(no subject)
This is the only remnant I have of the past and I can't fucking stand it.
I'm so far removed from everything on here pre-HRT.
I cannot connect to any of these emotions. I cannot connect to anything prior to 2010. I feel like I've blocked it out.
And perhaps that's a good thing.
Here I am, leading this seemingly hetero "normal" life style, and meanwhile there's a whole fucking journal dedicated to my queerness and Otherness, but I'm just going to pretend like it doesn't exist and when I get angry at it I'm just gonna go the gym.
I date women who don't know my history.
They don't know about this. About you, or you, or more specifically You. And I'd like to keep it that way.
So perhaps one day I will muster up the courage to delete this damn thing.
But until then, I'm not gonna lie: Sometimes I miss you and this is the closest thing I have to feeling a connection with my past - a fucking online blog. Because everyone else I've cut ties with. Because the one thing that was substantial for a long time probably would no longer recognize me, who I am, what I stand for, how I act or how I feel in the context of a relationship.
And that's okay.
Time is a weird thing.
I'm so far removed from everything on here pre-HRT.
I cannot connect to any of these emotions. I cannot connect to anything prior to 2010. I feel like I've blocked it out.
And perhaps that's a good thing.
Here I am, leading this seemingly hetero "normal" life style, and meanwhile there's a whole fucking journal dedicated to my queerness and Otherness, but I'm just going to pretend like it doesn't exist and when I get angry at it I'm just gonna go the gym.
I date women who don't know my history.
They don't know about this. About you, or you, or more specifically You. And I'd like to keep it that way.
So perhaps one day I will muster up the courage to delete this damn thing.
But until then, I'm not gonna lie: Sometimes I miss you and this is the closest thing I have to feeling a connection with my past - a fucking online blog. Because everyone else I've cut ties with. Because the one thing that was substantial for a long time probably would no longer recognize me, who I am, what I stand for, how I act or how I feel in the context of a relationship.
And that's okay.
Time is a weird thing.