Can friendship work on your looks? if so, I love my mirror =P
Hello all, I hope everyone is having a good time. I've been alright, just trying to live around here in a normal life, been kinda weird the past few days, rollercoaster of feelings. Yesterday I met up with a few friends I have missed, mostly because they are the only friends who appreciate my honesty in being open about being gay. The rest.... well... I havn't told them and I wont, for one good reason, alot of you have friends that you feel to tell them such a huge piece of info like being homosexual they'll freak, and wont accept it. In my case its not the unacceptance I am concerned of, its my physical well-being. You all know I live in the sticks and much like 'red-neck' country its pretty much the same homophobia, the local gay bar was closed down due to too much vandalism, almost all violent attacks in the streets are directed to gay people.
Unfortunately people like those gay bashers are linked to the 'friends' I once knew in high school, so its not a problem of telling them and seeing if they'll accept it, but if they ever leak it out, well, I'll be taking a joyride in a ambulance. Anyway, I passed a few over the past few days, and wish I didnt, I dont want those people in my life no more, but of course being so Ironic they pop up in every direction. Anyway, the friends that dont mind are good about it, one even lightens the situation with some dark humour. That was a nice day, I really needed it, you spend so long in a cesspool of a place you have to call home to go out and enjoy yourself with good friends is something I rarely get to encounter.
That was the good part I guess, but things are just getting worse around here, I dont care about divulging my personal or family lifestyle because its so freaking loud here you'd think ya knew by now. Its a very violent verbally and mentally family, rarely any violence physically comes up, and usually I'm the one to be the shield, but it hasnt been too bad in that area as of late. But its still bad, so my stress levels have been quite high due to being the family bodyguard in this family, the other person I didnt talk of was my cousin who lives on the farm as well. I guess 30 years of being trash talked and abused has left him with a mind that says 'its ok to do it to others' so I'm usually the counciller in the family after fights, having to bring the family toward realism and make sure he goes off and bashes his own fucking walls in his small house.
shouldnt talk about it too much here, its a sad story and not one for a LJ more for a bar and a shitload of grog. Besides that, I feel I may have jumped off the deep end with someone I know, I think you've all done it, you meet someone and think they're the ants pants when it comes to being a friend, then you find out how wrong you really were. Well I've done this with a person I thought was a nice guy, I bragged about how great he is/was when I saw him, appearance, personality as far as I knew I thought it was going to be a nice friendship. Unfortunately tonight I found it was pretty much a hoax for something else, greed is such a hard thing to find when someone masks over it. In this case I got it after the 2nd meeting, which I guess was pretty good, found out I was used, had, whatever you wish to call it now I am embaressed cause I said how amazing this person was. I guess its life as people put false hopes into you, why not false personalities, gawd we find people with double lives, even disorders with multiple personalities, surely to fake one must be easy.
It felt dreadful, like you were some kind of insurance salesman getting flood insurance in the Sahara desert, now heres the question, what can I do now? Sure say to them I made a mistake, he is a pile of shit whos arrogance is as big as the amount of air in his head where his brain should be. But that dosent solve completely what I have done, you feel dirty, just glad I spotted it before I slipped into it any deeper. My biggest problem with human beings is their desire to show arrogance, brag, gloat, the thought of a person bringing themselves above everyone else through words, taunts and 'showing off' is just a target for a deck'em in the head. Then theres greed, I guess in some cases its human nature, to have more then the other means you have stronger offspring, or better chances of survival, but thats -survival- to have greed for the sake of having that extra dollar to push a old lady down, or to steal it from the poor poverty people through laws and slimey ways of getting that few bucks is awful beyond belief.
But why does it have to be money? it can be anything, even greed to be arrogant, two of the worst traits put together, this person wanted more from you not because they are a friend, but because they crave to be shown as 'ohh you -cant- have me cause I have another -sooo- many people wanting me' *sighs* I'm going to create the asshole bomb so we can live without people who enjoy the suffering and sap them of their dignity and reason to be kind and caring just so they can have a extra jar of caviar at home for those 'unexpecting' journalists and other 100 dollar bill burning millionaires.
I'm getting so sleepy, and my body is going into flopsy mode, as all mustlids do when overtired, look more like a slab of rubbery furry meat then living. Hopefully you all will not have to go through that or through that again and enjoy yiffing till your balls aint there no more! hehe hoo roo!
Unfortunately people like those gay bashers are linked to the 'friends' I once knew in high school, so its not a problem of telling them and seeing if they'll accept it, but if they ever leak it out, well, I'll be taking a joyride in a ambulance. Anyway, I passed a few over the past few days, and wish I didnt, I dont want those people in my life no more, but of course being so Ironic they pop up in every direction. Anyway, the friends that dont mind are good about it, one even lightens the situation with some dark humour. That was a nice day, I really needed it, you spend so long in a cesspool of a place you have to call home to go out and enjoy yourself with good friends is something I rarely get to encounter.
That was the good part I guess, but things are just getting worse around here, I dont care about divulging my personal or family lifestyle because its so freaking loud here you'd think ya knew by now. Its a very violent verbally and mentally family, rarely any violence physically comes up, and usually I'm the one to be the shield, but it hasnt been too bad in that area as of late. But its still bad, so my stress levels have been quite high due to being the family bodyguard in this family, the other person I didnt talk of was my cousin who lives on the farm as well. I guess 30 years of being trash talked and abused has left him with a mind that says 'its ok to do it to others' so I'm usually the counciller in the family after fights, having to bring the family toward realism and make sure he goes off and bashes his own fucking walls in his small house.
shouldnt talk about it too much here, its a sad story and not one for a LJ more for a bar and a shitload of grog. Besides that, I feel I may have jumped off the deep end with someone I know, I think you've all done it, you meet someone and think they're the ants pants when it comes to being a friend, then you find out how wrong you really were. Well I've done this with a person I thought was a nice guy, I bragged about how great he is/was when I saw him, appearance, personality as far as I knew I thought it was going to be a nice friendship. Unfortunately tonight I found it was pretty much a hoax for something else, greed is such a hard thing to find when someone masks over it. In this case I got it after the 2nd meeting, which I guess was pretty good, found out I was used, had, whatever you wish to call it now I am embaressed cause I said how amazing this person was. I guess its life as people put false hopes into you, why not false personalities, gawd we find people with double lives, even disorders with multiple personalities, surely to fake one must be easy.
It felt dreadful, like you were some kind of insurance salesman getting flood insurance in the Sahara desert, now heres the question, what can I do now? Sure say to them I made a mistake, he is a pile of shit whos arrogance is as big as the amount of air in his head where his brain should be. But that dosent solve completely what I have done, you feel dirty, just glad I spotted it before I slipped into it any deeper. My biggest problem with human beings is their desire to show arrogance, brag, gloat, the thought of a person bringing themselves above everyone else through words, taunts and 'showing off' is just a target for a deck'em in the head. Then theres greed, I guess in some cases its human nature, to have more then the other means you have stronger offspring, or better chances of survival, but thats -survival- to have greed for the sake of having that extra dollar to push a old lady down, or to steal it from the poor poverty people through laws and slimey ways of getting that few bucks is awful beyond belief.
But why does it have to be money? it can be anything, even greed to be arrogant, two of the worst traits put together, this person wanted more from you not because they are a friend, but because they crave to be shown as 'ohh you -cant- have me cause I have another -sooo- many people wanting me' *sighs* I'm going to create the asshole bomb so we can live without people who enjoy the suffering and sap them of their dignity and reason to be kind and caring just so they can have a extra jar of caviar at home for those 'unexpecting' journalists and other 100 dollar bill burning millionaires.
I'm getting so sleepy, and my body is going into flopsy mode, as all mustlids do when overtired, look more like a slab of rubbery furry meat then living. Hopefully you all will not have to go through that or through that again and enjoy yiffing till your balls aint there no more! hehe hoo roo!