yeah
I'm seriously considering taking an extra course in my winter semester, which would technically make me a full time student. I don't believe it matters, but I was enrolled as part time. I would like to finish the program by the end of 2024 instead of spring 2025. I currently have 7/16 credits I need to graduate, plus I need to do the 4 week placement still. My plan is, in the fall take the planned two courses, then the winter three, the summer I will do the placement plus one class, plus work (next summer is going to be vastly different from my current lazy one, hence why I wanted this time off), then fall take my last three courses and finish.
I keep saying how I don't know where we will go after this. I see it now leaning more towards back to Ontario. It's so hard to know, because Simon says things, and I dunno if it's his OCD or if he actually feels this way. Yesterday he was saying he wanted to go back because he was worried about his mom. His mom is 67 I think and probably one of the healthiest people I know. She's definitely living probably into her 90's (Simon's great aunt is 92 I think, so they obviously have some good genes), but he says he misses his family. I guess it makes sense for some people, wanting to be close to your family as they get older. At this point, I don't care, if it will make him feel better to go back I will go. But I'm not just moving anywhere, I would need to find employment in my field, and I do not want to rent. I'm open to purchasing a condo somewhere, but it would need to have very specific things (like extremely good noise control, as I don't want to deal with asshole neighbours). We both have decent savings, but we do both have debt as well. So I dunno. Ideally living a bit outside of a small city would fit us both best I think, but considering housing costs in Ontario are fucking stupid, I can't see that happening, but who knows. I also would like to live somewhere where I can build a community of friends or at least people I can hang out with on a somewhat regular basis. I have not had that since Toronto and it honestly sucks. Even though I am introverted, I really liked having a friend group and this is very much easier to obtain in a city where there's activities to take part in. The only thing I have here that is close to that is my book club and we meet once a month. It's not enough, I miss in person friendships a lot.
Simon is seeing someone next week for OCD stuff. He saw my therapist before, but he didn't find she helped him much. He needs to see a person who has training specfically in OCD. This person does exposure therapy and OCD is her specialty so that's good. I feel bad as his OCD has gotten much worse since we moved here. We both need to figure out where to live that is good for both of us in terms of what we need and how we can balance out life. I know he is not happy here, he spends a lot of time in bed, and his OCD is bad. So I feel guilty that we moved here, but I literally thought that this would be a relaxing environment for him. I think the stupid hurricane really fucked it up, and it left a bad impression on him that has never left.
I think next week I'm going to offically sign up for driving lessons. I don't want to at all, if I am being honest. I feel a lot of anxiety about driving and plus it's expensive. But I know it's a skill I need to learn, and this area is a good place to do it, as there isn't much traffic in the country. I'm going to be honest and let my instructor know I've had extremely bad experiences with learning to drive (really rude driving teachers when I did the test, my first driving instructor borderline sexually harassed me), so it's added to the anxiety. Plus being older, makes me feel lame about the whole thing.
Anyway, I'm trying not to predict or plan for future things beyond school right now. My goal is to finish my program sooner, even though it will mean being in Halifax more in the winter, which is going to suck, but it has to be done. It will actually save me more money in the long run too in terms of accomodation and travel costs.
I'm going to apply for a couple bursaries I've come across online, so maybe I'll get lucky there. I also applied for repayment assistance, as I do not want to pay my student loans for now as I am not working anymore and if I will be it will be part time. I need to upload Simon's income and let them know I have no income and provide a "personal statement" which is actually good, as I can explain my situation. I hope I get approved for it. You need to apply every 6 months, but if you get approved they don't make you pay.
I guess I'm feeling kinda blue lately, mostly because of Simon stuff. All I can hope is that this new person he will be seeing can help him out a bit. It sucks how much mental illness controls the lives of people.