Missed Chances - Part 18
Title: Missed Chances
Rated: NC-17(rape-kind of, all injuries here are fake-)
Chapter: 18
Pairing: Ryan MillerxZdeno Chara
LJ CUT HATES ME AGAIN
I was so happy when we finally reached Zdeno’s house, my nerve’s had finally calmed down enough so that I did not have to worry about freaking at the moment. Curling up against his body as he pulled me down onto the couch with him, before turning the TV and that on. I closed my eyes and shifted to a more comfortable position, as he wrapped one arm lazily around my chest, and the other hand grabbed mine.
His thumb lightly caressed the top of hand, I opened one eye and watched him as his gaze fixed onto the TV. I tried to forget about what happened earlier, but those words just made me remember the things I tried to for so long bury deep down and hide away. Feeling the hand that was around my waist go to my hair, I looked up and then away as I bit my lower lip.
“Whats wrong Ry? Your never this quite.” Those soft words almost made me want to tell him everything. But I always felt that if I told him, Danny would do something to me if he found out I told someone. Shaking my head, I closed my eyes and nuzzled into his chest, taking in deep breaths as I then let it out in a sigh. All I need right now was for him to be there for me.
Muttering a quick ‘I’m fine.’ I went on with nuzzling his chest softly, content with just doing that for now. I smiled softly and rubbed my hand over his chest, hoping that he would understand that I did not want to talk at the moment. Later sounded so much easier, than talking to him right now.
I wanted to make sure I was able to tell him what had happened to me, without him going all ‘possessive lover’ on me. Even though that would be really sweet if he did, it would be the first time someone had gotten that way with me. But I did not want anything to happen where Zdeno was taken away from my, and who knows what he would do if he did go after Danny.
Zdeno’s hand ran through my hair every now and then, to just go back to lightly rubbing at the scalp under his fingers.
As this went on, my mind wandered over to if I should tell him what was really going through my head. I know I should tell him, but I also did not want him to do something that would hurt his career, or something close to it.
Looking up at him once, I bit my lower lip and waited to see if I could have the courage to tell him. But everytime I went to say something my mind would shut off and cause me to look back at my lap, or the floor in front of me. Gritting my teeth I looked at the floor again, and closed my eyes. Maybe after I think things though, I can finally tell him.
But maybe right now, that nap I was thinking about earlier in the day sounded really good. With the little sleep I had gotten the last month.
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Even with my mind in a haze, and not knowing what was really going on, I felt my fist hit something solid, soft and flesh like, but still it was something solid.
My eyes blinked open after a few seconds, and someone grabbing both of my wrists. Realizing that the solid thing that my fist collided with was Zdeno’s shoulder. Looking up at him, see the concern in those green eyes, I flinched back trying to remember why I had suddenly lashed out at him. Not like I mean it, but it was so confusing.
“You need to tell me what’s wrong.” Fuck, I must of said something while I was asleep, something that would trigger the new edge to Zdeno’s voice. Yanking my wrists back slightly, I tried to break free from his grasp, tears flowing down my cheeks now. I tried again to yank my wrists free, my eyes closed as I notice it would not work trying to break free from his grasp.
One my try, I had then given up and dropped my head against his chest and silently sobbed into his shirt. “Ryan, please I need to know what just happened. Its not like you to lash out at someone.”
“C-can’t…” my words, even that one word were so weak at the time, I would not even believe myself. “Yes you can Ryan, you literally just punched me because of something.” I could see the slight smile twitch at his lips. “At least now I know you can handle your own, if you ever get into a fight.”
Biting my lip once more, I tried to turn away and look at the floor again. Closing my eyes I shook my head, trying to tell him to drop it. “Stop it Ryan…” I was no longer sitting on his lap, and now he was kneeling in front of me. “…tell me what is going on.” Ducking my head, I tried to hide the few now lone tears that slipped through.
“Please, love tell me what’s wrong, so that I can fix what’s bothering you.” Looking at him, I just looked at him not knowing what to say at the time. The look in his eyes, pleading with me to trust him enough to tell him what was going on in my head, much to my dismay I did not want anyone to know what happened.
Looking at my hands, which were being tightly held by his, I let out a shaky breath. “Please…” My gaze flickered back to his, my will breaking even more now as he said the word once more. Putting more feeling into it now, maybe hoping that would break me. “F-fine, p…please just… stop asking.” it was more of a whimper, and I hated it once more. “I-I’ll tell you.”
--------------------------------(flash back in this style-back in the 2006 playoffs)
He was always there right in front of me, and I had never taken the chance to notice him before. Until the season was over and the playoff’s started, and when I started to struggle a little bit with my playing.
Well it did not surprise many that I was having problems, with it being my first playoff ever in the NHL. But it also caused for the ugly(well not really I mean, he could never be ugly just a lot stricter) side of my captain to come out. Confutations in the locker room, some times even in the hotels when we were away.
But now here I was, laying in the same bed as my captain, my Danny, my ass once again sore from the way he fucked me. Not my choice of words, that’s what he basically called what we were doing. My sleep insomnia decided that it wanted to kick in at this time, waking me up early in the hotel, in Ottawa.
Looking over at the almost perfect face of my captain, I wanted to reach out a hand and brush the nearly black hair out of his face. And yet, I restrained myself from doing so, remembering the last time I had touched any part of Danny without his approval. Flinching at just the thought, I shook it off and smiled telling myself that I just caught him off guard, he did not mean to hurt me.
Getting up, I headed towards the bathroom in the hotel room. After grabbing a few things, I stepped into the shower. Maybe after a quick shower, I’ll feel a lot better than what I felt right now.
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The locker room before the game was light and energetic, laughter and jokes trying to bring up the spirits of the team. Looking over at Brian, I smiled at the thing he said, not noticing the look that was on Danny’s face. My only concern was the game, but what Brian was saying and the light on his face and his eyes seemed to wipe away all of my concerns.
Hearing the call for the game to be started, I took in a deep breath and looked over at Danny. Hoping to get that reassuring smile from him, but he was nowhere in sight. Letting out the breath, I bit my lower lip, mind as well get this game over with.
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Fuck, another lost, that was at least three in a row now.
Flopping down onto the bed, I let out a low sigh and brought my hands up and over my face. Some of the guys, including Danny, decided to drown out the lost of the game by drinking. Maybe I’ll get a little bit of sleep before Danny came back, just enough so that I was more awake when he returned.
I had been laying there thinking for a couple hours, and as I tried to get at least a little bit of sleep, the door swung open to let Danny in. Jolting upright, I quickly gave a smile and waited for him to finally get to the bed. As he got closer, I had not realize the dark look in his eyes, until after he hit me across the face.
The blow was not expected, and caused for my eyes to water at the sensation of pain and heat in my face. Looking up at him, I just wanted to run and hide at the moment. Feeling another shove, pushing back onto the bed, and then his weight on top of mine.
“It ssseemss, I ‘ave to remind you who you belon’ to.” Came the unpleasant hiss, mixed with the slurs from the alcohol that he consumed. Nearly ripping off my shirt and pants, Danny made sure to keep me pinned to the bed. This was not my Danny, it could not be my Danny, he would never hit me for no reason.
While I was thinking, I had not notice him getting undressed, until I felt the head of his length push against my opening. And before I could protest the action, he thrust in without preparing me, causing me to feel as if he was tearing something inside me. A scream of pain started to leak from my mouth, but was stopped as his covered my mouth with his hand.
Danny had not even waited for me to get use to the feeling, before he started to thrust harder and then even harder as he went on. “Quiet!” The snarl caused me to soften my cry’s. But it did not stop the punch that I received, and yet as his fist left I felt the blood slightly start to ooze from the cut he left from his ring on his left hand.
After a few more thrust, he had come and pulled on, leaving me still slightly hard and bleeding. Both from my face and slightly from my ass, but I dare not move until I knew he was fully asleep. Once the light snores started, I got up and grabbed what clothes I found were mine on the floor. Pulling them one, I then quickly made my way to the bathroom, as I looked in the mirror.
Gasping slightly, and flinching at the cut that ran from center of right cheek nearly to my earlobe. The blood still dripped from it, as I grabbed wash clothes there and placed them over the cut. Things were just going to get worse, if things kept up the way they were.
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I could not believe it, my heart was being broken by a title in the news paper. Telling me that Danny was leaving, tears were flowing down my cheeks, brushing them away my fingers ran over the light scar that was still there from the playoffs on my right cheek. I should be happy that he was leave, but my heart was breaking at the thought.
Throwing the paper across the room, I laid down on my couch, not knowing what to do. Hearing a soft knock, I knew who it was and I was not going to answer it.
“Ryan open up.”
“Go away, just fucking leave me alone.”
Getting up quickly, I had locked the door after seeing the title, I ran up to my room and slammed that door shut as well and buried my face into the pillow. I don’t know how long I was laying there, but it seemed like forever, and then a hand touched my shoulder. Lashing out quickly, my wrist was caught, causing me to look up into the blue eyes of Brian.
The look of pure concern and sympathy were in those eyes and across his features. Shaking my head, I just buried my face into the pillow again, not caring that he was there. Danny and hurt me and used me, and it broke my heart because I had really fallen for him. And now I was in a world of hurt, and believe that no one could bring me out of it.
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The tears that flowed freely down my cheeks now were softly brushed away by Zdeno’s thumbs. The concern in his eyes and written across his face, but there was anger there along with the concern. “Ryan…” Looking at him, I clutched at the one hand that lightly ran over my right cheek where the faint scar was.
“I’m so sorry that something like that happened to you.” My other hand at the time gripped into his shirt, pulling myself closer. I felt a bit better that someone knew what had happened, but I still felt angry at myself for letting Danny go. “I will make sure that never happens again.”
Hearing those words, I had then wrapped my arms around Zdeno, keeping him close to me as best as I could. Not even registering the movements until I felt the bed under me, and Zdeno’s arms once again pulling my back against his chest. Did I let myself relax enough to be able to sleep, hoping that maybe the thoughts would not come back.
But one could only hope.