft beds.
But just to be home. I guess that's all that mattered. Even if this place was newer, even if this place has my friends...
Somehow, I feel homesick, but I've made little effort to go home.
It sounds like something else I know. It sounds so similar. Maybe most of you don't know what I'm talking about, and maybe some of you do. I'm certain some of you do. Quite certain.
Well, when I'm at home, the only thing I can't do is probably start the server for openCanvas. I'm behind a proxy. Other than that, it's almost like being in my dorm, except the stuff listed above.
So... relating to that phone post, I had told my sister that I needed to return to school at a certain time... and her boyfriend said that I'd be back at the latest 1:30AM; and the time went by, and I warned them, I told them if they were planning to leave at such an hour, that we should have eaten dinner earlier, so that our long drive back could get me back to Santa Cruz in time.
Lots of arguing, fighting, crying to my mom, things like that. Somehow, they said to drive back, but not back to school... they wanted me to go back home, but I had to be at school. I was so upset. My sister knew that I hardly liked going to places... my family knows that I hardly like leaving the house, or my room... and she thanked me a lot while on the road there. She knew that I disliked going out like this, and she was very appreciative...
I really don't blame her. I know she's been having issues with her boyfriend doing these things... being too carefree, never checking the time, things like that. Always saying 'don't worry' and taking his sweet time. He's upset her more often about such an issue, and while I was really upset, I didn't blame her. But I saw it in her eyes that she blamed only herself for inviting me. I didn't want that. I didn't want that at all...
Well, there were some good parts of that trip. I got a treatment of what it would feel like to be twenty-one. I can say that it feels hardly any different than how I've been feeling... to be treated as an adult, or to be treated as a child-- a teen, perhaps those words would be more fitting. No, child... that works. I remember when I first came online those many years ago, I had everyone lie to me. "Protect" me... that my young, vital mind should never be tainted by those evils such as sex, and if people were lying to one another, not allow me into the truthful details. Everything must be nice, white, pure...
I hated that they kept so many things from me. Yes, my age... I told them I was 10... 11... 12... 13... none of those numbers mattered-- my words never mattered. "Tell me the truth, I want to know more..." Nothing.
I'm 20 now, and if I were to say the same things, people look me in the eye, tell me what I need to know. Or they avoid it. Because they're too scared to say it. But that's because of them. Not my age. As if my mental age and physical age suddenly matched, and I'm now "acting my age" or... "wise" rather than "mature"... I hate all of these things so much.
And when I want to have fun, I'm suddenly being immature. When did we lose how to have fun?
...so, how was I treated 21? Well, walking around in Reno alone meant that... I must have been 21. No parents watching my every move. I was afraid that some people would think that I'm younger than 21 because I'm so short, and look much younger than my age.
I asked someone where the sushi place was. He kindly showed me, and even accompanied me to the place. No one had ever done that before the last time I was here. I was 18 then. They told me to get away from the slot machines, even though I hardly looked or touched them.
He asked me how the slots were. I hadn't touched any. I just said they were fine.
...I received similar treatment at the restaurant. The server asked me if I had received free drinks, and I said I didn't drink. The sushi chef was amazed, and asked how I survived. I said I drank tea. I didn't even drink coffee. The server asked me if it was a personal reason, and I said it was. I said I didn't like the idea of something controlling me-- and by that same logic, I hated painkillers. Which I do. I said that if I wanted to get on top of a table and sing Broadway tunes, it was because I wanted to. Not because I was "looser" or anything. I don't mind if other people drink. I just don't want to do it for myself. I already had my chance in Vancouver. The ones that taste like juice taste like juice, and I simply am content with actual juice that costs less.
He thought it was the caffeine content in coffee which is why I wouldn't drink it, but then realized tea had it too. Haha.
It was good. I'm hungry now thinking about it.
...oh yes, I also went drag car racing. That was fun. I cut everyone off, got up to first, and was surprised my sister was following right behind me. She cut those people off, too.
What else. I went to the arcade, put in a quarter in the Soul Calibur II machine, and beat the whole game on one quarter. I lost interest doing the other games, so I went back to the car to nap.
And that was pretty much my trip in a nutshell, including the fighting above.
...I must finish all my artwork this weekend. Open Studio is Friday. I must have it all done by Monday... at least, the main artwork.
I... no, it's not stress, I believe it's just... nervousness. I wonder if the work I produce is good enough.
Just hold on, right?
Haruka got me a new frog... this frog was white when we got it, but it started to gain the color that was familiar of my other frog. This frog scared me today when it jumped over the divider and was belly up when I found it. I think it pretended to be dead because the goldfish on the other side of the divider kept poking at it. I freaked out and fished it out... realizing it was moving as soon as I touched it. I placed it back on its side.
Later, I found it crawling over the divider and going to the other side. I just never had this happen before. My first frog never liked crawling on the divider wall... hmm... well, at least I have net to move it back now.
And... the fish I got this week, one of them died. Sigh. I'm not sure what's going on... so many things dying on me. More so than just the pets themselves. Well. Let us hope the next two weeks will be better than that.
...sleep in my own bed, even though it's more firm... and I like soft beds.
But just to be home. I guess that's all that mattered. Even if this place was newer, even if this place has my friends...
Somehow, I feel homesick, but I've made little effort to go home.
It sounds like something else I know. It sounds so similar. Maybe most of you don't know what I'm talking about, and maybe some of you do. I'm certain some of you do. Quite certain.
Well, when I'm at home, the only thing I can't do is probably start the server for openCanvas. I'm behind a proxy. Other than that, it's almost like being in my dorm, except the stuff listed above.
So... relating to that phone post, I had told my sister that I needed to return to school at a certain time... and her boyfriend said that I'd be back at the latest 1:30AM; and the time went by, and I warned them, I told them if they were planning to leave at such an hour, that we should have eaten dinner earlier, so that our long drive back could get me back to Santa Cruz in time.
Lots of arguing, fighting, crying to my mom, things like that. Somehow, they said to drive back, but not back to school... they wanted me to go back home, but I had to be at school. I was so upset. My sister knew that I hardly liked going to places... my family knows that I hardly like leaving the house, or my room... and she thanked me a lot while on the road there. She knew that I disliked going out like this, and she was very appreciative...
I really don't blame her. I know she's been having issues with her boyfriend doing these things... being too carefree, never checking the time, things like that. Always saying 'don't worry' and taking his sweet time. He's upset her more often about such an issue, and while I was really upset, I didn't blame her. But I saw it in her eyes that she blamed only herself for inviting me. I didn't want that. I didn't want that at all...
Well, there were some good parts of that trip. I got a treatment of what it would feel like to be twenty-one. I can say that it feels hardly any different than how I've been feeling... to be treated as an adult, or to be treated as a child-- a teen, perhaps those words would be more fitting. No, child... that works. I remember when I first came online those many years ago, I had everyone lie to me. "Protect" me... that my young, vital mind should never be tainted by those evils such as sex, and if people were lying to one another, not allow me into the truthful details. Everything must be nice, white, pure...
I hated that they kept so many things from me. Yes, my age... I told them I was 10... 11... 12... 13... none of those numbers mattered-- my words never mattered. "Tell me the truth, I want to know more..." Nothing.
I'm 20 now, and if I were to say the same things, people look me in the eye, tell me what I need to know. Or they avoid it. Because they're too scared to say it. But that's because of them. Not my age. As if my mental age and physical age suddenly matched, and I'm now "acting my age" or... "wise" rather than "mature"... I hate all of these things so much.
And when I want to have fun, I'm suddenly being immature. When did we lose how to have fun?
...so, how was I treated 21? Well, walking around in Reno alone meant that... I must have been 21. No parents watching my every move. I was afraid that some people would think that I'm younger than 21 because I'm so short, and look much younger than my age.
I asked someone where the sushi place was. He kindly showed me, and even accompanied me to the place. No one had ever done that before the last time I was here. I was 18 then. They told me to get away from the slot machines, even though I hardly looked or touched them.
He asked me how the slots were. I hadn't touched any. I just said they were fine.
...I received similar treatment at the restaurant. The server asked me if I had received free drinks, and I said I didn't drink. The sushi chef was amazed, and asked how I survived. I said I drank tea. I didn't even drink coffee. The server asked me if it was a personal reason, and I said it was. I said I didn't like the idea of something controlling me-- and by that same logic, I hated painkillers. Which I do. I said that if I wanted to get on top of a table and sing Broadway tunes, it was because I wanted to. Not because I was "looser" or anything. I don't mind if other people drink. I just don't want to do it for myself. I already had my chance in Vancouver. The ones that taste like juice taste like juice, and I simply am content with actual juice that costs less.
He thought it was the caffeine content in coffee which is why I wouldn't drink it, but then realized tea had it too. Haha.
It was good. I'm hungry now thinking about it.
...oh yes, I also went drag car racing. That was fun. I cut everyone off, got up to first, and was surprised my sister was following right behind me. She cut those people off, too.
What else. I went to the arcade, put in a quarter in the Soul Calibur II machine, and beat the whole game on one quarter. I lost interest doing the other games, so I went back to the car to nap.
And that was pretty much my trip in a nutshell, including the fighting above.
...I must finish all my artwork this weekend. Open Studio is Friday. I must have it all done by Monday... at least, the main artwork.
I... no, it's not stress, I believe it's just... nervousness. I wonder if the work I produce is good enough.
Just hold on, right?
Haruka got me a new frog... this frog was white when we got it, but it started to gain the color that was familiar of my other frog. This frog scared me today when it jumped over the divider and was belly up when I found it. I think it pretended to be dead because the goldfish on the other side of the divider kept poking at it. I freaked out and fished it out... realizing it was moving as soon as I touched it. I placed it back on its side.
Later, I found it crawling over the divider and going to the other side. I just never had this happen before. My first frog never liked crawling on the divider wall... hmm... well, at least I have net to move it back now.
And... the fish I got this week, one of them died. Sigh. I'm not sure what's going on... so many things dying on me. More so than just the pets themselves. Well. Let us hope the next two weeks will be better than that.