you're all going to hell
You're going to Hell if you:
* Can name 10 beers but not one of the Ten Commandments. DANTE
* Think WWJD stands "What Would J.Lo Do?"
* Are a whoremonger. DANTE
* Can't stand harp music.
* Wear white after Labor Day.
* Have built a shrine to Michael Jackson, even a small one.
* Have severed heads in your freezer.
* Have occasionally asked God to damn something for you. DANTE
* Have considered selling your soul for a Mercedes convertible.
* Sometimes use the Lord's name in vain, especially when you can't find the TV remote or stub your toe in the dark. DANTE
* Have watched a movie with graphic violence, brief nudity, sexual themes or adult language. DANTE
* Use the F word more than once a day. DANTE
* Felt powerful and satisfied after squashing an insect. DANTE
* Have engaged in sexual acts for reasons other than procreation. DANTE
* Have undressed people with your eyes at family reunions. DANTE i saw that you filthy bastard i did i did
* Don't understand what's so bad about alcohol since it makes you feel so good. DANTE
* Ever fell down because you drank too much. "The Bible says, 'Thou mayest swayeth on thy feet,' " says Pinewood. DANTE
* Ever laughed at or imitated a mentally or physically handicapped person. "This is especially difficult as the rule includes midgets with big heads," says Pinewood.
* Ever had a bath or shower with someone of the opposite sex. DANTE
* Ever had a bath or shower with someone of the same sex. DANTE deny it all you want i see the truth yes
* Are a homosexual, transsexual, heterosexual or metrosexual.
* Ever rolled your eyes at the mention of Mother Teresa. DANTE
* Make a practice of stepping on sidewalk cracks. DANTE
* Belong to any organized religion. "Every religion believes the members of every other religion are going to hell," explains Pinewood. "And since you can only belong to one religion at a time, it's a Catch 22 situation."
* Covet your neighbor's wife, husband, car, house, donkey or any of their household appliances. DANTE