Sex Ed, Yo
"Masturbation," Arthur Hellsing began, "Is not only a normal and healthy part of growing up, it is vital to ensuring one knows one's way around his or her body and does not, in the case of males, make a name for himself as a one minute man during the actual act."
"And unlike the sodding Catholics, we don't feel bloody guilty about it, either," Arthur added, smirking. Islands frowned slightly.
"There are many methods to masturbation. One can use devices, a hand, a sock, a banana peel warmed for ten seconds over a heated burner-" then paused, clearing his throat, "But I digress... tonight we will discuss the various arts of masturbation and the reasons why one should not shove their penis between a mattress and a bedspring to get off. Leaves a right ruddy bruise, remember that one Islands? HAH!"
Then gestured towards the assortment of liquors and plastic cups laid out on the professor's desk, "Happy hour, class. But practice restraint."