(Untitled)

[aaaaaaaagh_sky]

"Does anybody here want scorpion parts?" Ellen asks as she stomps through the door, power armor clanking. "I've got plenty. Stupid things come out in the dark."Her armor's pretty splattered in gray-green arachnid blood and scored in places with the marks left by very tough chitin. This has not been the best day she has ever had, no

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[crabbycustomer]

Karkat perks up at that, and bounces up from his seat on the couch.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR THEM? IF THEY AREN'T EDIBLE I COULD PROBABLY ALCHEMIZE SOMETHING COOL WITH THEM."

[aaaaaaaagh_sky]

"I've heard some of the meat is-"

Ellen pauses; she's just seen the speaker. Mutants back home don't really come in colors other than green and some sort of purplish-blue. On the other hand, they don't come in sizes that small, either, so he's probably not a mutant. Maybe an alien. And since he's not a green alien with three fingers on each hand- heck, he's got hair- he's not the bad kind of alien.

"-well, I've heard some of the meat is edible to humans, but I've never been able to get much of it out of the carapace myself," she resumes. "It's pretty thick. Poison glands as big as my fist, too, if you have use for that. I'm open to a lot of trade possibilities- depends how much scorpion you can take off my hands."

[crabbycustomer]

He frowns, in thought not displeasure. "IF IT IS EDIBLE I CAN TAKE AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE, SCORPION TREATS ARE A TRADITIONAL SWEEP'S EVE SNACK. I WILL BE THE MOST FESTIVE MOTHERFUCKER GOING."

"HOW POISONOUS ARE THESE POISON GLANDS?" The troll metabolism can handle a certain amount of poison. It's like hot sauce.

[aaaaaaaagh_sky]

"Some of the raiders and tribespeople out there dip darts in the glands to paralyze their targets' legs with one hit," Ellen says. "I've got one on me, actually- hang on-"

It can't hurt to give him a sample, right? Unless it's, y'know, hurting the way poison generally hurts.

"There's a woman my friend Corazon knows who makes a casserole with these things. I have no idea how she does it, but apparently your whole mouth goes numb in the process."

[crabbycustomer]

"HAHA, YES, THAT SOUNDS LIKE ARACHNID SNAPS. EXCELLENT, MY FRIENDS WILL BE SURPRISED AS SHIT BY MY HOLIDAY SPRIT."

He looks at the gland. "HMM, THIS LOOKS JUST LIKE A FAT JUICY SUPERCHELIDAE SWEETBREAD. I USED TO SEE THIS THINGS ALL THE TIME IN THE LAWNRINGS." He licks it and his mouth goes numb.

"HYAH THATH THEH SHTHUFFHHH."

[aaaaaaaagh_sky]

... so not human. Okay then.

"There's four to six of them available- we kind of disintegrated one of the scorpions," Ellen says apologetically. "The two scorpions left have... mph. The central masses are about as big as my torso, where they haven't had holes blasted in them or something. I can drag one in for a look and we can talk about the price on what's left."

[crabbycustomer]

He nods. "OKAY, THAT SOUNDS ACCEPTABLE. IF YOU ARE STILL DRAGGING SHIT AROUND I CAN THINK OF SOMETHING THAT WOULD BE VALUABLE TO YOU, MAYBE."

[aaaaaaaagh_sky]

"If it means I don't have to carry my equipment on my back or my Brahmin," Ellen says as she heads for the door, "I'm all ears."

She returns dragging a respectably-sized radscorpion- not one of the truly giant ones, but one easily as long as she is tall with a tail to match- and wincing about the mess it's gonna leave on the floor. Well, she'll mop it up or something.

"How does this one look?"

[crabbycustomer]

"TASTY. AND REALLY FUCKING FAMILIAR." He examines it. "I DIDN'T THINK HUMANS HAD TO DEAL WITH CREATURES LIKE THIS ON THEIR WORLD."

[aaaaaaaagh_sky]

"We do in my time," says Ellen. "It's 2278 back home. These things mutated to be huge after a nuclear war. This isn't even the biggest one I've ever seen, but the real giants are the size of a Corvega and I couldn't move one of those alone."

[crabbycustomer]

Karkat makes a considering grunt. Yet another timeline that made it past the 4/12/2008 deadline. But it doesn't sound like it went very well for them. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT A CORVEGA IS," he says. "BUT I KNEW A KID WITH A GIANT ONE OF THESE FOR A GUARDIAN. HE WAS KIND OF A DICK."

"HANG ON A SECOND, I THINK I MET SOMEONE FROM YOUR WORLD ONCE. SHE HAD A BRAHMIN, TOO, THAT'S WHY I REMEMBER." Karkat liked the two-headed cow a lot better than most people he meets.

[aaaaaaaagh_sky]

"It's a car, an old pre-War model, about as long as-" She looks around and indicates some of the tables. "Those, put end to end." She then pauses. "A guardian? Good Lord, who was out to kill him if that's what was guarding him?"

Come the second part, though, Ellen nods. "That was probably Sativa," she says. "I know her- she's from the western part of North America, and a couple of decades before my time. She helped me get the hang of looking after my own Brahmins."

[crabbycustomer]

He shrugs. "WHO WASN'T TRYING TO KILL HIM? THAT IS HOW IT WAS GROWING UP ON ALTERNIA."

He rolls the name Sativa around in his sponge. "YEAH, I THINK THAT WAS HER NAME. I MOSTLY REMEMBER THE BRAHMIN. IT HAD IDEAS ABOUT MY HAIRSTYLE."

[aaaaaaaagh_sky]

"Sounds like the surface, honestly," Ellen says. "At least, outside the city walls. It's amazing how much of the stuff up there just wants to kill you and how many people would be happy to do the same thing."

She smiles a little at the Brahmin comment. "I can believe it. Groucho and Harpo tends to try and lick people's heads, or eat their hats if they're wearing any within range. He's... not all that bright."

[crabbycustomer]

"YEAH, BUT THAT IS A LITTLE MORE ACCEPTABLE BECAUSE COWS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE BRIGHT. WHEN AN ANIMAL IS DUMB AND DESTRUCTIVE IT IS JUST BEING A FUCKING ANIMAL, IT DOESN'T REALLY PISS ME OFF UNLESS PEOPLE ARE DOING IT WHEN THEY SHOULD KNOW BETTER."

He straightens up from inspecting the scorpion. "OKAY, IF THE OTHERS ARE LIKE THIS ONE I AM WILLING TO TRADE ONE OF THE INVENTORY MANAGEMENT SYSTEMS I SCAVENGED FROM THE BATTLEFIELD FOR IT. IT IS NOT AS GOOD AS A REAL SYLLADEX BUT IF YOU ARE STILL PULLING SHIT AROUND ON ANIMALS YOU WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE."

[aaaaaaaagh_sky]

"Fair enough," says Ellen. And, "How would something like that work? I mean, how do I operate the controls, I probably wouldn't understand all the mechanics of how it works."