This is not finished
I’m having dinner with a friend at some trendy upscale bar & grill downtown, having a beer and a cigarette, chopping it up as usual. Eyefucking the shit out of any pretty girls that pass us by, being the dogs we are. But there is one girl in particular who always caught my eye when she walked down the street from where we meet. Her name was Sylvia, she worked at the art gallery down K Street and was always putting in late hours, but of course at this point I didn’t know any of this. I just knew her comely and delicate featured face would show around this time. Schmidt or “Schmidtty” as we called him was always pushing me to talk to her. Yet, for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“Oh, c’mon man. You’ve snagged thousands of broads hotter than that!”
“Quit trying to boost my ego. You’re not the one trying to fuck me. Anyways, she’s different. I already know she’s not the type to be rolled up on the street like that.”
“Like that’s ever stopped you before.”
“Hey, I’m trying to reform my ways. I’m not ‘that guy’ anymore.”
“Ha! Yeah, well whatever man.”
It was true though. I was trying to break away from the shackles of being labeled a “player” or “womanizer.” Contrary to popular belief there’s nothing glamorous about being a womanizer. The truth is you’re nothing but an asshole with a habit. I might as well be a junkie with a needle in my arm but our society tends to reward this kind of behavior. Schmiditty and I were both seniors at the state university and I’ve probably fucked a higher percentage of the student population than I would have liked to admit. I’m probably the reason a lot of these girls transferred out. But what can I say? It’s too late to say, “I’m sorry.”
However, I wasn’t always like this. I used to be such a nice guy. This was before, when I was a freshman, before I met her. Her name was Lucian and I could have sworn her father’s name was Lucifer. You could say we were high school sweethearts but to be honest I don’t recall her from school at all. She was a few years younger so our paths never crossed. But we had mutual friends which is how we met, again. We moved into things quite fast. We made “love” the first night we “officially” met, but we barely knew each other back then, so I guess we were doing what 99.9% of kids our age do; we were fucking. Eventually things did progress between us and we did fall in love. But after two long and tumultuous years our relationship had run it’s course and I had to jump ship. At first I was relieved, but then later the depression set in. That shit hit me like a ton of bricks. I became increasingly despondent. I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t sleeping… I essentially ceased to be. I almost didn’t finish the rest of the quarter. Listening to my professors’ drone on was the worst. You could have gunned me down in the middle of class, honestly. And it wouldn’t have made a difference either way with how I felt at the time. Thankfully winter was around the corner and during the break I left. I rented some place out in the Redwoods and made sure I had a bottle to keep me warm by the fire every night. That money was supposed to go to our trip to Europe, but what the fuck did I care? She wasn’t coming back. I never told anyone why I left. People just assumed I went to see family but after I came back something in me snapped. Suddenly I didn’t care. Nothing fazed me and nothing could hurt me. Nothing meant anything and everything meant nothing. I was free. Everyone was replaceable, most especially women, and I was quickly making this a part of my reality. So you can guess this is where my rampage of broken hearts and burned bridges got its start.
So here I am watching Sylvia come my way and being reminded of all the horrible things from my past that make up my present, but why? Why does her mere presence bring all this up, I don’t know… Maybe I think that she can help me put all this behind me. I need to find a way to talk to her though. Schmidtty’s right, all this ogling of her up and down the street isn’t going to get me anywhere. It was maddening how emasculated I felt not being able to say a single word to her when I would have closed by the end of the night with any other girl. But maybe that’s just it; she’s not any girl. In any case my luck was about to change.
I was running late for our nightly dinner rendezvous so Schmiditty and I agreed to meet at the coffee shop not far from where we normally meet. I pull up to the side of the place and I can see Schmiditty outside on the patio reading the paper. As I’m heading over to get my jacket out of my trunk I see Schmiditty frantically gesturing over to me. my headphones are on so I can’t hear what he’s saying but he’s pointing over to my right. as I turn to look at what he’s pointing towards I nearly run into the object of his frantic gesticulations. Who could possibly be nearly toppling me over on her bike, but Sylvia herself!
“Sorry! I nearly knocked you off your bike.”
“Oh, no I’m the one who almost ran you over with my bike!”
“I had my headphones on so I didn’t hear you coming.”
“Yeah, well I was kinda… Texting & biking…”
“Well, at least you weren’t drinking & biking.”
“Who says I wasn’t?”
“Haha, hey listen I think I owe you an apology, how about over some coffee, with me and my friend over there?” I point towards Schmidtty who had been watching the exchange the whole time. He waves and smiles.
“I’d love to but I’m meeting some people. But we pass by each other enough, maybe we’ll meet again.”
“Okay, I’ll see you around friend.” I say as she peddles away.
I quickly walk over to schmidtty wearing the biggest shit-eating grin you ever saw. I didn’t get her number but it didn’t matter. I had already laid the ground work; it was just a matter of time. Or so I thought.
Just when things were going to plan my good fortune had taken a downward turn. Three days passed, a week, and no sign of Sylvia at all. Was she avoiding me? Unthinkable. Nobody would go through all the trouble of leaving such an opening and be dodging. In any case Schmidtty and I had our exams to focus on. So no matter how madly in love I was with Sylvia, there was no way I was going to blow off my exams to go off looking for her. My only free time was dinner time and since Schmidtty was preoccupied with his studies I opted to go without dinner. Coffee and cigarettes are plenty sufficient to sustain me. I knew that she had to live around here somewhere. Once I had seen her go by on her bicycle with a basket full of groceries.
“Oh, c’mon man. You’ve snagged thousands of broads hotter than that!”
“Quit trying to boost my ego. You’re not the one trying to fuck me. Anyways, she’s different. I already know she’s not the type to be rolled up on the street like that.”
“Like that’s ever stopped you before.”
“Hey, I’m trying to reform my ways. I’m not ‘that guy’ anymore.”
“Ha! Yeah, well whatever man.”
It was true though. I was trying to break away from the shackles of being labeled a “player” or “womanizer.” Contrary to popular belief there’s nothing glamorous about being a womanizer. The truth is you’re nothing but an asshole with a habit. I might as well be a junkie with a needle in my arm but our society tends to reward this kind of behavior. Schmiditty and I were both seniors at the state university and I’ve probably fucked a higher percentage of the student population than I would have liked to admit. I’m probably the reason a lot of these girls transferred out. But what can I say? It’s too late to say, “I’m sorry.”
However, I wasn’t always like this. I used to be such a nice guy. This was before, when I was a freshman, before I met her. Her name was Lucian and I could have sworn her father’s name was Lucifer. You could say we were high school sweethearts but to be honest I don’t recall her from school at all. She was a few years younger so our paths never crossed. But we had mutual friends which is how we met, again. We moved into things quite fast. We made “love” the first night we “officially” met, but we barely knew each other back then, so I guess we were doing what 99.9% of kids our age do; we were fucking. Eventually things did progress between us and we did fall in love. But after two long and tumultuous years our relationship had run it’s course and I had to jump ship. At first I was relieved, but then later the depression set in. That shit hit me like a ton of bricks. I became increasingly despondent. I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t sleeping… I essentially ceased to be. I almost didn’t finish the rest of the quarter. Listening to my professors’ drone on was the worst. You could have gunned me down in the middle of class, honestly. And it wouldn’t have made a difference either way with how I felt at the time. Thankfully winter was around the corner and during the break I left. I rented some place out in the Redwoods and made sure I had a bottle to keep me warm by the fire every night. That money was supposed to go to our trip to Europe, but what the fuck did I care? She wasn’t coming back. I never told anyone why I left. People just assumed I went to see family but after I came back something in me snapped. Suddenly I didn’t care. Nothing fazed me and nothing could hurt me. Nothing meant anything and everything meant nothing. I was free. Everyone was replaceable, most especially women, and I was quickly making this a part of my reality. So you can guess this is where my rampage of broken hearts and burned bridges got its start.
So here I am watching Sylvia come my way and being reminded of all the horrible things from my past that make up my present, but why? Why does her mere presence bring all this up, I don’t know… Maybe I think that she can help me put all this behind me. I need to find a way to talk to her though. Schmidtty’s right, all this ogling of her up and down the street isn’t going to get me anywhere. It was maddening how emasculated I felt not being able to say a single word to her when I would have closed by the end of the night with any other girl. But maybe that’s just it; she’s not any girl. In any case my luck was about to change.
I was running late for our nightly dinner rendezvous so Schmiditty and I agreed to meet at the coffee shop not far from where we normally meet. I pull up to the side of the place and I can see Schmiditty outside on the patio reading the paper. As I’m heading over to get my jacket out of my trunk I see Schmiditty frantically gesturing over to me. my headphones are on so I can’t hear what he’s saying but he’s pointing over to my right. as I turn to look at what he’s pointing towards I nearly run into the object of his frantic gesticulations. Who could possibly be nearly toppling me over on her bike, but Sylvia herself!
“Sorry! I nearly knocked you off your bike.”
“Oh, no I’m the one who almost ran you over with my bike!”
“I had my headphones on so I didn’t hear you coming.”
“Yeah, well I was kinda… Texting & biking…”
“Well, at least you weren’t drinking & biking.”
“Who says I wasn’t?”
“Haha, hey listen I think I owe you an apology, how about over some coffee, with me and my friend over there?” I point towards Schmidtty who had been watching the exchange the whole time. He waves and smiles.
“I’d love to but I’m meeting some people. But we pass by each other enough, maybe we’ll meet again.”
“Okay, I’ll see you around friend.” I say as she peddles away.
I quickly walk over to schmidtty wearing the biggest shit-eating grin you ever saw. I didn’t get her number but it didn’t matter. I had already laid the ground work; it was just a matter of time. Or so I thought.
Just when things were going to plan my good fortune had taken a downward turn. Three days passed, a week, and no sign of Sylvia at all. Was she avoiding me? Unthinkable. Nobody would go through all the trouble of leaving such an opening and be dodging. In any case Schmidtty and I had our exams to focus on. So no matter how madly in love I was with Sylvia, there was no way I was going to blow off my exams to go off looking for her. My only free time was dinner time and since Schmidtty was preoccupied with his studies I opted to go without dinner. Coffee and cigarettes are plenty sufficient to sustain me. I knew that she had to live around here somewhere. Once I had seen her go by on her bicycle with a basket full of groceries.