Snark of a really bad Yami no Matsuei fic, xposted from GAFF
92. The Deal by Saku-san reviews
What happen when Tsuzuki has finally had enough of Muraki’s killing, He’s so fed up that he even makes a dangerous deal with the psychotic doctor that may cost him Hisoka’s friendship, and love?TsuzukiXHisoka. One sided MurakiXTsuzuki Yaoi Lemons. Muraki.
Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 3 - Words: 9524 - Reviews: 10 - Updated: 3-14-06 - Published: 3-10-06
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2837809/1/
It's been a while since I've read YnM fic, so I decided to take a look back through the archives. Aside from the one typo in the summary, this actually looked somewhat good from the summary alone, because it seemed like it would be in-character and somewhat workable, unlike the MurakixHisoka rape as true love fics and the MurakixTsuzuki romances where Tsuzuki becomes the Weeping Willow of Japan. Unfortunately, this fic didn't live up to its summary, any of its summary, except for the typo. Because it is so full of typographical errors, misspellings, usage errors, urple, and generally miserable writing that if it were a parody, it would be a good fic. Unfortunately, it isn't a parody, but fortunately for us, it is unintentionally hilarious.
Falling cherry blossoms decorated golden brown locks of hair as Tsuzuki Asato made his way away from the judgement boreal, an expression of anger on is face, along with pure hatred in his beautiful purple eyes
The judgment boreal is where all bad northern things are judged, one guesses. Rather than, you know, the Judgment Bureau that existed in canon.
“Tsuzuki, do have any ideas on who it is?” He looked from the screen to Chief Kone, using every ounce of strength he had to keep calm..
Apparently Chief Konoe was replaced with a traffic safety "kone."
"Calm down Mr. Tsuzuki, Therese more”
Tsuzuki had finally decided to become a woman named Therese More?
He pushed a button on a laptop and a picture appeared on the screen of the male Vic. He too had short brown hair, like Tsuzuki, only his was thick and looked like cotton, unlike Tsuzuki’s fine shinny locks, also, he seemed untouched, the only injury was a stab womb to his stomach.
Muraki Kazutaka was experimenting with installing the first-ever male uterus. No one knew of his activities until a series of pregnant men arrived at local hospitals.
Angry and embraced that Muraki would Wright such a thing,
Wow, he's really an uke. Instead of being enraged, he just needs a big soft hug.
“These no way in hell I’m going to take Hisoka with me if Muraki is in the mood for rape…”
There's no way your canonical self would willingly go to be raped either. . .
That left him to were we me him now, angry and on his was to meet Muraki, but if he was going to beat him, once and for all he had to keep his temper…
Were we me him wa we who wha. . . it almost sounds like a song of some sort.
He had learned from past mistakes that loosing your temper and flying of the ball around Muraki was not a good idea.
Well, his balls seem to have flown away here anyway. Maybe Tsuzuki should have thought of that earlier.
“Were to bud?” The Taxi driver had a deep scruffy voice that matched his looks.
Werewolves in Japan are a distinct species that comes from a budding plant.
“You be headed to them their doctor’s place right?” Tsuzuki had to think about what was just said to him by the uneducated man driving the car he was ridding in. And for some reason, he began to feel very nervous.
Tsuzuki, NO! Bad dog demon! Bad!
“Yes, but I’m going to meet Muraki Kazutaka” The car cam to a immediate sop
This is why the Japanese Taxi Association requests that people not urinate in their vehicles, and has just instituted a policy that no more inu or neko people be allowed inside unless they can prove themselves housebroken.
“Very well, fallow me.” And with that Muraki turned on his heal
Muraki cast level 10 heal every few minutes as Tsuzuki used his powers to make the forest overgrown and unplowed. Then Tsuzuki awakened and realized he had played far, far, FAR too much Ragnarok Online.
Once inside, Muraki made a hand moisten to a seat,
He can generate his own lube! It's SUPER-SEME!
“Tell me something Mr. Tsuzuki, dos it anger you when I commit murder?” He used his whole hand to push up his glass’s as the falling levee’s add even more charter to cute little temple like house.
Within minutes they were underwater, and Muraki was looking for his insurance charter.
“Wow” Tsuzuki drooped his bag and stared at the amazing room in which he was to stay at, it had a large king sized bed lots of pillows, there was a baloney with sliding glass doors,
Tsuzuki vowed never to go to sleep hungry again, because every time he did, he dreamed of houses made of food. This was strange, since he never really liked baloney anyway.
By the time he had come out of the bathroom Mr. Sagura was gone. And If he wanted to, he to could levee, but he wasn’t going to do that. He couldn’t be so selfish as to let all those people die just because he didn’t want to ‘belong to’ Muraki. He had no choice, I mean he couldn’t kill Muraki, he knew he was no were near strong enough. He would just have to play along.
Of course Tsuzuki could kill Muraki. Unfortunately, if he killed Muraki, that would give Muraki the powers of a Shinigami, not something he really needs at this point. . .
“Good, now to seal the deal…” He pulled pack a bot so that he was looking his brunet beauty on the eyes. He reached in his back pocket “Close your eyes” Tsuzuki did as he was told with out argument. Muraki pulled out a leather caller and placed it around his neck, and closed the lock with a snap.
Someone has seen too much PL Nunn art.
On to chapter 2. . .
I Sakyua, do not own Decencies of Darkness… Well, not now, I will once I rule the plant anyway….
Decencies of Darkness, the series created about a dead James Dobson, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Brent Bozell, Fred Phelps, and a few other "moral conservative men" being eternally punished by being locked in the same room together and having to pretend they have no interest in various pretty bishounen paraded before them. First man to get an erection gets thrown in a closet with Gackt for the rest of eternity.
News: In this chapter I’ll be adding an Original Charter! (The first one I’ve ever created)
Oh yay, it's the Suvia Charta.
At this point in time All Asato Tsuzuki wanted to do was cry. To be alone, away from every thing, especially Muraki. He had been forced to move in the Temple like house that Muraki Lived in. He was nothing anymore, just some pet for Muraki.
002 Asatotsuzuki
Type: Weepy Masochistic Slave
Evolution: Slightly sensitive male > a bit ukeish male > crying female slave stereotype from romance novel
Height: Much smaller than in canon
Gender: It used to be male but who knows now?
UKEDEX ENTRY
Gold: The tears coming out of ASATOTSUZUKI's eyes are convenient for attracting fangirl interest and semes alike. This UKE is a master at wangst, cutting, and suicidal emo behavior.
It made no seance, and anyway… poisson wouldn’t have too much effect on him.
For some reason this makes me think Tsuzuki is hosting seances with a software development company.
Muraki was kneeling down behind were he was sitting. He was wearing his normal white suet with his white trench cote, along with his classic sicko smile.
When your lover comes home wearing only white suet, you know he has something in mind. ;)
Once there he put all of his unpacked items back in the box. There was really no point in arguing with him. Right now there was no way in frozen hell was he going to be able to beat Muraki. He was still to week, but then again, Muraki makes a lot of people feel week.
Japan had switched to the newly invented Muraki calendar method of measuring time.
“I do,” By this time Muraki had already unzipped his pants and had taken Tsuzuki’s manhood in his hands running his thumb over it gently.
“What’s the matter Mr. Tsuzuki?” He had no idea what to do the touch felt weird. He might even go as far as to say it felt, nice!
Muriaki’s breath was hot on his neck and ear, he was scared, and all considering his current position, he certainly could not go to the restroom. He felt stiff all over, his spin seemed to hold him up right. He slowly moved his own hand down to his now-stiff rod, in attempt to remove Muriaki’s Firm, yet gentle grip.
Manhood? Rod? It's a two-for-one sale on euphemisms.
Sakuya Yamietoe,
When your Mary Sue sounds like a foot disease, you have issues.
was by far, the angriest girl, no young lady, on the face of the planet. Assuming you could even call the judgement burial the ‘planet’.
“Tatsumi!” She yelled as she stormed into the Office, causing him to jump slightly as he was surrounded by papers, more then like accounting for money again.
“Sakuya, what bring you hear, this isn’t your department?”
"I'm a Mary Sue and I'm here to save the day!"
Chapter 3
Tsuzuki didn’t respond, he acted as if he hadn’t herd, taking that as a ‘ I don’t want to tall you’ Hisoka shrugged it off and stepped in as the doors opened to revile an empty elevator.
"OMG STFU U ELEVATOR UR EMPTY NO ONE LUVS U!!!111"
xposted from GAFF.