(Untitled)

[dalekity]

Dalek hasn't been seen in the bar, for some time.

Possibly this is because it has been devising new and wonderful methods to help patrons through their problems? But probably not.

Still, it's downstairs now, by a booth, with a sign.

FREE COUNSELLING. FREE. FREE. FREE.

It's free.

[And the mun must now reluctantly ask for no new threads, for

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[obnoxiousadams]

"Why," John wonders aloud as he passes by, "would a trash bin be offering counseling services?"

[dalekity]

"Trash bin?" Dalek has learnt of the subleties of tonal variation. Thus, this particular shriek has undertones of disgust. "I am a Dalek, feeble human! Daleks are the supreme beings of the universe!"

[obnoxiousadams]

John stops.

Very abruptly.

In fact, he almost trips over his own feet as he spins around and eyes the now-talking trash bin with wide eyes.

"Wha -- ?"

[dalekity]

"Are you suffering from hearing difficulties, human?" Screeching, louder and louder. "You have insulted the Daleks!"

[obnoxiousadams]

John blinks and squints at the Dalek, taking a little step back.

"Okay, okay, so you're not a trash bin. Forgive me, the mind of a man in love is often distracted."

... Dear God, he sounds like Franklin. THE SKY IS FALLING!

[dalekity]

"Sit! Speak! Tell me your problems, and I will provide helpful advice." It's not a request. It's a screamed demand.

[obnoxiousadams]

John nearly squeaks and sits down in the nearest seat he can find, folding his hands neatly in his lap.

"I've found the most gorgeous woman in the entire Universe and she wants nothing to do with me."

Cry!

[dalekity]

"Have you considered drastically devastating the human race so that you're the most attractive man in the Universe, thus requiring that you must repopulate the Universe with her?"

[obnoxiousadams]

That is... not something John had ever considered.

But desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

"No!" John says, scandalized.

[dalekity]

"Are you certain?" Dalek screeches, a little louder. "I'm sure somebody here could engineer a super-virus for you."

[obnoxiousadams]

"No, that would not be a good plan, especially not now. We're on the brink of war as it is!"

He frowns.

"There has to be something less destructive I could do."

[dalekity]

"You wouldn't be on the brink of war if there was nobody to wage war."

A pause.

"What about leaving anonymous messages, unsigned? And little dolls? And phoning her, breathing heavily, before hanging up?" Beat. "There is a song you could serenade her, over the phone, that I know. That way, she wouldn't be bothered by your lack of attractiveness."

[obnoxiousadams]

John blinks.

"What is this phone you speak of?"

... did he just get insulted by the talking garbage can?

[dalekity]

"It is a piece of twenty-first century technology," Dalek would sigh, if it could. "What year are you from, human?"

[obnoxiousadams]

"1776."

...

"Why would I want to breathe heavily and hang up? That accomplishes nothing."

[dalekity]

"It lets her know you have healthy lungs."