Comments | milovichis: The Girl in the Tree house

milovichis

The Girl in the Tree house

Dec 14, 2005 01:31

Again, this is a story based on an event from childhood in my old neighborhood. That seems to be a motif of mine, recreating what happened and what could/should of happened in extrordinary or completely banal situations. I guess I like to idealize things, because after all nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it.

Mid-afternoon. As in, it is ( Read more... )

Comments 6

nikoluslovesyou December 14 2005, 15:25:38 UTC

The authorial voice suggests a small child, yet this small child uses blatant innuendo. I don't buy it, really.

The story seems more like a justification for sexual one-liners than for any dramatic or thematic purpose. The first few sentences were promising, but the rest didn't have much substance.

milo___inlove December 14 2005, 16:42:45 UTC

OH, whoops! Here, this is from my other journal, "You see, when I was about 3 or 4 and living on the east side of town we had this tree in our backyard. And on this tree we had this sort of pseudo-tree house on top of it, meaning it was just a piece of plywood laid across the branches, and if I remember correctly there were four major branches and it formed a square so it fit perfectly. At the time it this takes place it was fall like now and the branches were trimmed and bare. But I remember one day walking out back and finding a young blonde girl of about the same age as me sitting on top the tree house. I remember very vaguely climbing on top and we just sat there talking, what about I have no clue, I mean what do 3 or 4 year olds talk about anyway? But this is where it gets fuzzy, I remember climbing down and scraping my arms pretty badly in the process. My parents were mad at this and at the girl and I never seen her again, at least I don't think. In any case I'm stoked and I'll post it soon ( ... )

nikoluslovesyou December 14 2005, 20:59:05 UTC

If the story can't survive without the anecdote that inspires it, though, it should be revised. You have the bread but you need the soy meat.

milo___inlove December 14 2005, 22:32:26 UTC

Yes, that is true. In retrospect I find it's not that meaty at all.

Thread 5

milovichis December 14 2005, 23:00:23 UTC

I deleted Michael's comment because it was stupid.