(no subject)
I know I haven't update in weeks, and this one will be kind of random, but I think it's cool..
Spending the week at home, I was able to get away from my current life situation and take some objective looks at it. Yes, wether I like it or not, I am throughly ashamed to be working a job that barely makes my bills. I am frustrated with someone else's assistant, and sometimes feel that my education and effort aren't being used to their full potential. But mostly, it's the income. I don't mind assisting if I get decently compensated, and that's just not happening. (stupid health insurance.)
And, of course, once your start criticizing your job, then it's easy to step over into other areas of your life. Tim is one of the best boyfriends I've ever had- scratch that- he is the best boyfriend I've ever had. He is generous with complements and gifts, never complains at picking up the check and feels it almost an honor to be able to rub my feet. (Yes, friends, I'm serious.) He's kind, compassionate, Christian, and often tells me I'm beautiful- and means it. He does something I've always prayed for- he delights in me. He's also got a wonderful, wacky sense of humor that I've found in very few people. But with all these good things, I still think there's something wrong- not with him, but with me. After my last relationship, I've found it harder to trust in this relationship, even though Tim has done nothing wrong. It makes me wonder if something's wrong with me, or if there's something wrong with the relationship. This, however, is probably just mild parinoia, and to be honest, being in a stable relationship is kind of new to me. New and frightening.
Then comes all the doubts- am I doing the right thing with my life? Should I move? Where will I get the money to move? Blah, blah, blah, blah.. on it goes.. the usual quesitons at the usual times.
So, with all this doubt, I drag myself to church this morning. And the sermon was about letting God take control of your GPS... bascially.. that often we can't see what's ahead of us, but he can. And althought we often scream at him that we need to "Make a U TURN" when he knows exactly where he's sending us... even though it may not be the direction we want to go....
And then I felt better... Much better. I think I'm on the right track, and I just need to tune in to the right satelite and listen more closely to him rather than myself.