Fic: Heart of Steel (Kara Zor-El/Cassie Sandsmark) 1/2
Title: Heart of Steel
Fandom: DC Comics
Author: milleniumrex
Word Count: 5131
Rating: PG-13 for language and dark themes.
Characters/Pairings: Kara Zor-El/Cassie Sandsmark, Clark Kent, Lois Lane, Martha Kent, Conner Kent, A few OCs in minor roles.
Disclaimer: I don't own DC and never will. Tragically.
Author's Note: Written for Festibility. I play with timelines a bit in this story, and ignore most recent canon events, but Kara, Cassie, and Conner are all around 16 in this fic. Also fulfills my 10_hurt_comfort prompt of "wheelchair". My card is here.
Warnings: Contains some ableist language from a character dealing with a new disability, as well as from a villain. This fic is aiming for a realistic look at dealing with quadriplegia, so there will be some dark parts in the early going, including brief discussion of suicidal urges. Contains discussion of underage sexuality, but no sex scenes.
Summary: All it took was a moment of distraction, and things would never be the same. After an accident, the girl of steel is forced to adapt to a completely different way of life.
The red sun may have looked different, but it definitely wasn't any less hot, Kara thought as she wiped sweat off her brow. Training on an alien planet with Kal and Conner was definitely not how she had planned to spend this weekend - no, her thoughts on that were more towards flying to San Francisco and distracting Cassie from her finals - but if Kal was going to take them off-world for no-powers training, couldn't he have picked a world that felt a little less like Metropolis in the hottest part of August?
Kara was snapped out of her thoughts by droplets of water landing on her face. She looked up to see Conner smirking as he toweled off from a swim.
"You looked hot."
"Jerk." Kara grumbled as she got up. "There's a lake around here?"
"A little spring over there." Kon pointed towards the north. "Nothing great, but it cooled me off."
"Okay, I totally forgive you for being you." Kara grinned.
Clark stepped out of the woods, carrying firewood. "Okay, I think we've got enough for the night. You two ready to head for the cliffs? I figure we can get a good climb in before the sun sets."
"That sounds...well, it sounds like something I'd be up for once I've cooled off." Kara laughed. "Swim break?"
Clark nodded. "Just don't take too long. We want to get to the cliffs before the sun starts setting."
Kara grinned and tore off into a run. Behind her, she could hear Clark and Conner discussing dinner, but she didn't care. She hadn't showered in two days, her knees were scuffed up from training, and she didn't care about anything right now besides cooling off in the spring. As she rounded the corner, it came into view. It looked gorgeous, a little piece of paradise on this overheated rock. Without another thought, she ran up to the edge, stuck her arms out, and dove into the water.
The rush of cool as her body sliced in the water ended abruptly as the ground rushed up to meet her. In a split second, Kara realized that the spring was far too shallow for diving, probably only about five feet deep. Her hands buckled as she hit the bottom, and she slammed head-first into the muddy basin. She closed her eyes instinctively as she felt her head snap back, and a strange feeling, like a really intense blast of static electricity, shot through her body.
Ugh. I'd better not have bruised my forehead. Kara thought to herself as she opened her eyes. Conner will never let me live it down. And then there's Clark's lectures about safety.
Kara looked up. She was floating about a foot above where she had crash-landed, staring at the bottom of the lake. She tried to swim up so she could check out the damage - but her body failed to make the motion. She looked around, ignoring a growing sharp pain in her neck, and she saw her arms, floating lifelessly in the water. She tried to move them, but nothing happened. It was as if they weren't attached to her body. Kara started to feel a tightness in her chest, an instinctive knowledge that something was very, very wrong. She opened her mouth to scream for help, only for water to flood into her mouth. She closed it quickly, holding her breath, but she knew she could only hold it for so long.
I'm going to die. I'm going to die at the bottom of this stupid lake.
Kara could feel her lungs running out of air. She was about to open her mouth when she found herself being lifted out of the water. She coughed, gasping for air as she reached the surface.
"Kara, quit goofing around. Have you seen the - " Conner stopped as he saw the look of terror in Kara's eyes.
"Don't let go!" Kara yelled. "Something's wrong."
Conner carefully pulled Kara out of the water and lay her down by the side of the river as he called for Clark. Kara took in the air, coughing the last water out of her lungs, but her body was still failing to respond to her instructions. In fact, it dawned on her lying there on the sand, she couldn't feel anything. She could feel the pebble digging into the back of her head, and that sharp pain in her neck any time she tried to turn her head, but below her neck, everything was numb. As Conner ran to get Clark, Kara remembered the reading she had done on Oracle's injury. She couldn't be...
No. I'm going to get off this stupid planet, my powers are going to come back, and I'll be fine. Kara scrunched up her face as a droplet of water slid down the side of her nose, itching like crazy. Rao, why won't my stupid hand move? I just want to scratch my nose.
Clark came into view as he leaned over Kara's prone body. "Kara, what happened?"
"I was swimming, and I hit my head. I can't move."
"Just stay calm, Kara. You're going to be alright." Clark said, but the look of fear in his eyes belied his words. "I want you to tell me if you can feel this."
Clark pressed on Kara's foot, followed by her hand. Finally, he squeezed her bicep.
"Feel what?"
Clark nodded, trying to mask his growing panic. He moved further up and squeezed her shoulder.
"Yeah, I can feel that. Kind of. On top."
"Okay." Clark said. "We need to get you back to Earth as soon as possible. I'm going to get the ship going, and we're going to build a stretched to get you on board. Just stay calm, okay? We're going to get you back safely."
Kara closed her eyes as Clark and Conner walked off. She could faintly hear them talking as they left.
"She's going to be okay, right?"
"I don't know, Conner. We just need to get her back home now."
Kara felt herself drift off as the pounding in her head increased. Maybe this was just a strange, terrible nightmare. She'd wake up, and everything would be fine...
-----
Cassie knew something was seriously wrong the second she flew in the house. She hadn't seen that look on her mother's face since Diana had died right shortly after Cassie became Wonder Girl.
"Mom? What's wrong?"
Helena put down the phone. "It's Kara."
Cassie's hand flew to her mouth. "Is - is she - ?"
Helena shook her head. "No, she's alive, but it's serious. She was training on this planet, Rigel - "
"Where none of them have their powers. I know! What happened?"
"She was swimming, and there was an accident. Her head, or her neck...they're not sure what's wrong yet. She's en route to Samaritan Hospital in Gotham."
"I've got to - "
Helena nodded. "I know. Go. I'll take off work and be along as soon as I can."
Cassie took off into the sky. This couldn't be happening, she thought to herself. Things had been going so well. Kara had become part of her, and now the girl she loved was fighting for her life. As she soared over the sky, hoping that Gotham would come into view sooner rather than later, she closed her eyes and said a silent prayer.
God, Zeus, or Rao...whoever's listening. Whatever comes next, we can face it. Just don't take her away. Whatever you do, please don't take her.
-----
Samaritan Hospital was a well-oiled machine, devoted to the care of seriously injured Metahuman patients. It was usually the only facility in the world capable of providing the care needed to the superhero population, and only the best in the world worked there. As word came in that a seriously injured Kryptonian was coming in, the hospital sprung into action. Within minutes of arrival, an unconscious Kara had been transfered from the makeshift stretcher used to transport her to a body board that held her firmly in place, her neck safely secured. Her powers had started to return as soon as they had re-entered Earth's orbit, but the hospital was equipped with red-sun lamps to make it possible to operate. And with that, she was whisked away to the ER, leaving Clark and Conner with nothing to do but wait.
"It's my fault."
"Conner..."
"Well, it is!" Conner yelled. "I'm the one who told her about the spring. I should have warned her not to dive. If I had..."
Clark put his hand on Conner's shoulder. "Conner, if this is anyone's fault, it's mine. The two of you are safe here on Earth. I might like to train without my powers occasionally, but I never should have brought the two of you along. I put her in danger. She's my responsibility, the only family from Krypton I have left, and if anything happens to her..."
"You were always keeping us safe during training, with all the safety equipment. There's nothing you could have done here. It was just some kind of freak accident."
"You're right. Now all we can do is be here for her when she wakes up." Clark said. And he said a silent prayer that his first instincts were wrong, and this was a lot less serious than he thought.
The doors to the waiting room slammed open, and Cassie flew in, her eyes streaked with tears. She saw Superman and flew over to him, hugging him.
"How is she?"
"We don't know yet." Clark sighed. "She's been in surgery for a while now. We're just hoping for the best."
"My cousin's tough, Cass. She's going to make it."
Cassie nodded at Conner's words, taking a seat next to them. Minutes seemed to pass like hours as people came in and out of the waiting room. Lois joined them, offering support to her husband and his family. Martha was called, but she probably wouldn't be able to make it out until tomorrow. Finally, after what seemed like forever, a doctor came out, removed her surgical mask, and walked over to them.
"Well?" Cassie asked impatiently, wringing her hands.
"We've got her stabilized. The surgery was touch and go for a bit there, but she pulled through. She's a strong girl - a lot of patients with this sort of injury don't make it. We've got her in a coma right now, but we should be able to bring her out in a few days, once it becomes clear that there aren't any immediate complications. Once we completed the surgery, we removed the red sun generators, so her powers are coming back, which should speed up the healing process."
"So she's going to be okay?" Conner asked.
The doctor sighed, his face turning serious. "I think we should talk in private." He motioned to Cassie. "Family only."
"Bull." Lois snapped. "If you've got something to tell us, you're telling all of us - in there, or out here."
Cassie shot Lois a thankful glance, and the Doctor, clearly seeing a will greater than his own, motioned the family into a private room. X-rays and examining charts were plastered on the wall as the doctor started talking.
"As this hospital goes, this is actually a fairly routine case. This type of injury tragically happens thousands of times a year, but this is one of the first cases we've seen in the metahuman population and definitely the first involving a Kryptonian. I understand Miss Zor-El was under a red sun at the time of the injury?"
Clark nodded. "We were training."
"When she dove into the lake, the impact of the collision dislocated her fourth and fifth cervical vertebrae - at the center of her neck - and that trapped her spinal cord, crushing it and cutting off blood flow."
"What does that mean?" Cassie asked tentatively, keeping a tight grip on Clark's arm.
"Now, it's important to understand that we don't know how this kind of injury will function in a Kryptonian, but the nervous system seems remarkably similar to humans. In textbook terms, this is what's known as a C4 spinal cord injury, resulting in paralysis from the neck down."
"But she's not human!" Cassie yelled. She turned to Clark. "You can do something, right?"
"I don't know." Clark said. "I don't really know anything right now." He turned to the doctor. "When I've been injured in the past, I've healed much better under yellow sun therapy - concentrated doses of solar radiation. Do you think that could help?"
"It seems as good an idea as any." The doctor said. "We're honestly at a loss here - we've never treated this sort of injury in someone like Kara, so all we have to go on is human standards. And looking at the level of cord damage...well, I don't want to give you false hope. We'll try every experimental treatment we can find, but if this injury follows the cases we've seen in the non-powered population, the odds of Kara recovering from the paralysis are less than 1%. I'm sorry."
Cassie forced her lips to move, trying to process what she had just heard. "Where - where is she?"
"She's in the neuro unit, which is on the third floor, but visitors aren't - "
The doctor was interrupted mid-sentence as Cassie flew out of the room. Conner seemed shellshocked, sitting in his chair with his head in his hands. Clark got out of his chair, walked over to the wall - and promptly put his fist through it.
"Clark?" Lois walked over.
"I thought she'd be fine. She just wanted to go for a swim, and I never thought..."
"Clark, this isn't your fault. You can't prevent everything."
"I couldn't even protect my family, Lois. And now I can't do anything to fix this. Krypton's medical technology, even if they managed to fix this kind of injury, is long gone. This is the first time in a long time that I've felt truly helpless."
Lois embraced her husband. The Els were a tough clan, she thought. She had to believe that whatever came next, they would be able to figure it out together. After all, Clark and Conner had beaten death. If anyone could beat paralysis, it was Kara.
-----
The neurological unit was relatively deserted as Cassie ran through the hallways, checking the names on the doors. A nurse yelled at her to stop, but she ignored the call. It didn't take long before she spied the name "Kara Zor-El" printed on a chart by room 22-A. Sticking her head in, she gasped. Kara was lying in bed, hooked up to what seemed like dozens of monitors. If it wasn't for the metal halo around her head, holding her neck in place, she could have passed for sleeping. God, even now, after coming so close to death, she was so beautiful...
Cassie sat down next to Kara's bed, taking her limp hand and stroking it. "Hey, K. I don't know if you can hear me...but they say you're going to make it. You had us all really scared." Cassie felt herself choke up. "Just...come back to us, okay? I don't know what's going to happen then, but no matter what, I'm there for you. I love you."
Cassie sat there, in the dark, listening to the rhythmic beeps of the heart monitor. As hard as it was to see Kara like this, she had a feeling things were only going to get harder from here.
-----
Time passed slowly over the next few days at Samaritan Hospital. Martha and Helena took up residence at the hospital, and the families worked in shifts, making sure someone was always there in case there was a change. Clark and Conner would leave occasionally when there was a crisis that needed their attention, but otherwise they kept a vigil. Cassie had barely left Kara's side, usually having to be reminded by her mother to get something to eat or take some time to sleep. A few times a day, the doctor would come in, check Kara's vitals, and decide to wait another day before bringing her out of the coma.
It was on the fifth day when the doctor did a quick check of heart rate and decided that it was time. They'd slowly dial back the amount of sedative being pumped into Kara's system, and allow her to wake up. But with this good news came a lot of uncertainty. While they were happy to see Kara alive and awake, she was waking up to the news that life as she knew it was over. As time passed, Kara's family watched anxiously for signs that she was stirring back to life.
-----
It felt like she had the "hangover" she had heard so much about from her friends, only times one million, Kara thought. Her head was pounding, and even the slightest light forced her to shut her eyes tight. Something that felt like metal was digging into her skull. Her head was swimming, trying to make sense of her surroundings.
What the hell happened? I was swimming, and...something went wrong. God, my head hurts. Where am I?
The annoying, persistent beep of the machines around her wasn't going away, so Kara forced her eyes open. It took a minute for her vision to clear, but she could see Clark, with Cassie right behind him, and Kon, Lois, Martha, and Cassie's mom behind them. It looked like she was in a hospital room of some kind.
Oh, great. The whole crew turned out. They must have been panicked. I can't believe I embarassed myself like this.
"Kara?" Clark sat down next to the bed. "How are you feeling?"
Kara opened her mouth. Her lips were chapped, her tongue felt dried out, and her throat was killing her, but she managed to choke out a few words. "Like hell."
"You really scared us, kiddo. It's good to have you back with us." Clark smiled, but there was something in his eyes that worried Kara. "How much do you remember?"
"It was really hot...and I went for a swim. I think I banged my head, and..." It was starting to come back to her. Not being able to swim out of the lake, being pulled out and lying there on the shore, unable to get up. She tried to turn her head, but a sharp pain from the metal thing around her head stopped her.
"Don't try to move, okay? The halo's made out of a Kryptonian alloy, to stop you from moving your head."
"Halo? Kal, what happened to me?" Kara tried to force herself up off the bed, but her body didn't respond. "Am I tied down? Why can't I move?"
Out of the corner of her eye, Kara could see tears starting to roll down Cassie's face, and Clark looked like he was barely keeping it together himself.
"Kara...you hurt yourself pretty badly when you hit your head. You dislocated two of the vertebrae in your neck, and you damaged your spinal cord. The doctor can explain it a lot better than I am when he comes back, but - "
"Am I paralyzed?"
"Kara, we don't know how things will work from here, exactly. I don't want you - "
"Just tell me!" Kara snapped. "I want to know. How bad is it?"
Clark slowly nodded. "Right now, yes. You're paralyzed from the neck down."
Kara felt like she had been shot when she heard those words. No. This doesn't make any sense. I'm Supergirl. I can fly. I can break the sound barrier. Of course I can move. I just need to focus.
Kara focused on her hand, which was lying on her thigh. She just had to move it an inch, just to prove she could. But no matter how hard she concentrated on it, it wouldn't budge. She couldn't move or feel anything besides her head.
"Kara?" Cassie walked over to the bed and took Kara's hand. "We're going to get through this. No matter what, I'm going to be here for you. We're going to get you better."
Kara looked at her limp hand, clutched tightly in Cassie's. Hot tears started running down her cheeks, impossible to wipe away. "How? I can't even feel you."
"I know." Cassie said sadly as she leaned in, avoiding banging into Kara's halo, to softly kiss her on the lips. Kara closed her eyes, wishing the world away. As much as she loved her family, and Cassie, she didn't want to see them - anyone - right now. The last thing she knew, she had been Supergirl, and nothing could touch her. Now, she had been dropped into a terrifying, unfamiliar life where her own body had turned against her. And she had no idea how she could face the future not knowing if things would ever be the same.
-----
Kara was used to life going ridiculously fast. She would get dressed, shower, eat breakfast, and be out of the house in under ten minutes. Running across Metropolis took seconds. If she wanted to see Paris or Tokyo, she could be there in less than an hour. Now, life seemed to have ground to a complete halt. Minutes passed like hours in this hospital bed, broken up only by having someone come in and try to make small talk with her, but she rarely felt like talking. Even with Cassie, who always tried her best to cheer her up. Doctors would occasionally come in, prod at her, and make some comments about how she was healing well. The halo was removed relatively quickly, replaced with a much more comfortable neck brace, but as the days went by and nothing changed, Kara started to wonder exactly what awaited her once she was healed enough to leave the intensive care unit. She had lost count of the number of things she could no longer do for herself, and the list seemed to grow longer every day. More and more, she found herself trying to escape by any means necessary. TV got boring quickly, especially when you had to ask someone to change the channel for you.
Fortunately, there was one escape that never seemed to get old - the private soap operas that went on in the surrounding rooms. Her arms and legs may have been paralyzed, but her eyes and ears worked just fine - and with them, the few active powers she had left. X-ray vision let her peer into the rooms above and to both sides, while super-hearing allowed her to follow the stories of the people in them. It was a welcome distraction from all the unanswered questions of her own life. There was the c-list supervillain considering going straight after losing his leg in a heist gone wrong, the husband and wife superhero team hoping that the transplant would take, and Mr. Terrific battling endlessly with his doctors as they tried to get him to take it easy while recovering from multiple stab wounds. She had become more than a little invested in some of these stories, watching them unfold and hoping for a happy ending - the kind that she was worried would be denied her.
"Anything interesting going on in that head of yours?"
Kara stopped watching the room above her and turned her head as much as she could to see Clark walking into the room. She wouldn't tell him what she was doing - he was the type to care about people's privacy and all that, and she didn't need the disapproving look.
"Not really. Just...passing the time." Kara faked a smile. "Any news from the outside world?"
"I've been working with STAR Labs in Metropolis, trying to get a solar charging chamber into working order. It's tricky, because their technology isn't compatible the Kryptonian tech, but we're keeping at it. Once it's up and running, we can see if it helps to start the healing process." Clark reached up and carefully flicked a lock of hair out of Kara's eyes. "So, the doctors say you're going to be moving to the Rehab program in a few days. That should be a nice change of scenery."
"I guess. I don't know. There's privacy here, at least. There, everyone's going to be staring at me. It's not just superhumans, right?"
"It's run jointly with the Thomas Wayne Memorial Hospital's Spinal Cord Rehabilitation program, so there'll be a lot of people with similar injuries to yours, both powered and not. It's the best program in the States. There's counselors, occupational therapy, outings to help you get used to things..."
Kara sighed. Her family had kept the paparazzi at bay since she was admitted, but she knew that out there, everyone was going to want a piece of her. After all, it was the story of the century - Poor Supergirl, she used to be the most powerful girl alive, and now she can't even turn over in bed or scratch her own nose. She hated the thought of being in the middle of a crowded rehab program, where she would immediately be the celebrity in the room. Right now, she only cared about one thing.
"Can they fix me? Can they make me move again?"
Kara could see Clark stop dead in his tracks. He wasn't prepared for that question. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he spoke again. "We're not going to give up on getting you better, Kara. But this program...it's going to teach you how to work with what you've got, learn how to do things in different ways."
"So, it's going to teach me to be the best cripple I can be?" Kara snapped.
"No, it's - Kara, you can't lie in bed waiting for things to change. A lot of people have done amazing things with injuries like yours, and that's what this program is about - teaching you to reclaim your life."
"What life?" Kara turned her head away and stared out the window. "Conner should have just let me drown."
"Kara..."
"I'm really tired, Clark. I just want to sleep now."
Clark nodded sadly. "Get some rest, okay? I'll be back tomorrow." As he walked out, Kara closed her eyes and tried to go to sleep. The world of dreams was a welcome relief.
-----
In retrospect, going to sleep in the early evening may not have been the best idea. Kara had dreamed beautiful, vivid dreams of flying through the sky, feeling the wind on her body, and wrapping her arms around Cassie, and then woken up at 3 in the morning to the darkness of her room and the numbness of her body. She felt like screaming, screaming so loud that the entire city would wake up, but what would that do? She could scream all she wanted, but no one knew how to fix her. She was trapped in a prison of her own body, all because of one stupid split-second decision. Why hadn't she checked the depth, or done a cannonball, or just waded in? It all seemed so simple in retrospect, but in that one critical moment, she had screwed up, and now her life as she knew it was gone forever.
"K?" A soft voice came from outside the window. "Are you awake in there?"
"Cassie?"
The window slipped open, and Cassie flew inside, sitting at the foot of Kara's bed. "I know visiting hours are over - like, way over - but I was just watching you from outside. Just to make sure you were okay."
"But I'm not okay, Cassie." Kara said, tears beginning to streak down her face again. "I don't think I'm ever going to be okay."
Cassie bent over and stroked Kara's cheek. "You're the strongest person I know, Kara. If anyone can beat this, it's you."
"But that's it - I don't think I can. And no one else does, either. I'm never going to be able to move again, am I?"
"We don't know that..."
"No, but it's a safe bet, right?" Kara asked. "No one will give me a straight answer."
"I don't know what Superman's cooking up the fortress. You never know - "
"Cassie, I can't do this. I can't live like this. I just want it to be over...but I can't even do that for myself."
"Kara, it's going to get better. Just wait until you get out of here, and - "
"Cassie, I need your help. If you love me...Batman keeps a small chunk of Kryptonite in the cave. I saw it the last time I was there. It's in a safe under the computer. I want you to bring it here and open it."
"Kara? Are you asking me to - "
"Just leave it here overnight. By the time the morning rolls around...it'll be over."
"You're asking me to kill you!" Cassie gasped. "I could never - "
"I can't do it for myself, Cassie." Kara said with tears in her eyes. "I wish I could hold on for you, but I can't. I'm just not strong enough."
"Listen to me. You are. I've seen you beat unbelievable odds. I know how terrifying this is, how scared you must be, but the Kara I fell in love with isn't going to give in to despair. She'd look at the odds, and take them as a challenge." Cassie leaned in and looked Kara in the eyes. "When you first got hurt, I said a prayer to whoever was listening that we could handle whatever happened, as long as we were together. I knew that you were the strongest, most amazing person I've ever met. And I still believe in you, even if you don't. Can you hold on, for me?"
Kara slowly nodded. "What if it doesn't get any easier?"
"Then we'll figure it out together. But I can't lose you, K. It doesn't matter what you can move - you're my heart."
Cassie crawled into the bed next to Kara and wrapped her arms around her. Kara felt a stabbing in her heart at the thought that she might never feel Cassie's arms wrapped around her again, but even her comforting presence was something. She closed her eyes and moved her head towards Cassie's hair, sniffing that familiar scent of honey and lilac. She wanted to believe Cassie, but she didn't. As much as she wanted to believe she could have something resembling a decent life in this motionless body, the thought of spending her life like this was terrifying. The sun would be coming up soon, and bringing with it more uncertainty.
Fandom: DC Comics
Author: milleniumrex
Word Count: 5131
Rating: PG-13 for language and dark themes.
Characters/Pairings: Kara Zor-El/Cassie Sandsmark, Clark Kent, Lois Lane, Martha Kent, Conner Kent, A few OCs in minor roles.
Disclaimer: I don't own DC and never will. Tragically.
Author's Note: Written for Festibility. I play with timelines a bit in this story, and ignore most recent canon events, but Kara, Cassie, and Conner are all around 16 in this fic. Also fulfills my 10_hurt_comfort prompt of "wheelchair". My card is here.
Warnings: Contains some ableist language from a character dealing with a new disability, as well as from a villain. This fic is aiming for a realistic look at dealing with quadriplegia, so there will be some dark parts in the early going, including brief discussion of suicidal urges. Contains discussion of underage sexuality, but no sex scenes.
Summary: All it took was a moment of distraction, and things would never be the same. After an accident, the girl of steel is forced to adapt to a completely different way of life.
The red sun may have looked different, but it definitely wasn't any less hot, Kara thought as she wiped sweat off her brow. Training on an alien planet with Kal and Conner was definitely not how she had planned to spend this weekend - no, her thoughts on that were more towards flying to San Francisco and distracting Cassie from her finals - but if Kal was going to take them off-world for no-powers training, couldn't he have picked a world that felt a little less like Metropolis in the hottest part of August?
Kara was snapped out of her thoughts by droplets of water landing on her face. She looked up to see Conner smirking as he toweled off from a swim.
"You looked hot."
"Jerk." Kara grumbled as she got up. "There's a lake around here?"
"A little spring over there." Kon pointed towards the north. "Nothing great, but it cooled me off."
"Okay, I totally forgive you for being you." Kara grinned.
Clark stepped out of the woods, carrying firewood. "Okay, I think we've got enough for the night. You two ready to head for the cliffs? I figure we can get a good climb in before the sun sets."
"That sounds...well, it sounds like something I'd be up for once I've cooled off." Kara laughed. "Swim break?"
Clark nodded. "Just don't take too long. We want to get to the cliffs before the sun starts setting."
Kara grinned and tore off into a run. Behind her, she could hear Clark and Conner discussing dinner, but she didn't care. She hadn't showered in two days, her knees were scuffed up from training, and she didn't care about anything right now besides cooling off in the spring. As she rounded the corner, it came into view. It looked gorgeous, a little piece of paradise on this overheated rock. Without another thought, she ran up to the edge, stuck her arms out, and dove into the water.
The rush of cool as her body sliced in the water ended abruptly as the ground rushed up to meet her. In a split second, Kara realized that the spring was far too shallow for diving, probably only about five feet deep. Her hands buckled as she hit the bottom, and she slammed head-first into the muddy basin. She closed her eyes instinctively as she felt her head snap back, and a strange feeling, like a really intense blast of static electricity, shot through her body.
Ugh. I'd better not have bruised my forehead. Kara thought to herself as she opened her eyes. Conner will never let me live it down. And then there's Clark's lectures about safety.
Kara looked up. She was floating about a foot above where she had crash-landed, staring at the bottom of the lake. She tried to swim up so she could check out the damage - but her body failed to make the motion. She looked around, ignoring a growing sharp pain in her neck, and she saw her arms, floating lifelessly in the water. She tried to move them, but nothing happened. It was as if they weren't attached to her body. Kara started to feel a tightness in her chest, an instinctive knowledge that something was very, very wrong. She opened her mouth to scream for help, only for water to flood into her mouth. She closed it quickly, holding her breath, but she knew she could only hold it for so long.
I'm going to die. I'm going to die at the bottom of this stupid lake.
Kara could feel her lungs running out of air. She was about to open her mouth when she found herself being lifted out of the water. She coughed, gasping for air as she reached the surface.
"Kara, quit goofing around. Have you seen the - " Conner stopped as he saw the look of terror in Kara's eyes.
"Don't let go!" Kara yelled. "Something's wrong."
Conner carefully pulled Kara out of the water and lay her down by the side of the river as he called for Clark. Kara took in the air, coughing the last water out of her lungs, but her body was still failing to respond to her instructions. In fact, it dawned on her lying there on the sand, she couldn't feel anything. She could feel the pebble digging into the back of her head, and that sharp pain in her neck any time she tried to turn her head, but below her neck, everything was numb. As Conner ran to get Clark, Kara remembered the reading she had done on Oracle's injury. She couldn't be...
No. I'm going to get off this stupid planet, my powers are going to come back, and I'll be fine. Kara scrunched up her face as a droplet of water slid down the side of her nose, itching like crazy. Rao, why won't my stupid hand move? I just want to scratch my nose.
Clark came into view as he leaned over Kara's prone body. "Kara, what happened?"
"I was swimming, and I hit my head. I can't move."
"Just stay calm, Kara. You're going to be alright." Clark said, but the look of fear in his eyes belied his words. "I want you to tell me if you can feel this."
Clark pressed on Kara's foot, followed by her hand. Finally, he squeezed her bicep.
"Feel what?"
Clark nodded, trying to mask his growing panic. He moved further up and squeezed her shoulder.
"Yeah, I can feel that. Kind of. On top."
"Okay." Clark said. "We need to get you back to Earth as soon as possible. I'm going to get the ship going, and we're going to build a stretched to get you on board. Just stay calm, okay? We're going to get you back safely."
Kara closed her eyes as Clark and Conner walked off. She could faintly hear them talking as they left.
"She's going to be okay, right?"
"I don't know, Conner. We just need to get her back home now."
Kara felt herself drift off as the pounding in her head increased. Maybe this was just a strange, terrible nightmare. She'd wake up, and everything would be fine...
-----
Cassie knew something was seriously wrong the second she flew in the house. She hadn't seen that look on her mother's face since Diana had died right shortly after Cassie became Wonder Girl.
"Mom? What's wrong?"
Helena put down the phone. "It's Kara."
Cassie's hand flew to her mouth. "Is - is she - ?"
Helena shook her head. "No, she's alive, but it's serious. She was training on this planet, Rigel - "
"Where none of them have their powers. I know! What happened?"
"She was swimming, and there was an accident. Her head, or her neck...they're not sure what's wrong yet. She's en route to Samaritan Hospital in Gotham."
"I've got to - "
Helena nodded. "I know. Go. I'll take off work and be along as soon as I can."
Cassie took off into the sky. This couldn't be happening, she thought to herself. Things had been going so well. Kara had become part of her, and now the girl she loved was fighting for her life. As she soared over the sky, hoping that Gotham would come into view sooner rather than later, she closed her eyes and said a silent prayer.
God, Zeus, or Rao...whoever's listening. Whatever comes next, we can face it. Just don't take her away. Whatever you do, please don't take her.
-----
Samaritan Hospital was a well-oiled machine, devoted to the care of seriously injured Metahuman patients. It was usually the only facility in the world capable of providing the care needed to the superhero population, and only the best in the world worked there. As word came in that a seriously injured Kryptonian was coming in, the hospital sprung into action. Within minutes of arrival, an unconscious Kara had been transfered from the makeshift stretcher used to transport her to a body board that held her firmly in place, her neck safely secured. Her powers had started to return as soon as they had re-entered Earth's orbit, but the hospital was equipped with red-sun lamps to make it possible to operate. And with that, she was whisked away to the ER, leaving Clark and Conner with nothing to do but wait.
"It's my fault."
"Conner..."
"Well, it is!" Conner yelled. "I'm the one who told her about the spring. I should have warned her not to dive. If I had..."
Clark put his hand on Conner's shoulder. "Conner, if this is anyone's fault, it's mine. The two of you are safe here on Earth. I might like to train without my powers occasionally, but I never should have brought the two of you along. I put her in danger. She's my responsibility, the only family from Krypton I have left, and if anything happens to her..."
"You were always keeping us safe during training, with all the safety equipment. There's nothing you could have done here. It was just some kind of freak accident."
"You're right. Now all we can do is be here for her when she wakes up." Clark said. And he said a silent prayer that his first instincts were wrong, and this was a lot less serious than he thought.
The doors to the waiting room slammed open, and Cassie flew in, her eyes streaked with tears. She saw Superman and flew over to him, hugging him.
"How is she?"
"We don't know yet." Clark sighed. "She's been in surgery for a while now. We're just hoping for the best."
"My cousin's tough, Cass. She's going to make it."
Cassie nodded at Conner's words, taking a seat next to them. Minutes seemed to pass like hours as people came in and out of the waiting room. Lois joined them, offering support to her husband and his family. Martha was called, but she probably wouldn't be able to make it out until tomorrow. Finally, after what seemed like forever, a doctor came out, removed her surgical mask, and walked over to them.
"Well?" Cassie asked impatiently, wringing her hands.
"We've got her stabilized. The surgery was touch and go for a bit there, but she pulled through. She's a strong girl - a lot of patients with this sort of injury don't make it. We've got her in a coma right now, but we should be able to bring her out in a few days, once it becomes clear that there aren't any immediate complications. Once we completed the surgery, we removed the red sun generators, so her powers are coming back, which should speed up the healing process."
"So she's going to be okay?" Conner asked.
The doctor sighed, his face turning serious. "I think we should talk in private." He motioned to Cassie. "Family only."
"Bull." Lois snapped. "If you've got something to tell us, you're telling all of us - in there, or out here."
Cassie shot Lois a thankful glance, and the Doctor, clearly seeing a will greater than his own, motioned the family into a private room. X-rays and examining charts were plastered on the wall as the doctor started talking.
"As this hospital goes, this is actually a fairly routine case. This type of injury tragically happens thousands of times a year, but this is one of the first cases we've seen in the metahuman population and definitely the first involving a Kryptonian. I understand Miss Zor-El was under a red sun at the time of the injury?"
Clark nodded. "We were training."
"When she dove into the lake, the impact of the collision dislocated her fourth and fifth cervical vertebrae - at the center of her neck - and that trapped her spinal cord, crushing it and cutting off blood flow."
"What does that mean?" Cassie asked tentatively, keeping a tight grip on Clark's arm.
"Now, it's important to understand that we don't know how this kind of injury will function in a Kryptonian, but the nervous system seems remarkably similar to humans. In textbook terms, this is what's known as a C4 spinal cord injury, resulting in paralysis from the neck down."
"But she's not human!" Cassie yelled. She turned to Clark. "You can do something, right?"
"I don't know." Clark said. "I don't really know anything right now." He turned to the doctor. "When I've been injured in the past, I've healed much better under yellow sun therapy - concentrated doses of solar radiation. Do you think that could help?"
"It seems as good an idea as any." The doctor said. "We're honestly at a loss here - we've never treated this sort of injury in someone like Kara, so all we have to go on is human standards. And looking at the level of cord damage...well, I don't want to give you false hope. We'll try every experimental treatment we can find, but if this injury follows the cases we've seen in the non-powered population, the odds of Kara recovering from the paralysis are less than 1%. I'm sorry."
Cassie forced her lips to move, trying to process what she had just heard. "Where - where is she?"
"She's in the neuro unit, which is on the third floor, but visitors aren't - "
The doctor was interrupted mid-sentence as Cassie flew out of the room. Conner seemed shellshocked, sitting in his chair with his head in his hands. Clark got out of his chair, walked over to the wall - and promptly put his fist through it.
"Clark?" Lois walked over.
"I thought she'd be fine. She just wanted to go for a swim, and I never thought..."
"Clark, this isn't your fault. You can't prevent everything."
"I couldn't even protect my family, Lois. And now I can't do anything to fix this. Krypton's medical technology, even if they managed to fix this kind of injury, is long gone. This is the first time in a long time that I've felt truly helpless."
Lois embraced her husband. The Els were a tough clan, she thought. She had to believe that whatever came next, they would be able to figure it out together. After all, Clark and Conner had beaten death. If anyone could beat paralysis, it was Kara.
-----
The neurological unit was relatively deserted as Cassie ran through the hallways, checking the names on the doors. A nurse yelled at her to stop, but she ignored the call. It didn't take long before she spied the name "Kara Zor-El" printed on a chart by room 22-A. Sticking her head in, she gasped. Kara was lying in bed, hooked up to what seemed like dozens of monitors. If it wasn't for the metal halo around her head, holding her neck in place, she could have passed for sleeping. God, even now, after coming so close to death, she was so beautiful...
Cassie sat down next to Kara's bed, taking her limp hand and stroking it. "Hey, K. I don't know if you can hear me...but they say you're going to make it. You had us all really scared." Cassie felt herself choke up. "Just...come back to us, okay? I don't know what's going to happen then, but no matter what, I'm there for you. I love you."
Cassie sat there, in the dark, listening to the rhythmic beeps of the heart monitor. As hard as it was to see Kara like this, she had a feeling things were only going to get harder from here.
-----
Time passed slowly over the next few days at Samaritan Hospital. Martha and Helena took up residence at the hospital, and the families worked in shifts, making sure someone was always there in case there was a change. Clark and Conner would leave occasionally when there was a crisis that needed their attention, but otherwise they kept a vigil. Cassie had barely left Kara's side, usually having to be reminded by her mother to get something to eat or take some time to sleep. A few times a day, the doctor would come in, check Kara's vitals, and decide to wait another day before bringing her out of the coma.
It was on the fifth day when the doctor did a quick check of heart rate and decided that it was time. They'd slowly dial back the amount of sedative being pumped into Kara's system, and allow her to wake up. But with this good news came a lot of uncertainty. While they were happy to see Kara alive and awake, she was waking up to the news that life as she knew it was over. As time passed, Kara's family watched anxiously for signs that she was stirring back to life.
-----
It felt like she had the "hangover" she had heard so much about from her friends, only times one million, Kara thought. Her head was pounding, and even the slightest light forced her to shut her eyes tight. Something that felt like metal was digging into her skull. Her head was swimming, trying to make sense of her surroundings.
What the hell happened? I was swimming, and...something went wrong. God, my head hurts. Where am I?
The annoying, persistent beep of the machines around her wasn't going away, so Kara forced her eyes open. It took a minute for her vision to clear, but she could see Clark, with Cassie right behind him, and Kon, Lois, Martha, and Cassie's mom behind them. It looked like she was in a hospital room of some kind.
Oh, great. The whole crew turned out. They must have been panicked. I can't believe I embarassed myself like this.
"Kara?" Clark sat down next to the bed. "How are you feeling?"
Kara opened her mouth. Her lips were chapped, her tongue felt dried out, and her throat was killing her, but she managed to choke out a few words. "Like hell."
"You really scared us, kiddo. It's good to have you back with us." Clark smiled, but there was something in his eyes that worried Kara. "How much do you remember?"
"It was really hot...and I went for a swim. I think I banged my head, and..." It was starting to come back to her. Not being able to swim out of the lake, being pulled out and lying there on the shore, unable to get up. She tried to turn her head, but a sharp pain from the metal thing around her head stopped her.
"Don't try to move, okay? The halo's made out of a Kryptonian alloy, to stop you from moving your head."
"Halo? Kal, what happened to me?" Kara tried to force herself up off the bed, but her body didn't respond. "Am I tied down? Why can't I move?"
Out of the corner of her eye, Kara could see tears starting to roll down Cassie's face, and Clark looked like he was barely keeping it together himself.
"Kara...you hurt yourself pretty badly when you hit your head. You dislocated two of the vertebrae in your neck, and you damaged your spinal cord. The doctor can explain it a lot better than I am when he comes back, but - "
"Am I paralyzed?"
"Kara, we don't know how things will work from here, exactly. I don't want you - "
"Just tell me!" Kara snapped. "I want to know. How bad is it?"
Clark slowly nodded. "Right now, yes. You're paralyzed from the neck down."
Kara felt like she had been shot when she heard those words. No. This doesn't make any sense. I'm Supergirl. I can fly. I can break the sound barrier. Of course I can move. I just need to focus.
Kara focused on her hand, which was lying on her thigh. She just had to move it an inch, just to prove she could. But no matter how hard she concentrated on it, it wouldn't budge. She couldn't move or feel anything besides her head.
"Kara?" Cassie walked over to the bed and took Kara's hand. "We're going to get through this. No matter what, I'm going to be here for you. We're going to get you better."
Kara looked at her limp hand, clutched tightly in Cassie's. Hot tears started running down her cheeks, impossible to wipe away. "How? I can't even feel you."
"I know." Cassie said sadly as she leaned in, avoiding banging into Kara's halo, to softly kiss her on the lips. Kara closed her eyes, wishing the world away. As much as she loved her family, and Cassie, she didn't want to see them - anyone - right now. The last thing she knew, she had been Supergirl, and nothing could touch her. Now, she had been dropped into a terrifying, unfamiliar life where her own body had turned against her. And she had no idea how she could face the future not knowing if things would ever be the same.
-----
Kara was used to life going ridiculously fast. She would get dressed, shower, eat breakfast, and be out of the house in under ten minutes. Running across Metropolis took seconds. If she wanted to see Paris or Tokyo, she could be there in less than an hour. Now, life seemed to have ground to a complete halt. Minutes passed like hours in this hospital bed, broken up only by having someone come in and try to make small talk with her, but she rarely felt like talking. Even with Cassie, who always tried her best to cheer her up. Doctors would occasionally come in, prod at her, and make some comments about how she was healing well. The halo was removed relatively quickly, replaced with a much more comfortable neck brace, but as the days went by and nothing changed, Kara started to wonder exactly what awaited her once she was healed enough to leave the intensive care unit. She had lost count of the number of things she could no longer do for herself, and the list seemed to grow longer every day. More and more, she found herself trying to escape by any means necessary. TV got boring quickly, especially when you had to ask someone to change the channel for you.
Fortunately, there was one escape that never seemed to get old - the private soap operas that went on in the surrounding rooms. Her arms and legs may have been paralyzed, but her eyes and ears worked just fine - and with them, the few active powers she had left. X-ray vision let her peer into the rooms above and to both sides, while super-hearing allowed her to follow the stories of the people in them. It was a welcome distraction from all the unanswered questions of her own life. There was the c-list supervillain considering going straight after losing his leg in a heist gone wrong, the husband and wife superhero team hoping that the transplant would take, and Mr. Terrific battling endlessly with his doctors as they tried to get him to take it easy while recovering from multiple stab wounds. She had become more than a little invested in some of these stories, watching them unfold and hoping for a happy ending - the kind that she was worried would be denied her.
"Anything interesting going on in that head of yours?"
Kara stopped watching the room above her and turned her head as much as she could to see Clark walking into the room. She wouldn't tell him what she was doing - he was the type to care about people's privacy and all that, and she didn't need the disapproving look.
"Not really. Just...passing the time." Kara faked a smile. "Any news from the outside world?"
"I've been working with STAR Labs in Metropolis, trying to get a solar charging chamber into working order. It's tricky, because their technology isn't compatible the Kryptonian tech, but we're keeping at it. Once it's up and running, we can see if it helps to start the healing process." Clark reached up and carefully flicked a lock of hair out of Kara's eyes. "So, the doctors say you're going to be moving to the Rehab program in a few days. That should be a nice change of scenery."
"I guess. I don't know. There's privacy here, at least. There, everyone's going to be staring at me. It's not just superhumans, right?"
"It's run jointly with the Thomas Wayne Memorial Hospital's Spinal Cord Rehabilitation program, so there'll be a lot of people with similar injuries to yours, both powered and not. It's the best program in the States. There's counselors, occupational therapy, outings to help you get used to things..."
Kara sighed. Her family had kept the paparazzi at bay since she was admitted, but she knew that out there, everyone was going to want a piece of her. After all, it was the story of the century - Poor Supergirl, she used to be the most powerful girl alive, and now she can't even turn over in bed or scratch her own nose. She hated the thought of being in the middle of a crowded rehab program, where she would immediately be the celebrity in the room. Right now, she only cared about one thing.
"Can they fix me? Can they make me move again?"
Kara could see Clark stop dead in his tracks. He wasn't prepared for that question. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he spoke again. "We're not going to give up on getting you better, Kara. But this program...it's going to teach you how to work with what you've got, learn how to do things in different ways."
"So, it's going to teach me to be the best cripple I can be?" Kara snapped.
"No, it's - Kara, you can't lie in bed waiting for things to change. A lot of people have done amazing things with injuries like yours, and that's what this program is about - teaching you to reclaim your life."
"What life?" Kara turned her head away and stared out the window. "Conner should have just let me drown."
"Kara..."
"I'm really tired, Clark. I just want to sleep now."
Clark nodded sadly. "Get some rest, okay? I'll be back tomorrow." As he walked out, Kara closed her eyes and tried to go to sleep. The world of dreams was a welcome relief.
-----
In retrospect, going to sleep in the early evening may not have been the best idea. Kara had dreamed beautiful, vivid dreams of flying through the sky, feeling the wind on her body, and wrapping her arms around Cassie, and then woken up at 3 in the morning to the darkness of her room and the numbness of her body. She felt like screaming, screaming so loud that the entire city would wake up, but what would that do? She could scream all she wanted, but no one knew how to fix her. She was trapped in a prison of her own body, all because of one stupid split-second decision. Why hadn't she checked the depth, or done a cannonball, or just waded in? It all seemed so simple in retrospect, but in that one critical moment, she had screwed up, and now her life as she knew it was gone forever.
"K?" A soft voice came from outside the window. "Are you awake in there?"
"Cassie?"
The window slipped open, and Cassie flew inside, sitting at the foot of Kara's bed. "I know visiting hours are over - like, way over - but I was just watching you from outside. Just to make sure you were okay."
"But I'm not okay, Cassie." Kara said, tears beginning to streak down her face again. "I don't think I'm ever going to be okay."
Cassie bent over and stroked Kara's cheek. "You're the strongest person I know, Kara. If anyone can beat this, it's you."
"But that's it - I don't think I can. And no one else does, either. I'm never going to be able to move again, am I?"
"We don't know that..."
"No, but it's a safe bet, right?" Kara asked. "No one will give me a straight answer."
"I don't know what Superman's cooking up the fortress. You never know - "
"Cassie, I can't do this. I can't live like this. I just want it to be over...but I can't even do that for myself."
"Kara, it's going to get better. Just wait until you get out of here, and - "
"Cassie, I need your help. If you love me...Batman keeps a small chunk of Kryptonite in the cave. I saw it the last time I was there. It's in a safe under the computer. I want you to bring it here and open it."
"Kara? Are you asking me to - "
"Just leave it here overnight. By the time the morning rolls around...it'll be over."
"You're asking me to kill you!" Cassie gasped. "I could never - "
"I can't do it for myself, Cassie." Kara said with tears in her eyes. "I wish I could hold on for you, but I can't. I'm just not strong enough."
"Listen to me. You are. I've seen you beat unbelievable odds. I know how terrifying this is, how scared you must be, but the Kara I fell in love with isn't going to give in to despair. She'd look at the odds, and take them as a challenge." Cassie leaned in and looked Kara in the eyes. "When you first got hurt, I said a prayer to whoever was listening that we could handle whatever happened, as long as we were together. I knew that you were the strongest, most amazing person I've ever met. And I still believe in you, even if you don't. Can you hold on, for me?"
Kara slowly nodded. "What if it doesn't get any easier?"
"Then we'll figure it out together. But I can't lose you, K. It doesn't matter what you can move - you're my heart."
Cassie crawled into the bed next to Kara and wrapped her arms around her. Kara felt a stabbing in her heart at the thought that she might never feel Cassie's arms wrapped around her again, but even her comforting presence was something. She closed her eyes and moved her head towards Cassie's hair, sniffing that familiar scent of honey and lilac. She wanted to believe Cassie, but she didn't. As much as she wanted to believe she could have something resembling a decent life in this motionless body, the thought of spending her life like this was terrifying. The sun would be coming up soon, and bringing with it more uncertainty.