(Untitled)

[song_tra_bong]

Between having her lover fuck buddy boyfriend pain-in-the-ass Tarot card that she sometimes sleeps with make an illusionary double of her, having to convince people said double was not actually her and talking two of her friends out of hating her forever, Mary Anne's had a busy few days. She's beginning to think staying locked in her room was a

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[ruinous_fortune]

He sprawls along her table, face near hers.

"Come now, Legs. You knew such things would have to have happened. You're important to him."

[song_tra_bong]

Her lip curls and she shoves her chair back from the table.

"So you figured since you knew I'd never go there of my own free will, an illusion was the next best thing. You sick son of a bitch, they believed it was me! They thought I was capable of that..."

Her grip on the fork tightens; if it wouldn't get her in trouble, she'd have buried it in his eye already.

[ruinous_fortune]

He snorts.

"He also thought that his lover was the one who raped him last night. Gorlim throws himself into the illusions."

[song_tra_bong]

And the floor get yanked out from under her one more time.

"He...he what? You didn't, tell me you didn't..."

[ruinous_fortune]

His eyes glitter with triumph.

"He came to my room, but the illusion was already in place. I walked in, looking like his lover, and convinced him he had only dreamed he had gone to my room. Then I spoke the words they both knew but wouldn't say, and forced him onto the bed."

Ruin smiles.

"With his god's face, I took him. Not violently, but roughly, cruelly, with little care for his enjoyment. He left believing it was his lover. Oh, how I wish I could have been there for the aftermath, because I can bet the god won't be pleased that Gorlim could even think, let alone believe, that he was capable of such disregard for him."

[song_tra_bong]

The fork clatters to the floor.

OhGodohGodohGodohGod don't touch me nononodonottouchme with your hands anyone's hands don't touch don't touch don't touch

"Oh God..."

It doesn't seem like God's listening anymore.

[ruinous_fortune]

Views on 'God' are subjective.

He slides a little closer on the table, moving her plate away.

"Don't look so hurt, Legs. You knew."

Not the specifics, but she knew him and that it would only ever grow worse.

[song_tra_bong]

"Not this, not like this I didn't."
my dove my beautiful bloody dove what has he have I have we done to you
Deny it enough and you'll almost believe.
don't touch me don't touch me don't touch me
Believe it enough and you'll almost be able to sleep at night.

[ruinous_fortune]

His hand reaches out to run fingers up her leg, his eyes never leaving hers.

"He cried. Actually cried. Not from pain or humiliation, but from true hurt and betrayal."

[song_tra_bong]

She flinches, jerking her leg away.
betrayed betrayed betrayed ruiner ruins everything she sees
"Don't you fucking touch me," she growls.

[ruinous_fortune]

Ruin pouts up at her.

"Shame on you, Legs."

He grins then.

"You could've warned them. Told them. Broken your word to me to save him. Choices. Always, always choices. Part of this lies at your feet, too, whether he realizes it or not."

The card slips from the table, walking around behind her chair, and encircles her in a tight, almost-crushing grip.

"You wanted to play, Mary Anne. Now you realize what the game is? It's too late to change your mind. Part of it, all the way to the end," he murmurs hotly against her ear.

[song_tra_bong]

"If I save him, then he doesn't get his chance."

And that's no choice at all.

"Just one more thing I'll have to learn to live with."

His arms are around her and it hurts; she gasps, eyes gone glassy with pain and fear and other, older things.

"Just one more thing," she repeats, voice the barest whisper.

[ruinous_fortune]

"One more thing among many."

His grip loosens just a little, enough to let her breathe.

"But you still had choice. You could have ignored his chance and saved him now. You didn't. You chose to let it continue, to allow him the chance."

Lips press to her ear.

"Amor caecus est, Mary Anne. Amor est vitae essentia.."

[song_tra_bong]

"Save him for what? To live without hope? That's not a choice."

She laughs briefly, the sound low and ragged.

"You and your damn Latin."

You and your damn love.

[ruinous_fortune]

"I told you that you should learn it."

He slides around to look at her.

"Then do not look at me with such cruel hatred when I do only what I was made to do. I am the Ten of Swords, Mary Anne. I cannot be the mortal I once was, and I can never elevate beyond what I am now."

Fingers trace her shirt where his name lies.

"He lives. Be content with that. Forget the trials he has endured and look to what I have showed you. And believe there is more I can't show you."

It was the confliction found in all negative cards: Ruin that regrets, Sorrow that loves, Misery that comforts...

[song_tra_bong]

"I will, someday..."

She watches him, expression tired and sad. "Would you be that mortal again, if you could?"

She laughs again bitterly, tipping her head back to hide her shining eyes. "More, more, always more. Keep looking but God, it's getting dark."