Conversations I Have Had Sometime Within The Past Three Months : The Woobie Battle
It all began late last December when an unholy combination of late-night television and the WankWiki Article on Woobies lead to a bizarre chain of thought....
MB: Today's theme ingredient on Iron Chef: Woobies!
Cristin: *dies* And then one of them makes Woobie ice cream!
MB: ....
MB: woobie cream
Cristin: The tears of the Woobie are an especially rare and prized flavouring.
MB: Ooohboy
Cristin: ...Iron Chef: the pornographic episode
MB: *dubbed* "Well of course it's very easy to milk a woobie, they're--they're very responsive."
Cristin: *dubbed random female judge* "I'm so excited about today's theme. I love Woobies! I try to make them as much as I can at home, but they're just so expensive."
Cristin: "And they spoil so quickly!"
MB: "And of course they require a masculine touch to achieve their best peak."
Cristin: "It's such a shame, because they say that women can easily pick the woobies out of the wild."
MB: "And what's this on the challenger's side? Some sort of sauce?"
"Fukui-san, the challenger tells me he's preparing a very old traditional dish--glazed woobies with emo sauce."
"Well all right. Emo sauce, never had that in Kitchen Stadium before."
Cristin: *dies laughing*
Cristin: "Oh! What is the Iron Chef doing? Is that some h/c he's mashing together right now?"
"I do believe it is."
"Oh, this is going to be interesting!"
MB: "Of course, woobies are a very difficult ingredient to work with--woobies can be prepared two ways, the first a very sweet flavor, and the second with a very bitter, almost sour, sort of angsty taste. A good chef has to learn how to balance those."
MB: "Oh, what is he making now? It looks almost like... like some kind of cake, or even a lasagna...."
"The Iron Chef is making a Layered Woobie Pie--both kinds of common woobie flavors with the added attraction of woobie-on-woobie action."
"Oh, that sounds like it could be reaaaally gooood...."
"Or else come out too strong."
"*giggles*"
Cristin: "Oh my. I can't say we've ever seen that method of obtaining ingredients in Kitchen Stadium before. What do you think of it [random judge]?"
"Oh, I think that's... quite intriguing. Do the tears tenderize the meat?"
MB: "Well Kitchen Stadium has never seen a battle quite like this!"
Cristin: The Chairman loves Woobies. *nods*
MB: He likes to... okay, disturbing image
Cristin: ...yes. Yes. Ack.
Cat: Meanwhile, this has now sprung the idea upon me fully formed that woobie must be treated like veal in cooking.
MB: XD
Cat: *head in hands* It's very tender, but has a rather subtle flavor that you have to avoid crushing with overcooking or bossy sauces and seasonings. There's a very good preparation involving light battering and a delicate garlic and orange sauce.
MB: XD
Cat: (Can you tell I haven't eaten lunch?)
MB: I'm sad I didn't take the opportunity to bellow, "THE WOOBIE BATTLE IS O-VAH!"
Cat: XD
MB: Better late than never?
Cat: ...I have actually taken myself from neutral to starving with this conversation, which disturbs me given the woobies envisioned were Wilson, Sheppard, and Draco.
MB: XD
MB: See, I can't picture it without Lex, because Lex is clearly a high-quality woobie.
Cat: GAH
MB: >.>
Cat: My mind just went "Hey, remember that one episode? With the lamb? When they had basically whole carcasses up on the dais when the theme ingredient was revealed? You do? Great, have an image!"
MB: XD
Cat: I'm not hungry anymore, suffice it to say. >_<
MB: Lex: "Let me get this straight: you want to stuff me with the finest ingredients, bathe me in high-quality cooking wine, and slowly steam me to perfection?"
Sakai: "Yes."
Lex: "Compared to the week of torture both the fandom and the show had scheduled for me, this sounds enjoyable."
Cat: ...I totally give up on trying to explain why I'm splitting a gut to Tom. It's not worth even starting.
MB: Cameron: "Oh my god. What is this? It's delicious."
House: "It's Wilson."
Cameron: "*stops eating mid-chew."
Cat: Why did my mind helpfully pipe up that he was served over RICE?
MB: House: "Braised saint with orange sauce."
Cat: I also have a rather clear image of the progression of Cameron's facial expression. Her mouth twists in some intriguing ways.
MB: Chase: "Wow. He's really good. *munches on*"
Foreman: "*slowly turns to stare*"
Cat: XD XD XD
MB: House: "I always suspected I'd end up swallowing Wilson. *stabs a piece with his fork*"
Cat: Meanwhile, Chase has cleaned his up in about five minutes.
MB: Metaphorical.
MB: Cuddy: "*wanders in* What are you eating? It smells divine."
House: "I gather that's the point."
Chase, helpfully: "It's Wilson."
Cuddy: "*long pause*"
Everyone: "*waits expectantly*"
Cuddy: "Is it kosher?"
Rhia: So, is there a rationale I'm missing for why House cooked and ate Wilson?
MB: Iron Chef: Woobies!
Rhia: Ohhhh. Okay.
MB: Stacy: "What'd House do that was so terrible, anyway?"
Cameron: "*hesitates*"
Stacy: "Oh, come on. I lived with him five years. You think anything he'd do would really surprise me?"
Cameron: "He fed us Wilson."
Stacy: "...okay, that surprised me."
MB: Stacy: "Look at it this way, I'm sure Wilson would have wanted to be eaten."
Cameron, sniffling: "You really think so?"
Stacy: "Well, sure! Give his sacrifice meaning and purpose. Let him give someone joy even from beyond the grave. It's a good thing."
Cameron, reassured, exits.
Stacy: "I have never sold a greater line of bullshit in my life."
Rhia: *snerk* Oh, Stacy. You deserved so much better from this show and fandom.
MB: Today's theme ingredient on Iron Chef: Woobies!
Cristin: *dies* And then one of them makes Woobie ice cream!
MB: ....
MB: woobie cream
Cristin: The tears of the Woobie are an especially rare and prized flavouring.
MB: Ooohboy
Cristin: ...Iron Chef: the pornographic episode
MB: *dubbed* "Well of course it's very easy to milk a woobie, they're--they're very responsive."
Cristin: *dubbed random female judge* "I'm so excited about today's theme. I love Woobies! I try to make them as much as I can at home, but they're just so expensive."
Cristin: "And they spoil so quickly!"
MB: "And of course they require a masculine touch to achieve their best peak."
Cristin: "It's such a shame, because they say that women can easily pick the woobies out of the wild."
MB: "And what's this on the challenger's side? Some sort of sauce?"
"Fukui-san, the challenger tells me he's preparing a very old traditional dish--glazed woobies with emo sauce."
"Well all right. Emo sauce, never had that in Kitchen Stadium before."
Cristin: *dies laughing*
Cristin: "Oh! What is the Iron Chef doing? Is that some h/c he's mashing together right now?"
"I do believe it is."
"Oh, this is going to be interesting!"
MB: "Of course, woobies are a very difficult ingredient to work with--woobies can be prepared two ways, the first a very sweet flavor, and the second with a very bitter, almost sour, sort of angsty taste. A good chef has to learn how to balance those."
MB: "Oh, what is he making now? It looks almost like... like some kind of cake, or even a lasagna...."
"The Iron Chef is making a Layered Woobie Pie--both kinds of common woobie flavors with the added attraction of woobie-on-woobie action."
"Oh, that sounds like it could be reaaaally gooood...."
"Or else come out too strong."
"*giggles*"
Cristin: "Oh my. I can't say we've ever seen that method of obtaining ingredients in Kitchen Stadium before. What do you think of it [random judge]?"
"Oh, I think that's... quite intriguing. Do the tears tenderize the meat?"
MB: "Well Kitchen Stadium has never seen a battle quite like this!"
Cristin: The Chairman loves Woobies. *nods*
MB: He likes to... okay, disturbing image
Cristin: ...yes. Yes. Ack.
Cat: Meanwhile, this has now sprung the idea upon me fully formed that woobie must be treated like veal in cooking.
MB: XD
Cat: *head in hands* It's very tender, but has a rather subtle flavor that you have to avoid crushing with overcooking or bossy sauces and seasonings. There's a very good preparation involving light battering and a delicate garlic and orange sauce.
MB: XD
Cat: (Can you tell I haven't eaten lunch?)
MB: I'm sad I didn't take the opportunity to bellow, "THE WOOBIE BATTLE IS O-VAH!"
Cat: XD
MB: Better late than never?
Cat: ...I have actually taken myself from neutral to starving with this conversation, which disturbs me given the woobies envisioned were Wilson, Sheppard, and Draco.
MB: XD
MB: See, I can't picture it without Lex, because Lex is clearly a high-quality woobie.
Cat: GAH
MB: >.>
Cat: My mind just went "Hey, remember that one episode? With the lamb? When they had basically whole carcasses up on the dais when the theme ingredient was revealed? You do? Great, have an image!"
MB: XD
Cat: I'm not hungry anymore, suffice it to say. >_<
MB: Lex: "Let me get this straight: you want to stuff me with the finest ingredients, bathe me in high-quality cooking wine, and slowly steam me to perfection?"
Sakai: "Yes."
Lex: "Compared to the week of torture both the fandom and the show had scheduled for me, this sounds enjoyable."
Cat: ...I totally give up on trying to explain why I'm splitting a gut to Tom. It's not worth even starting.
MB: Cameron: "Oh my god. What is this? It's delicious."
House: "It's Wilson."
Cameron: "*stops eating mid-chew."
Cat: Why did my mind helpfully pipe up that he was served over RICE?
MB: House: "Braised saint with orange sauce."
Cat: I also have a rather clear image of the progression of Cameron's facial expression. Her mouth twists in some intriguing ways.
MB: Chase: "Wow. He's really good. *munches on*"
Foreman: "*slowly turns to stare*"
Cat: XD XD XD
MB: House: "I always suspected I'd end up swallowing Wilson. *stabs a piece with his fork*"
Cat: Meanwhile, Chase has cleaned his up in about five minutes.
MB: Metaphorical.
MB: Cuddy: "*wanders in* What are you eating? It smells divine."
House: "I gather that's the point."
Chase, helpfully: "It's Wilson."
Cuddy: "*long pause*"
Everyone: "*waits expectantly*"
Cuddy: "Is it kosher?"
Rhia: So, is there a rationale I'm missing for why House cooked and ate Wilson?
MB: Iron Chef: Woobies!
Rhia: Ohhhh. Okay.
MB: Stacy: "What'd House do that was so terrible, anyway?"
Cameron: "*hesitates*"
Stacy: "Oh, come on. I lived with him five years. You think anything he'd do would really surprise me?"
Cameron: "He fed us Wilson."
Stacy: "...okay, that surprised me."
MB: Stacy: "Look at it this way, I'm sure Wilson would have wanted to be eaten."
Cameron, sniffling: "You really think so?"
Stacy: "Well, sure! Give his sacrifice meaning and purpose. Let him give someone joy even from beyond the grave. It's a good thing."
Cameron, reassured, exits.
Stacy: "I have never sold a greater line of bullshit in my life."
Rhia: *snerk* Oh, Stacy. You deserved so much better from this show and fandom.