Things goings ons.
In the effort to try and keep this updated, keeping with the peeps I thought I should discuss more on things happening here, or least with whats been going on these last few days or so.
Lets start with the good things:
- I have a few new pieces of clothes (although expensive) I really enjoy, wish I could wear them every day but they consist of white pants so its a no brainer I would have to spill something on them, or have some marks on them instantly after buying them.
- I have a job now, signed the papers to say I'm off probation, so now they cant fire me for stupid boring lame shit like I thought they would through the process, so its a firm job, and I least find it tollerable for now.
- Looking on with a little new lease on life, wanting to travel more, meet more people and furs, so I'm pumping myself for that, least so I can feel more alive from the reclusiveness I once and still sorta am, its growing out of me slowly.
Least those are the things that are stuck to my head that make me smile and keep me through the day. Though there are always the things that lately have arisen and caused problems as well, as if there wouldn't be.
- I'm starting to become an insomniac again, unfortunately the stress of work, and friends has put me into my worrying state and left me staying up at 5 am when I start at 9 am, I'm not a WoW fan so I dont have the 3 hour sleep to work shift stamina in me, I like my 10 hour sleeps.
- I had a huge fight with someone I cared for so much, and not that this fight had any real meaning, it was just an outburst of the tiny things that added up and caught me at a bad time. To just lash out like that wasn't me, and I'm still to this day wondering what the hell happened there, confusion makes me very upset and frustrated.
- I'm still too obsessed over my past, over people in my past, from exes to people I have neglected deliberatly to ignore so they can get away from my life I look back and try to mentally bandade things over, but all I do is feel regret and saddened that this and that happened.
- I'm wondering with the people that know me, and do care about me, how much trust is in that too? A while back I was given verbal daggers and unsteady remarks meant to make me doubt and hate myself, because of an act I had no knowledge of, which is the most scariest thing to feel. Like those people that walk into a room of a victim, and then the cops show up, worse thing was, my statement that 'I didn't do this' wasn't good enough, it wasn't trusted. Never have I felt someone return with that feeling, that I couldn't be trusted, I place myself in the same risk as others to show that trust, and having to fork showing evidence like an 'allibie' as a support means.. it frightened me. So now I am wondering what really does happen behind my back, not others, I see it, everyone does, they see what happens when the person leaves the room, the bickering and backstabbing, I never come to grips as to what happens behind my back, and why do I even give a damn about it???
At the end, it all comes back to my friends, I love em, cant live without them, and even down knowing I have those people there if I wanted just a hug, or a hello, they'll reply.
Thats whats been happening so far, just exhausted after some ick things happened today so enjoying my afternoon being constructive.
Lets start with the good things:
- I have a few new pieces of clothes (although expensive) I really enjoy, wish I could wear them every day but they consist of white pants so its a no brainer I would have to spill something on them, or have some marks on them instantly after buying them.
- I have a job now, signed the papers to say I'm off probation, so now they cant fire me for stupid boring lame shit like I thought they would through the process, so its a firm job, and I least find it tollerable for now.
- Looking on with a little new lease on life, wanting to travel more, meet more people and furs, so I'm pumping myself for that, least so I can feel more alive from the reclusiveness I once and still sorta am, its growing out of me slowly.
Least those are the things that are stuck to my head that make me smile and keep me through the day. Though there are always the things that lately have arisen and caused problems as well, as if there wouldn't be.
- I'm starting to become an insomniac again, unfortunately the stress of work, and friends has put me into my worrying state and left me staying up at 5 am when I start at 9 am, I'm not a WoW fan so I dont have the 3 hour sleep to work shift stamina in me, I like my 10 hour sleeps.
- I had a huge fight with someone I cared for so much, and not that this fight had any real meaning, it was just an outburst of the tiny things that added up and caught me at a bad time. To just lash out like that wasn't me, and I'm still to this day wondering what the hell happened there, confusion makes me very upset and frustrated.
- I'm still too obsessed over my past, over people in my past, from exes to people I have neglected deliberatly to ignore so they can get away from my life I look back and try to mentally bandade things over, but all I do is feel regret and saddened that this and that happened.
- I'm wondering with the people that know me, and do care about me, how much trust is in that too? A while back I was given verbal daggers and unsteady remarks meant to make me doubt and hate myself, because of an act I had no knowledge of, which is the most scariest thing to feel. Like those people that walk into a room of a victim, and then the cops show up, worse thing was, my statement that 'I didn't do this' wasn't good enough, it wasn't trusted. Never have I felt someone return with that feeling, that I couldn't be trusted, I place myself in the same risk as others to show that trust, and having to fork showing evidence like an 'allibie' as a support means.. it frightened me. So now I am wondering what really does happen behind my back, not others, I see it, everyone does, they see what happens when the person leaves the room, the bickering and backstabbing, I never come to grips as to what happens behind my back, and why do I even give a damn about it???
At the end, it all comes back to my friends, I love em, cant live without them, and even down knowing I have those people there if I wanted just a hug, or a hello, they'll reply.
Thats whats been happening so far, just exhausted after some ick things happened today so enjoying my afternoon being constructive.