ParanopiA
heart going bump bump bump
i've only been up one night again but i haven't eaten and i've been cleaning allll night. and all day yesterday too. but i did eat yesterday, pretty sure it was yesterday. 1000 cals. figured it'd take care of today too but if i wanna stay up i better eat somethin... but i'm obsessing about going out. it's so warm i can't hide in my big grey teddy-bear fall coat, would look ridiculous. but i'm afraid my ass looks big, or that my boobs look weird because i'm wearing a too big sports bra so there's half the support. i like it when my boobs are firmly pressed flat and up so i look leaner. and i'm afraid wind will blow up my skirt like Marilyn Monroe's... it's not that kind of skirt but still. it'd be embarassing. how do people wear those half-assed mini skirts outside? beyond me. mine ends right below the knees and i feel like everyone must think i'm a total skank wearing that kinda stuff outside...prolly think "she should just hide inside her teddybearbodyscalp and not even try to look normal" ...cuz she's weird. and she's tweaked, and tired. and all kinds of fucked up thankyouverymuch.
aaanyway. where was i? oh yeah. other prob is i dunno what to eat if i manage to go to the store... oh, kiwis. i wanna go to the store that's 2 minutes closer, they don't have the meal replacement bars i eat but they have kiwis. what then? bananas...potassium for paranoids.
i've only been up one night again but i haven't eaten and i've been cleaning allll night. and all day yesterday too. but i did eat yesterday, pretty sure it was yesterday. 1000 cals. figured it'd take care of today too but if i wanna stay up i better eat somethin... but i'm obsessing about going out. it's so warm i can't hide in my big grey teddy-bear fall coat, would look ridiculous. but i'm afraid my ass looks big, or that my boobs look weird because i'm wearing a too big sports bra so there's half the support. i like it when my boobs are firmly pressed flat and up so i look leaner. and i'm afraid wind will blow up my skirt like Marilyn Monroe's... it's not that kind of skirt but still. it'd be embarassing. how do people wear those half-assed mini skirts outside? beyond me. mine ends right below the knees and i feel like everyone must think i'm a total skank wearing that kinda stuff outside...prolly think "she should just hide inside her teddybearbodyscalp and not even try to look normal" ...cuz she's weird. and she's tweaked, and tired. and all kinds of fucked up thankyouverymuch.
aaanyway. where was i? oh yeah. other prob is i dunno what to eat if i manage to go to the store... oh, kiwis. i wanna go to the store that's 2 minutes closer, they don't have the meal replacement bars i eat but they have kiwis. what then? bananas...potassium for paranoids.