Way Too Tired
Well, the search for gainful employment slogs on. I passed the test for the electrician's apprenticeship program, though I still have the interview to go through. I have resumes and applications in at places from whom I haven't yet heard back. I haven't been getting enough sleep because I have to do all that and still want to work on my writing. I wish that there was some way that I could do all that I am supposed to do and still work on that. I have the blogs that are important to me, including this one, plus other projects, including two screenplays and a musical. I already cut down the Journals of the Storm Fury blog simply because I didn't have the time to work on it, due to both computer access and general time. As I said, I haven't been getting enough sleep. Sure, I've been getting between seven and eight hours, but anyone who really knows me knows that it isn't enough time for me to recharge my batteries.
If there was some way that I could work in writing time as well as working full time without getting overtired, I would be fine. Please don't tell me to just hold off on writing. I'm really tired of hearing that. Please don't tell me how important it is to find work. I'm really tired of that because I already know it. If anyone out there knows how to fit a lot in without losing your mind, please tell me. I just got mine back and I don't want it to leave again.
If you're wondering why I'm writing this now, I got upset earlier because I'm worried. If you know me, you know that it is not good when I get upset. In fact, it is very bad. I am worried and scared about the possibility of not being able to make my next loan payment. I just don't have the money. If I don't find work soon, I won't be able to. I got a four-month forbearance earlier this year and I don't really think I'll be able to get another one in the same year. What happened was that I felt like I was being pushed too hard to find a particular job, and that added to the stress from being scared and angry at myself for being scared, and I snapped. It wasn't bad for me, but that's not saying really anything, as anyone who knows me understands.
I would like to get the apprenticeship, but I would also like to get a job at Borders, a local pizza place and any coffee shop. What I'm scared of is not getting a job in time. Please don't tell me that I will get a job. Thank you, but I really need a reason to believe that it will happen in time. Just telling me that God will take care of me doesn't seem to do much good. I don't really know what it is, but I'm having trouble with faith. People just keep telling me that He's there and that He cares, but I just don't see Him doing anything. I feel like a heretic saying that, but I just don't see it. Yeah, I'm a lot better from what I was before I came here a year ago, but I still feel like there is a glass wall that I can never get through, just below the ability to work and be a functional human being.
I wish I could let everyone know more about what's going on, but I just can't get on for all that I want to do on the computer. I have to admit that webcomics hold a powerful draw for me, but that's mostly because I feel like the things that would be productive on the computer aren't worth anything because they involve my writing. I've been told too many times that I should just put it off and that I would be able to write later on in life. Well, that's enough of that. I'm going to find a way to work it in. If I put it off, I'll never get it done. I'm going to find a way to work it in. If anyone has anything to suggest that is actually a way to ease the stress, please let me know.
If there was some way that I could work in writing time as well as working full time without getting overtired, I would be fine. Please don't tell me to just hold off on writing. I'm really tired of hearing that. Please don't tell me how important it is to find work. I'm really tired of that because I already know it. If anyone out there knows how to fit a lot in without losing your mind, please tell me. I just got mine back and I don't want it to leave again.
If you're wondering why I'm writing this now, I got upset earlier because I'm worried. If you know me, you know that it is not good when I get upset. In fact, it is very bad. I am worried and scared about the possibility of not being able to make my next loan payment. I just don't have the money. If I don't find work soon, I won't be able to. I got a four-month forbearance earlier this year and I don't really think I'll be able to get another one in the same year. What happened was that I felt like I was being pushed too hard to find a particular job, and that added to the stress from being scared and angry at myself for being scared, and I snapped. It wasn't bad for me, but that's not saying really anything, as anyone who knows me understands.
I would like to get the apprenticeship, but I would also like to get a job at Borders, a local pizza place and any coffee shop. What I'm scared of is not getting a job in time. Please don't tell me that I will get a job. Thank you, but I really need a reason to believe that it will happen in time. Just telling me that God will take care of me doesn't seem to do much good. I don't really know what it is, but I'm having trouble with faith. People just keep telling me that He's there and that He cares, but I just don't see Him doing anything. I feel like a heretic saying that, but I just don't see it. Yeah, I'm a lot better from what I was before I came here a year ago, but I still feel like there is a glass wall that I can never get through, just below the ability to work and be a functional human being.
I wish I could let everyone know more about what's going on, but I just can't get on for all that I want to do on the computer. I have to admit that webcomics hold a powerful draw for me, but that's mostly because I feel like the things that would be productive on the computer aren't worth anything because they involve my writing. I've been told too many times that I should just put it off and that I would be able to write later on in life. Well, that's enough of that. I'm going to find a way to work it in. If I put it off, I'll never get it done. I'm going to find a way to work it in. If anyone has anything to suggest that is actually a way to ease the stress, please let me know.