At least I got out before the implosion...
I don't know where to start. I guess the point of life is that you can never adequately capture everything; you just have to live most of it and record what you think are the most important parts. Tonight is a perfect example.
There were times when I was talking to Becky and I felt like all had been salvaged. It was SO happy that she understood finally what exactly it is about Dean that leaves you a shred of what you once were. But now, at the end of the night, whether it's due to fatigue or to the fact that I'm just not the same as I used to be, I don't feel miraculously replenished. As much as I felt belittled when *Jean* walked on eggshells with my feelings all semester, it would still be nice to hear anyone who's actually involved in the drama ask me how I feel about anything that's going on. That sounds weird, considering it's all been about me, but really, I feel like we talked a lot about Becky today. I think that the fact that I'm not completely over everything that happened made me a little uncomfortable doing that.
Then there's this whole new drama going on which presents a slew of uncanny parallels to the first. Yet Dean still cannot seem to process the logic behind it, says Becky. The situation is really interesting, because I really can't feel sorry for anyone involved. *Toby* has recently pissed me off for being so concerned about my "reconciliation" with Dean, so I can't feel bad for him. This new situation has turned Dean into a hypocrite, so I don't feel bad for him. Then there's Jean, who I kind of feel bad for being that she's the woman in the situation, and yet, because she is the Dean in this parallel scenario, I'm not ready to whip out the sympathy just yet.
I feel like I am watching a robot that I created destroy itself. I was the main victim in the first round of semi-betrayals of 2005, so I got out while I could. Now, my group of friends and its extended brother group is launching another round of self-mutilation. Toby's mad at Jean. Jean feels terrible about hurting Toby. Dean's saying terrible things to Jean when he should butt out. This is compounded by a new general sense of hypocrisy due to the parts played by some of these characters in the original drama in January.
I just can't believe what I'm watching. I used to take pride in the fact that our group shunned the traditional drama of our high school, and now look what has happened to us. We have imploded.
I wonder how *Brian* is doing. Now that our connections are so severed, I feel like we're standing on opposite sides of a really turbulent lake or something. Okay, I SO didn't mean for that to come out as pseudo-poetic as it sounded.
There were times when I was talking to Becky and I felt like all had been salvaged. It was SO happy that she understood finally what exactly it is about Dean that leaves you a shred of what you once were. But now, at the end of the night, whether it's due to fatigue or to the fact that I'm just not the same as I used to be, I don't feel miraculously replenished. As much as I felt belittled when *Jean* walked on eggshells with my feelings all semester, it would still be nice to hear anyone who's actually involved in the drama ask me how I feel about anything that's going on. That sounds weird, considering it's all been about me, but really, I feel like we talked a lot about Becky today. I think that the fact that I'm not completely over everything that happened made me a little uncomfortable doing that.
Then there's this whole new drama going on which presents a slew of uncanny parallels to the first. Yet Dean still cannot seem to process the logic behind it, says Becky. The situation is really interesting, because I really can't feel sorry for anyone involved. *Toby* has recently pissed me off for being so concerned about my "reconciliation" with Dean, so I can't feel bad for him. This new situation has turned Dean into a hypocrite, so I don't feel bad for him. Then there's Jean, who I kind of feel bad for being that she's the woman in the situation, and yet, because she is the Dean in this parallel scenario, I'm not ready to whip out the sympathy just yet.
I feel like I am watching a robot that I created destroy itself. I was the main victim in the first round of semi-betrayals of 2005, so I got out while I could. Now, my group of friends and its extended brother group is launching another round of self-mutilation. Toby's mad at Jean. Jean feels terrible about hurting Toby. Dean's saying terrible things to Jean when he should butt out. This is compounded by a new general sense of hypocrisy due to the parts played by some of these characters in the original drama in January.
I just can't believe what I'm watching. I used to take pride in the fact that our group shunned the traditional drama of our high school, and now look what has happened to us. We have imploded.
I wonder how *Brian* is doing. Now that our connections are so severed, I feel like we're standing on opposite sides of a really turbulent lake or something. Okay, I SO didn't mean for that to come out as pseudo-poetic as it sounded.