days gone by
so things aren't always what they seem. Lauren and I aren't friends anymore ... go figgure .... I freaked her out and she doesn't ever want to see me again. It's ok, I mean ... yeah ... it hurts to have people walk out on you. To say that your friendship "isn't worth explaining" and that they don't want to be friends anymore. I know I'll be stronger for it all. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss. Mariah always told me that one. She's been the one good friend that I've had through all this, and she's still here. I've given her so many reasons to run, so many opportunities to stop being my friend, and she hasn't taken one of them. *smiles ... I love her so much.
Today before work, I was writing to Leah and Sarah about how I'd miss them at the dance and I was sure that they'd both look absolutely beautiful when Paty walked past me. She looked at me and said that she was leaving Yavapai. I already knew that she was moving out, and that next year I'd have to make do without her. But I didn't know that she had a job opportunity to be an RA in Hopi next week. When she told me when she was leaving, I didn't really believe her. I didn't know why it wouldn't make sense, but I didn't know why it would. I followed her into her room and Andrea was there. She had been having a bad day because her laundry got all messed up because of some stupid person who left a pen in the washing machine and killed her laundry. Paty went to her, and said that she didn't want to add ish to her already bad day, but that she was taking the job offer at Hopi and that she'd be moving out next week. Andrea started to cry. I started to cry. I know I'm not even that close with Paty ... but she is still a part of my life. She's a really good friend whenever I need her, and I try to be there for her. I guess that it was one of those times when you really do know how valauble something is when you lose it. I was able to control myself after a while, and I had to leave for work. I knew that Andrea was going to miss her a lot. I could see it in the way that she cried. In the hurt that she felt because she would be alone and she was losing a good person who is close to her heart. I really wish I could have helped her more. I really wish that this wasn't happening.
Anyway, I got in my car, and was driving to work when "you were mine" came on my CD player in my car. I was at 6th and Euclid and I completely broke down. I started thinking about all the happy things that Paty has done for me. About all the times that she was there for me when I needed to talk about Lauren or Carey or anyone else. She is important to me, she means something to me. It's hard to have that stripped away from me and to not even know that it was going to happen. It fell on me, and I cried my eyes out all the way to work on Oracle and Magee. I know I'll be ok. I mean ... she's still my friend, and she's not THAT far away. But it's hard to lose the ease and comfort that she has always brought to me. I can always go down to the basement and talk to Paty. (not that I'm not there anyway ;) ... but it's hard to lose that feeling of security. *sighs .... I'm ok now ... I've had a lot of time to think about it. I think a really wierd thing about it is also the fact that I cared way more that Paty was leaving and not that I was losing Lauren as a friend. It was wierd.
Anyway .... I hurt, and there is a tiny tiny hole in me that is throbbing. I can't stop thinking about the dinners that we had, the talks in her room about ish, the talks in my room about different ish, and all the happy things that I've shared with her. I'm going to miss that woman. With all my heart I'm going to miss her. But I think I might get together with Andrea and Mondo to throw her a going away party. It will totally ROCK! Because that's what love is all about. *smiles ..... till the morrow
- Mark
Today before work, I was writing to Leah and Sarah about how I'd miss them at the dance and I was sure that they'd both look absolutely beautiful when Paty walked past me. She looked at me and said that she was leaving Yavapai. I already knew that she was moving out, and that next year I'd have to make do without her. But I didn't know that she had a job opportunity to be an RA in Hopi next week. When she told me when she was leaving, I didn't really believe her. I didn't know why it wouldn't make sense, but I didn't know why it would. I followed her into her room and Andrea was there. She had been having a bad day because her laundry got all messed up because of some stupid person who left a pen in the washing machine and killed her laundry. Paty went to her, and said that she didn't want to add ish to her already bad day, but that she was taking the job offer at Hopi and that she'd be moving out next week. Andrea started to cry. I started to cry. I know I'm not even that close with Paty ... but she is still a part of my life. She's a really good friend whenever I need her, and I try to be there for her. I guess that it was one of those times when you really do know how valauble something is when you lose it. I was able to control myself after a while, and I had to leave for work. I knew that Andrea was going to miss her a lot. I could see it in the way that she cried. In the hurt that she felt because she would be alone and she was losing a good person who is close to her heart. I really wish I could have helped her more. I really wish that this wasn't happening.
Anyway, I got in my car, and was driving to work when "you were mine" came on my CD player in my car. I was at 6th and Euclid and I completely broke down. I started thinking about all the happy things that Paty has done for me. About all the times that she was there for me when I needed to talk about Lauren or Carey or anyone else. She is important to me, she means something to me. It's hard to have that stripped away from me and to not even know that it was going to happen. It fell on me, and I cried my eyes out all the way to work on Oracle and Magee. I know I'll be ok. I mean ... she's still my friend, and she's not THAT far away. But it's hard to lose the ease and comfort that she has always brought to me. I can always go down to the basement and talk to Paty. (not that I'm not there anyway ;) ... but it's hard to lose that feeling of security. *sighs .... I'm ok now ... I've had a lot of time to think about it. I think a really wierd thing about it is also the fact that I cared way more that Paty was leaving and not that I was losing Lauren as a friend. It was wierd.
Anyway .... I hurt, and there is a tiny tiny hole in me that is throbbing. I can't stop thinking about the dinners that we had, the talks in her room about ish, the talks in my room about different ish, and all the happy things that I've shared with her. I'm going to miss that woman. With all my heart I'm going to miss her. But I think I might get together with Andrea and Mondo to throw her a going away party. It will totally ROCK! Because that's what love is all about. *smiles ..... till the morrow
- Mark