Complaints Dept.
After all of the relationship feels wore off from the only real boyfriend I've had since my marriage got weird, I tried all the apps that single folk do; Tinder, OKcupid, Bumble, some other dumb thing that no one else seemed to use. My experience was likely in line with what a 40-something girl with green hair should expect, or maybe ANY fairly average looking girl of any age should expect. That is to say STUPID.
Tinder: match with cute dudes who have zero intention of even saying hello!
OKcupid: get creepy notes from heinooo men that (as Ja Rule says) make ya feel slutted even if ya don't want it.
Bumble: same dudes on here as Tinder but no one remembers this pointless app, so you don't even match with someone who will never ever talk to you. On the off-chance you do match, good luck starting anything at all. I think the women-folk are supposed to be the first to contact, unlike Tinder where the thirstier of the two of you can write first. But no activity happened here, so just another way to sit and silently judge people for their shitty profile pics. Or if you're like me, their peculiarly trimmed facial hair.
Let's talk about shitty profile pics for a sec? Why do people have such a hard time taking a good, clear, in focus photo in 2016? I know none of these assholes is avant garde enough to be using a Holga, so we can probably assume that they or someone they know won't laugh at them for asking for help taking a decent picture HAS an iPhone or Android that is capable of taking pretty great photographs, even of your horrible beardy strap type thing or lousy choice of shirts. (Seriously, unless you are at a 90's themed costume party, shiny button up shirts are not acceptable anymore.)
And for me, there are definitely things I see in your photos that make me hate you. And yes, I know it's silly of me. I, of all people, should not be judging a book by its cover, but Tinder brings out the judginess in all of us. It is our right to judge there, it is what we are required to do, yes?
So here are things I hate:
One cutie I was talking to for awhile was super duper into my looks and we got along great and were even snapchat flirty for awhile, but he would never meet me! It made no sense to me, it still makes no sense. If you like someone for all the reasons that Tinder is there for, why not meet them? He said he just wanted to try the sexting thing but wasn't having much success. It didn't even work with me. He got cleavage at best. ;) I eventually told him if he didn't wanna meet up, I didn't wanna keep talking. I was calling his bluff. And he said "okay, I wish you luck." and that was that. It hurt a little, because I was sure things would turn around, but on to bigger better things, eh?
One jerked me around about actually meeting up. He said we definitely had plans and then when I asked for the time and place, he acted as if he didn't get my messages at first and the day came and went without a word or an apology. The next day he was liking my pictures on Instagram, so I sent him a message saying 'Joe, what's up? Why did you drop the ball?' and he legit replies 'What ball?' I should have said 'what happened to your BALLS, to tell me you weren't interested anymore because I insisted that you meet me at a diner instead of netflix and chill?' And this was the guy that kept telling me how much he wanted "a pretty girl like me in his life" - well exert some effort then, dummy. Fools lack effort. I suffer no fools anymore. I suffered one of those for over a year, and it was just demoralizing. No more!
There are more, but that's for tomorrow's story time.
Tinder: match with cute dudes who have zero intention of even saying hello!
OKcupid: get creepy notes from heinooo men that (as Ja Rule says) make ya feel slutted even if ya don't want it.
Bumble: same dudes on here as Tinder but no one remembers this pointless app, so you don't even match with someone who will never ever talk to you. On the off-chance you do match, good luck starting anything at all. I think the women-folk are supposed to be the first to contact, unlike Tinder where the thirstier of the two of you can write first. But no activity happened here, so just another way to sit and silently judge people for their shitty profile pics. Or if you're like me, their peculiarly trimmed facial hair.
Let's talk about shitty profile pics for a sec? Why do people have such a hard time taking a good, clear, in focus photo in 2016? I know none of these assholes is avant garde enough to be using a Holga, so we can probably assume that they or someone they know won't laugh at them for asking for help taking a decent picture HAS an iPhone or Android that is capable of taking pretty great photographs, even of your horrible beardy strap type thing or lousy choice of shirts. (Seriously, unless you are at a 90's themed costume party, shiny button up shirts are not acceptable anymore.)
And for me, there are definitely things I see in your photos that make me hate you. And yes, I know it's silly of me. I, of all people, should not be judging a book by its cover, but Tinder brings out the judginess in all of us. It is our right to judge there, it is what we are required to do, yes?
So here are things I hate:
- You're holding a fish up in the air. A mark of pride and triumph, sure. But I just see the dead fish and meh, no likey. Same goes for dead deer, etc.
- You're on a snowcapped mountain. You are athletic. I am a fat lard who prefers slow walkin' a flea market or taking pics in a cemetary. See?
- You're one of 5 to 10 dudes in all of your pictures. Come the fuck on, brah. Put at least one picture of yourself, alone. We won't think you have no friends, promise.
- You're one of 5 to 10 dudes in any of your pictures. You always need your crew? I'm an anti-social type, it makes me shivery to imagine having to hang with alla yall for 5 minutes.
- You're wearing a Superman or Batman logo tee in a particular way. You are taking it too far, with your Superman logo tee under your shirt, ripping it off like you are actually Superman, because, well, you aren't. And now you just look pathetic. Every dude I've seen with a Superman shirt is doing this! I'm going to have to find a pic for proof. You'll see.
- You're at the gym. Again, fat lard here. I'm okay being a fatty, but I have a feeling YOU won't be okay with it. But maybe not. Either way, I don't find dudes in gyms attractive, really.
One cutie I was talking to for awhile was super duper into my looks and we got along great and were even snapchat flirty for awhile, but he would never meet me! It made no sense to me, it still makes no sense. If you like someone for all the reasons that Tinder is there for, why not meet them? He said he just wanted to try the sexting thing but wasn't having much success. It didn't even work with me. He got cleavage at best. ;) I eventually told him if he didn't wanna meet up, I didn't wanna keep talking. I was calling his bluff. And he said "okay, I wish you luck." and that was that. It hurt a little, because I was sure things would turn around, but on to bigger better things, eh?
One jerked me around about actually meeting up. He said we definitely had plans and then when I asked for the time and place, he acted as if he didn't get my messages at first and the day came and went without a word or an apology. The next day he was liking my pictures on Instagram, so I sent him a message saying 'Joe, what's up? Why did you drop the ball?' and he legit replies 'What ball?' I should have said 'what happened to your BALLS, to tell me you weren't interested anymore because I insisted that you meet me at a diner instead of netflix and chill?' And this was the guy that kept telling me how much he wanted "a pretty girl like me in his life" - well exert some effort then, dummy. Fools lack effort. I suffer no fools anymore. I suffered one of those for over a year, and it was just demoralizing. No more!
There are more, but that's for tomorrow's story time.