(Untitled)

[consummate_vs]

Once there was a peaceful bar,
full of many peaceful patrons.
Until one day there came a dragon-man.
Burninating up all the patrons.

And he was TROGDOR
And he was INNA BAR

But he is always TROGDOR!

Comments

[cardboard_tube]

A DRAGON-MAN? INNA BAR?

ONOES!

This calls for--

THE CARDBOARD TUBE SAMURAI.

[consummate_vs]

Do not attack the Dragon-Man young man-man! You will lose and be BURNINATED!

[cardboard_tube]

But not the tube! Anything but the tube!

"Fear not, patrons of Milliways! I shall slay this demon and rid the bar of its evil!"

It's funny how the samurai looks and sounds almost exactly like Gabe BUT TOTALLY ISN'T.

"Will you face me, O Evil Demon? I, who hold the VERY REINS OF THE WORLD?"

[consummate_vs]

"You do not hold the reins of the world!"

He doesn't! Trogdor does not see them.

[cardboard_tube]

"You doubt me? Beings have been foolish enough for that before.

"Once.

"But I have taught them to fear my tube, the Famine-Of-Winter, the Autumn-Razor, the Waking-Dragon -- as I shall teach you!"

[consummate_vs]

"Your tube! Hah!"

The tube looks BURNABLE! But there is a bar around. WHAT IS A TROGDOR TO DO.

[cardboard_tube]

It is perhaps this very bar that gives the Cardboard Tube Samurai the confidence to smirk.

Apart from the bit where he'd do that anyway.

He brandishes the tube again before lowering it graciously, and gives Trogdor a LONG HARD STARE. It's a very frightening LONG HARD STARE. Stronger men have run away screaming like little girls from this LONG HARD STARE.

"That is correct. My tube. Are you aware, then, of its POWER?"

[consummate_vs]

Trogdor does not back down to LONG HARD STARES! He was once stared at by the Queen of England and won!

[cardboard_tube]

The Cardboard Tube Samurai can do staring contests!

But he is better at Go. Does Trogdor perhaps want a good game of Go?

[consummate_vs]

Trogdor does not know this game Go. Does it involve DEATH AND DESTRUCTION?

[cardboard_tube]

There is perhaps in a far-off region somewhere over the horizon, a small subset of rules that involve invoking such DEATH AND DESTRUCTION upon losing stones.

But not commonly, no.

[consummate_vs]

Then Trogdor will have none of that game!

And, because narration should always meld into dialogue.

"Then a fight to the death!"

[cardboard_tube]

"I accept!"

He brandishes the tube again.

Then glances round subtly and adds, "But I will not risk the lives of these good patrons I have sworn to defend, nor dishonor such a hallowed place even by conquering evil within its walls."

And he points the tube towards the lake door.

[consummate_vs]

Trogdor accepts!

But his stomach does not. There is a loud growling, and it's not from his mouth.

[cardboard_tube]

:O! goes Gabe the Cardboard Tube Samurai.

And he leaps back, holding the tube up in front of him to guard against fire or BEING EATEN BY DRAGON-MEN.

"I am not sustenance!"

[consummate_vs]

"No you are not! You are far too stringy!"