Goals
I’ve been wanting to do this since I saw unico_love do it a while ago. Anyway, you think of 101 goals to achieve in the next 1,001 days. I promised myself I wouldn’t make two types of goals: unhealthy goals (lose forty pounds, etc.) or unrealistic goals (be a completely happy, healthy person, etc.). Anyway, here are my goals.
1. Graduate from Mount Holyoke in one week (hopefully with some kind of honors).
2. Make the move to New York go as smoothly as possible.
3. Submit my thesis to the Mount Holyoke library.
4. Have a successful transition off of the Abilify.
5. See a psychiatrist who specializes in eating disorders about a potential alternative to Abilify.
6. Get my license (long overdue, obviously).
7. Work with my therapist (and possibly enroll in some kind of treatment program) to find healthy alternative coping skills to use to deal with intense moods and thoughts (i.e. no cutting, starving, and sleeping for ridiculous amounts of time).
8. Let my mother know that I’ve decided to go off of Abilify. (I am so afraid to do this because she is going to be beyond upset.)
9. Work on writing more short stories.
10. Get to know the people in my classes/people I may be living with at Sarah Lawrence and possibly make some friends (or, at the very least, some acquaintances).
11. Submit more of my writing for publication and hopefully get something published somewhere.
12. Finish my chaptered fanfics (“Always With You” and “Together”) and “Alphabet Challenge.”
13. Read and review more fanfics on fanfiction.net.
14. Be a more timely beta reader. (I like to think I’m a decent one, but sometimes I’m very slow.)
15. Post more on Serebii forums and consider creating an account on Bulbgarden forums. (Serebii and Bulbagarden are two Pokémon websites.)
16. Consider taking up the viola again and perhaps working towards playing in orchestras again.
17. Complete loan exit counseling for school. (LOL, this should be done, like, tomorrow.)
18. Arrange to have a treatment team in New York.
19. Be an active participant in my writing classes at Sarah Lawrence and talk in class. Also, don’t take criticism of my writing personally. (I think I’ve gotten pretty good at this already.)
20. Complete my memoir and look for an agent and editor with an eye towards eventual publication.
21. Be healthy and well enough to be a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding next June, and be at a weight that will allow me to look good in the dress. (If my weight drops too low I know I won’t look good.)
22. Consider enrolling in a yoga class when I move to New York.
23. Exercise regularly and in a healthy way. (I have trouble with exercise for two reasons. One, I tend to either overdo it or not do it at all. Two, my heart is not in the best shape and exercise can be dangerous for it, so I have to go lightly.)
24. Watch more anime and buy some on DVD if I can afford it. (I need to be careful about which anime I watch when, though. For example, watching Neon Genesis Evangelion when severely depressed is not a good idea.)
25. Maintain good contact with my parents when I move. I want to work on actually having conversations with them on the phone every night that consist of more than “I’m fine” and “Nothing’s going on.” I need to be more open about what’s happening.
26. Try to save some money and consider working for the next two summers.
27. See a regular gynecologist for an exam. (The one I see who specializes in endometriosis doesn’t do them.) I am long overdue.
28. Play more video games, because they put me in a good mood and are a good coping skill when I’m feeling distressed.
29. Stay away from diet pills when I go to New York. (I keep telling myself that I’ll be on my own and I’ll be able to buy them and take them without anyone knowing.) Diet pills can really screw with your heart, and I’ve messed with mine enough as it is.
30. Find good (inexpensive) restaurants in New York and treat myself to a meal out at least once or twice a month.
31. Refrain from buying a scale when I move.
32. Spend less money on clothing and shoes that I don’t need.
33. Read more! This is something I really need to work on.
34. To go with the above, read more books about things other than ED. Specifically, read more short story collections (which I tend to really like) as well as memoirs that aren’t about eating disorders and other mental illnesses.
35. Keep in touch regularly with people like Cherrie and my therapist when I move.
36. Work on adding more variety into my diet when I move. Refrain from eating the same things every day, which I very much did in college and which I kind of do at home, too.
37. Continue to watch the new episode of Pokémon (in Japanese) every week and to follow the anime.
38. Get back to crocheting and finish the blanket I started making for my sister.
39. Learn how to make a website and consider creating a blog.
40. Be more responsible for financial things and don’t leave everything up to my father.
41. Get my own apartment after I graduate from Sarah Lawrence (if I decide that that’s something I want to do).
42. Consider seeing a cardiologist again to get my tachycardia and palpitations checked and more under control.
43. Take advantage of things offered at Sarah Lawrence, such as free concerts and readings and talks. This is something I did not do at Mount Holyoke, and I kind of regret it.
44. Apply to the Bread Loaf summer writing conference after I graduate from Sarah Lawrence and have my manuscript ready. Hopefully I’ll meet someone there who might be interested in my work.
45. Work on being a better and more involved friend. (I feel like I’m not a very good friend.)
46. Consider actually having a romantic/dating life.
47. Eat a cheeseburger (my ultimate fear food that I have not had in many years)!
48. Work on having better posture. See a doctor about getting a brace if I can’t do it on my own. (I have absolutely abysmal posture, and it’s starting to cause pain and to worry me a little.)
49. Adopt a cat or two after I finish graduate school and move out on my own for good.
50. Keep my room at home and at Sarah Lawrence (wherever I end up living) neat and clean.
51. Figure out how to use Wifi so I can take advantage of the Wifi features on my Nintendo DS.
52. Consider volunteering, possibly at an animal shelter. (I volunteered at a hospital in high school, but I think that could be too triggering right now. Hopefully I’ll get to a point where I’ll be able to, though. I’d like to volunteer at Children’s Hospital in Boston, because I’ve seen a lot of doctors there and have spent a fair amount of time there.)
53. Actually take calcium like I’m suppose to so my osteopenia doesn’t turn into full-blown osteoporosis.
54. Stay hydrated, something I have a very hard time doing.
55. Eat more fiber, which might help my digestion (which is messed up).
56. Organize the music on my MP3 player better.
57. Consider getting an internship somewhere that involves writing or publishing before I graduate from Sarah Lawrence.
58. Find a TV show or two that I like and can follow regularly. (I don’t watch TV and haven’t in years, but I think having a show or two that I’m interested in could be a good thing as long as I don’t get too obsessed.)
59. Attend all my appointments with my new treatment team at school. Don’t skip out on them in an effort to get away with weight loss and behaviors.
60. Address my concerns regarding my reflux and possible treatments I can try when I next see my GI doctor. Also bring up all of the (very embarrassing) digestive issues I have.
61. Consider making it so that the status updates of triggering/eating disordered friends on Facebook don’t show up in my news feed.
62. Develop a more normal and regular sleep schedule. Find a way to get by on less sleep. Stop using excessive sleep as a coping mechanism.
63. Work on not skipping so many meals. Actually have a (gasp!) snack or two.
64. Consider seeing a nutritionist again.
65. Cry if I feel the need to. It doesn’t have to be something to be ashamed of.
66. Work on reaching out if I need help.
67. Take all of my medications as prescribed.
68. Stay away from triggering websites. (I don’t visit pro-ana sites or anything, but sometimes I search for videos about anorexia [not thinspiration ones!] on youtube and visit sites about anorexia. My guilty pleasure seems to be The Skinny Website, which discusses celebrity bodies/weight, although most of the time it ends up just pissing me off.)
69. Get good grades in my classes at Sarah Lawrence.
70. Get to know my professors and fellow students in the MFA program.
71. Actually feel anger. Express it. Write about it. (Some of my best writing happens when I’m angry, it seems.)
72. Make it through my two years of graduate school without having to take a medical leave.
73. Get a good job after finishing graduate school. Have a successful transition into the “real” adult world.
74. Keep my weight from going below 105 pounds this summer. (Odds are it won’t even get that low, because I lose weight slowly and may not be able to lose weight at all while at home, but I still think it’s an important goal to have.)
75. Do not give into temptation to reach the seventies (i.e. to weigh in the seventies).
76. Transition to adult doctors at home. Find a doctor who specializes in eating disorders for adults (right now I see someone who specializes in EDs through the adolescent medicine department at Children’s, but I’m really too old) and a good PCP.
77. Don’t be afraid to stop seeing a therapist if I don’t connect with him or her while I’m looking for a new therapist to see in New York.
78. Be able to shop for groceries on my own without having a breakdown. Make healthy choices in the grocery store.
79. Work on reincorporating caloric beverages into my life. I never, ever drink them and haven’t for a long time.
80. Keep up this LJ.
81. Get my own car.
82. Start eating candy again…in a healthy way. (I LOVE candy, and I’m always afraid that if I start eating it I won’t be able to stop.) Don’t use it as a replacement for real food.
83. “Indulge” in frozen yogurt every now and then while in New York. It’s something I really like.
84. Learn to accept a healthy body and to not obsess over the number on the scale.
85. Work through why I feel a need to be sick in therapy.
86. Stop holding grudges for things that happened years ago. Work on forgiveness.
87. Spend less time online.
88. Don’t’ save things until the last minute. Procrastinate less.
89. Set up an on-campus job at Sarah Lawrence.
90. Continue to write regularly.
91. Donate clothing and other things I no longer need to charity. Be able to part with things.
92. Go to the beach more. I love the ocean/beach, but I never go because I get sunburned too easily. I could go at night, though.
93. Consider attending my five year high school reunion in November (as much as I’m afraid to and kind of don’t want to).
94. Be honest with myself and with others about how I’m really doing.
95. Have a better experience at Sarah Lawrence then I did at Mount Holyoke.
96. Work on my social skills and making friends.
97. Refrain from buying a full-length mirror when I move at the end of August.
98. Decorate my living space at Sarah Lawrence in a way that’s pleasing to me.
99. Consider being more “cultured.” (I could attend the ballet and/or the symphony, two things I like but rarely do.)
100. Take better care of myself overall.
101. Successfully graduate with my MFA.
(Yeah, I’m not sure why it suddenly got that funny indent at #100.)
Wow, that was harder than I thought. Kudos if you read it all!