An Orbit
8pm, a wild C. appears.
So it's weird. Crushes or infatuations, whatever. It's weird that a stranger (basically) is becoming something you'll see so much of, if your hopes go as planned. And getting high with that person AND your ex is a singular sensation. Like past and present; past giving a nod to the present and the present LITERALLY being a present. The gift of time, and maybe MORE time and I'm a little high still.
I was WTH earlier to the point where I lost my train of thought a couple of times, but only telling weird stories about me having a hernia. The story sounded made up, and even I began to question if it was my own actual history. I know it was, but it was part of the stupid Java drama. My high was a little disassociative, which is okay, but this is a thing apparently I am trying to disassociate myself with anyway - the whole thinking Java was a viable option. I cannot believe I wasted so much time with him. I knew it was anemic before, but when a wild C. suddenly appears and instantly and without even understanding does EVERY THING I ever wanted Java to do, SHIT. I cannot believe I was allowing myself to 'love' someone who didn't cherish me or feed me so many kisses or recognize that I go out of my way to do sweet things because I am a rad, thoughtful, loving & kind person.
Being high and disassociative feeling with someone I think about throughout the day in a somewhat dreamlike state is weird. It removes the veil of dreamlike and all is clear. He's talking to Matt. WHO IS THIS AWESOME NEW STRANGER? The one I've been kissing for 3 hours straight. He's telling regular people stories to Matt. Matt, whom I've spent 1/3 of my life with, who feels like an extension of me in some ways is talking to someone he knows I am into. Regular people talk. When me and C aren't in each others' orbits, we have to be regular people. We are in a capsule together and all we do is kiss, perfectly, nonstop and smile at each other and gaze into eyes and talk and laugh and already we've connected and I FUCKING LIKE HIM SO MUCH.
Sunset's been texting me all night. I didn't look at my phone til my wild C. disappeared, but Sunset NOW wants me to come over tonight and do all the sexy things. I said no, not wanting to tell him that he missed him Golden Whoppertunity. He said he will spend the night tomorrow night and we can play all night. I told him that tomorrow is Dead Kennedy's night. And it is. But I don't want to say HEY, you SNOST you LOST. It seems weird to say that. Like it's a presumption of sorts. I was down to clown 2 weeks ago and he flaked and has been flaking consistently since. At least he's consistent! LOL.
My wild C. is the perfect kisser, adorably goofy, super interesting AND he's a master craftsman when it comes to my lady parts! There are no words for it, it's just WOW. We haven't had intercourse and we probably won't rush into that anyway because he's very skilled and genuinely passionate about bringing me all the pleasure. It's incredible and that's just the cherry on top of an already beautiful thing.
It's funny to me because JUST EXACTLY a week ago, Karina and I went to see The Cure and there was a couple 2 rows in front of us that were SO INTO each other. I looked at them and told Karina that I just didn't think that was ever gonna happen to me; like it couldn't be real that anyone could feel so lovey towards me. But my wild C. seems to. If he was here 7 hours, we legit kissed at least 6 of those and would still be kissing right now! Isn't kissing so weird but so perfect that you cannot stop if it is feeling so good? If we were at a Cure concert and a romantic song was being played and we were basking in the glow of a perfect song and how lucky we feel, I could see it happening now. I genuinely didn't think it would.
It's all new. I just want to send Sunset back out into a far away orbit, like he did to me by flake flake flaking. I was #teamsunset for a real good clip there. Then I wasn't. #teamwildC justlikethis FOREVER!
So it's weird. Crushes or infatuations, whatever. It's weird that a stranger (basically) is becoming something you'll see so much of, if your hopes go as planned. And getting high with that person AND your ex is a singular sensation. Like past and present; past giving a nod to the present and the present LITERALLY being a present. The gift of time, and maybe MORE time and I'm a little high still.
I was WTH earlier to the point where I lost my train of thought a couple of times, but only telling weird stories about me having a hernia. The story sounded made up, and even I began to question if it was my own actual history. I know it was, but it was part of the stupid Java drama. My high was a little disassociative, which is okay, but this is a thing apparently I am trying to disassociate myself with anyway - the whole thinking Java was a viable option. I cannot believe I wasted so much time with him. I knew it was anemic before, but when a wild C. suddenly appears and instantly and without even understanding does EVERY THING I ever wanted Java to do, SHIT. I cannot believe I was allowing myself to 'love' someone who didn't cherish me or feed me so many kisses or recognize that I go out of my way to do sweet things because I am a rad, thoughtful, loving & kind person.
Being high and disassociative feeling with someone I think about throughout the day in a somewhat dreamlike state is weird. It removes the veil of dreamlike and all is clear. He's talking to Matt. WHO IS THIS AWESOME NEW STRANGER? The one I've been kissing for 3 hours straight. He's telling regular people stories to Matt. Matt, whom I've spent 1/3 of my life with, who feels like an extension of me in some ways is talking to someone he knows I am into. Regular people talk. When me and C aren't in each others' orbits, we have to be regular people. We are in a capsule together and all we do is kiss, perfectly, nonstop and smile at each other and gaze into eyes and talk and laugh and already we've connected and I FUCKING LIKE HIM SO MUCH.
Sunset's been texting me all night. I didn't look at my phone til my wild C. disappeared, but Sunset NOW wants me to come over tonight and do all the sexy things. I said no, not wanting to tell him that he missed him Golden Whoppertunity. He said he will spend the night tomorrow night and we can play all night. I told him that tomorrow is Dead Kennedy's night. And it is. But I don't want to say HEY, you SNOST you LOST. It seems weird to say that. Like it's a presumption of sorts. I was down to clown 2 weeks ago and he flaked and has been flaking consistently since. At least he's consistent! LOL.
My wild C. is the perfect kisser, adorably goofy, super interesting AND he's a master craftsman when it comes to my lady parts! There are no words for it, it's just WOW. We haven't had intercourse and we probably won't rush into that anyway because he's very skilled and genuinely passionate about bringing me all the pleasure. It's incredible and that's just the cherry on top of an already beautiful thing.
It's funny to me because JUST EXACTLY a week ago, Karina and I went to see The Cure and there was a couple 2 rows in front of us that were SO INTO each other. I looked at them and told Karina that I just didn't think that was ever gonna happen to me; like it couldn't be real that anyone could feel so lovey towards me. But my wild C. seems to. If he was here 7 hours, we legit kissed at least 6 of those and would still be kissing right now! Isn't kissing so weird but so perfect that you cannot stop if it is feeling so good? If we were at a Cure concert and a romantic song was being played and we were basking in the glow of a perfect song and how lucky we feel, I could see it happening now. I genuinely didn't think it would.
It's all new. I just want to send Sunset back out into a far away orbit, like he did to me by flake flake flaking. I was #teamsunset for a real good clip there. Then I wasn't. #teamwildC justlikethis FOREVER!