I didn't mean to ramble and rant so much....
I really need to work on my update schedule.. cause.. it is crafted whole of fail.
Life's been busy lately (then again.. when isn't it?). School's been kicking by butt this semester in a way that I'm not used to. I have determined that Econometrics is an infernal discipline that seeks to consume the soul of those who seek its secrets. I've never had a class this difficult. At least the professor is really good, but I'm struggling with the subject matter. Need to get back to it to, midterm on Wednesday.
On the other hand, I have no one else to blame but myself. I just solidified my remaining class schedule as a duel major Economics and Sociology with minors in Mathematics, Political Science, and International Business. I dropped the Business major and Marketing minor to make room for the math, and depending on how insane I am I might push that into a major. It's only 4 more classes for a BA. All this so I can get into a good graduate school. I hope that this pedigree is enough. I need to get into a school that either has a Ph.D program in socioeconomics or impress the one I go to enough to allow me to work between the disciplines. This is apparently even harder to find then it sounds. Then again, it's still two years away at least.
Speaking of deadlines coming rushing at me, I may be spending the next academic year in Taiwan at Ming Chun University. I found a program here on campus that offers it and it so far seems like the easiest bet (i.e. safest for credit transfer). And, apparently I'd be the first student from Kent to partake of it. So I'm working on getting everything set up and squared away. Damn, I mean, this is less then a year away. Sneaks up on you. Really puts things in perspective. I mean, I'll leave for China next year, then come back for a semester only to (hopefully) leaving to spend my last semester as an undergraduate in Washington DC as an intern at the World Bank. Then maybe back for a summer before I'm off to graduate school and gone for good.
It's kind of overwhelming, I have so much to do, I've gotten my passport, paperwork to fill out, finances to figure out, scheduling to do. And then, then there's all my crap. I have ALOT of crap. Most people, when they were kids, spent their money on big ticket items, or clothes, or toy. All of which can be easily ditched really. No, I spent all my money on books and have amassed a sizable library that I am loath to part with permanently. Storage is gonna be kinda expensive but that's likely where alot if it is going to go. Some parts of my stuff will be easy to fob off on people, I mean, I've had no less than 6 people offer to hold onto my rpg collection for me while I'm away, which is good. But I worry about the long term of such things. I'm going to China for a year, then to DC for a semester, then to who knows where for 5 years, and then moving again. With luck I'll never settle down proper in one place for long enough to really grow roots, I want to travel, spend a few years here, a few there. Preferably in different countries, I'm not going to want to have to look after a giant library during this time. I guess I just gotta hope I get paid enough to get a permanent place to put it all one day. But I'm not holding my breath. Not exactly the most immediate of logistical problems I know. But still... It's kind of scary.
Lots of things are scary. I'm going to be leaving all my friends behind, which is the biggest problem with this. I know that soon I'll never see some of them again, except maybe on my occasional visits back, but things will never be the same. Hell, things have changed so much over just the past few years already. Some of my friends I don't see outside of game or game related events, some of them I don't see at all anymore except through the occasional chance meeting or active attempt to get together. Hell, it's so rare that I get to just sit and hang out with my friends like we used to, so one seems interested unless there is an event to attend, and if not they'd rather live their own lives. I'm perhaps the biggest perpetrator of this, cause it's hell to get me away from my schoolwork, and when that's all done I'm to tired physically and emotionally to be of use to anyone. I'm going to miss my friends more than anything. All my life they've /been/ my life, my family, my reason for being. People for whom I'd live, fight, or die. I know how melodramatic it sounds, but that's how it's always been for me. I grew up deeply admiring the heroes of the storybooks, the Robin Hoods, the St. Georges, and the Baron Munchausens. These people were great in my young eyes and led me to seek my own adventures. And even as a kid I recognized that these great heroes were backed by their companions, by their brothers in arms, often supporting cast in the hero's story yes, but that was only because it wasn't their story being told. I determined that I had to choose my allies wisely, and then that I must be loyal to them unto whatever challenge our story required. Have I been hurt? Yes, deeply, several times. By people now long forgotten and now wordlessly forgiven. But I have also known the very heights of friendship and love, I will never forget it, and I will never jade.
Now I begin preparations for a series of journeys that will take me from all of them, and there are those that I may never see again. It's weird, though, how far I've seemed to grow from some of them. Still loyal, still friends, and still wish the world for them, but we have grown apart. I still want my story. When we were kids we dreamed of going into the world to slay the beast, save the world, and build our legends. Now we know that maidens can take up swords of their own, that the world is relativly safe from the horrors of the underworld, and all the dragons were slain long ago. But that doesn't mean their's not a great wide world out there, and stories to be had and made. This is where me and most of my friends seem to be diverging in our views, and where we grow apart. My friends seem honestly happy here, doing what they are doing. At least, happy enough. Only one other has fled off into the world to do what they want, and she is close to getting a Ph.D in stuff I will never be able to truly comprehend, living her dream. I have always admired her and still do to this day, despite so rarely getting the chance to speak with her. I don't want to have to choose, like she did, between my friends and my story. But, I will if I must. I have survived as long as I did solely because of my friends in many instances. Instances where either they helped me pull through it, or because I pulled myself through my troubles because I am one of the "strong ones" to them. One of the men that I have all at once admired most in my life and feel so distant from now once told me that it was my job to survive, and so, I became a survivor. So often I wanted to give up, or just lay down and die, but despite it all I'm still here, my reputation attests to my success. I do not want to leave my friends, I want to share the world and our adventure, but I must have my adventures. I do not look forward to my goodbyes.
Life's been busy lately (then again.. when isn't it?). School's been kicking by butt this semester in a way that I'm not used to. I have determined that Econometrics is an infernal discipline that seeks to consume the soul of those who seek its secrets. I've never had a class this difficult. At least the professor is really good, but I'm struggling with the subject matter. Need to get back to it to, midterm on Wednesday.
On the other hand, I have no one else to blame but myself. I just solidified my remaining class schedule as a duel major Economics and Sociology with minors in Mathematics, Political Science, and International Business. I dropped the Business major and Marketing minor to make room for the math, and depending on how insane I am I might push that into a major. It's only 4 more classes for a BA. All this so I can get into a good graduate school. I hope that this pedigree is enough. I need to get into a school that either has a Ph.D program in socioeconomics or impress the one I go to enough to allow me to work between the disciplines. This is apparently even harder to find then it sounds. Then again, it's still two years away at least.
Speaking of deadlines coming rushing at me, I may be spending the next academic year in Taiwan at Ming Chun University. I found a program here on campus that offers it and it so far seems like the easiest bet (i.e. safest for credit transfer). And, apparently I'd be the first student from Kent to partake of it. So I'm working on getting everything set up and squared away. Damn, I mean, this is less then a year away. Sneaks up on you. Really puts things in perspective. I mean, I'll leave for China next year, then come back for a semester only to (hopefully) leaving to spend my last semester as an undergraduate in Washington DC as an intern at the World Bank. Then maybe back for a summer before I'm off to graduate school and gone for good.
It's kind of overwhelming, I have so much to do, I've gotten my passport, paperwork to fill out, finances to figure out, scheduling to do. And then, then there's all my crap. I have ALOT of crap. Most people, when they were kids, spent their money on big ticket items, or clothes, or toy. All of which can be easily ditched really. No, I spent all my money on books and have amassed a sizable library that I am loath to part with permanently. Storage is gonna be kinda expensive but that's likely where alot if it is going to go. Some parts of my stuff will be easy to fob off on people, I mean, I've had no less than 6 people offer to hold onto my rpg collection for me while I'm away, which is good. But I worry about the long term of such things. I'm going to China for a year, then to DC for a semester, then to who knows where for 5 years, and then moving again. With luck I'll never settle down proper in one place for long enough to really grow roots, I want to travel, spend a few years here, a few there. Preferably in different countries, I'm not going to want to have to look after a giant library during this time. I guess I just gotta hope I get paid enough to get a permanent place to put it all one day. But I'm not holding my breath. Not exactly the most immediate of logistical problems I know. But still... It's kind of scary.
Lots of things are scary. I'm going to be leaving all my friends behind, which is the biggest problem with this. I know that soon I'll never see some of them again, except maybe on my occasional visits back, but things will never be the same. Hell, things have changed so much over just the past few years already. Some of my friends I don't see outside of game or game related events, some of them I don't see at all anymore except through the occasional chance meeting or active attempt to get together. Hell, it's so rare that I get to just sit and hang out with my friends like we used to, so one seems interested unless there is an event to attend, and if not they'd rather live their own lives. I'm perhaps the biggest perpetrator of this, cause it's hell to get me away from my schoolwork, and when that's all done I'm to tired physically and emotionally to be of use to anyone. I'm going to miss my friends more than anything. All my life they've /been/ my life, my family, my reason for being. People for whom I'd live, fight, or die. I know how melodramatic it sounds, but that's how it's always been for me. I grew up deeply admiring the heroes of the storybooks, the Robin Hoods, the St. Georges, and the Baron Munchausens. These people were great in my young eyes and led me to seek my own adventures. And even as a kid I recognized that these great heroes were backed by their companions, by their brothers in arms, often supporting cast in the hero's story yes, but that was only because it wasn't their story being told. I determined that I had to choose my allies wisely, and then that I must be loyal to them unto whatever challenge our story required. Have I been hurt? Yes, deeply, several times. By people now long forgotten and now wordlessly forgiven. But I have also known the very heights of friendship and love, I will never forget it, and I will never jade.
Now I begin preparations for a series of journeys that will take me from all of them, and there are those that I may never see again. It's weird, though, how far I've seemed to grow from some of them. Still loyal, still friends, and still wish the world for them, but we have grown apart. I still want my story. When we were kids we dreamed of going into the world to slay the beast, save the world, and build our legends. Now we know that maidens can take up swords of their own, that the world is relativly safe from the horrors of the underworld, and all the dragons were slain long ago. But that doesn't mean their's not a great wide world out there, and stories to be had and made. This is where me and most of my friends seem to be diverging in our views, and where we grow apart. My friends seem honestly happy here, doing what they are doing. At least, happy enough. Only one other has fled off into the world to do what they want, and she is close to getting a Ph.D in stuff I will never be able to truly comprehend, living her dream. I have always admired her and still do to this day, despite so rarely getting the chance to speak with her. I don't want to have to choose, like she did, between my friends and my story. But, I will if I must. I have survived as long as I did solely because of my friends in many instances. Instances where either they helped me pull through it, or because I pulled myself through my troubles because I am one of the "strong ones" to them. One of the men that I have all at once admired most in my life and feel so distant from now once told me that it was my job to survive, and so, I became a survivor. So often I wanted to give up, or just lay down and die, but despite it all I'm still here, my reputation attests to my success. I do not want to leave my friends, I want to share the world and our adventure, but I must have my adventures. I do not look forward to my goodbyes.