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[milotic17]

I've been MIA for a while.  I think it's been at least a year now.  I've decided it might be a good idea to get back to writing here, though.  I'm not doing this in an attempt to reintegrate myself into the LJ community or anything--I had few followers to begin with, and I'm sure many of them have forgotten about me at this point--but because I

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[milotic17]

I guess that's part of what makes me feel hopeless. For years I was promised that if I ate well and maintained a proper weight I would be happy. No one claimed it was a cure-all, but they said I would be less depressed, less anxious, more social, would feel better about myself, etc. I won't say that nothing's happened; there's everything listed above, and obviously when you're not starving and sick you just function better, both cognitively and physically. I just don't know that good nutrition is the big answer. It wasn't there at the beginning, so I'm not sure why it would be there at the end. I know I've never maintained a period of being completely free of the ED for, say, years, but that's not what my depression is about. It wasn't caused by the ED, although I do understand that malnutrition can never help these issues. I don't know. Having ED thoughts that are less strong and frequent has certainly been a positive, but it hasn't really made me happier. Of course, the fact that I seem to be going back in that direction makes no sense, but hopefully that will change.

I'm just unsure of what to do because I feel like I've tried pratically everything, and I'm still stuck with the same messed up mind. It's hard to feel hope when you just can't see where it could possibly come from. I keep waiting because I haven't given up on the idea that something will change, but I don't know what, and whatever it is seems like it must be completely out of my hands at this point. That might not be true, but I feel like I'll try anything and there just isn't much of anything to try. How long is it reasonable to expect someone to hold on when you don't know when things will change, or if they'll necessarily even change at all?

Anyway, sorry to ramble and write so much. Thank you again for commenting. It really does mean a lot to me.