Fic: It's Your Fault (Tragic Waste of Skin 5)
Title: It's Your Fault (Tragic Waste of Skin 5)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: N/A
Genre: AU, Angst, Romance
Warning: Suicidal feelings; suicidal ideation; suicidal actions; substance abuse; self-harm; emotional abuse; mention of suicide attempt; mental illness
Summary: Jaejoong and his family issues before meeting Yoochun.
“Why can’t you just be normal?!”
The stars are dancing. Those beautiful glittering lights float above you and around you, and they sway from side to side, performing a captivating dance. Leaning back on the windshield of your beat-up car, you sway along with them. If you reach out, you could almost touch them.
“I wish you were dead!”
The stars dim, leaving you in near darkness. You take a swig from the bottle you’ve been hugging all night and there they are, back to their shiny selves.
“That’s right, leave, and don’t come back!”
You close your eyes and wave your hands, trying to erase the memories, the words thrown at you only a few hours ago. You don’t want to think, you want your brain to carry you to those fantastic worlds it used to, but no, you were put on medication after the last trip to the hospital. Now, you must wait for all the chemicals to leave your body before you’re fully happy again.
“You’re so fucking useless.”
You wince. Useless. Stupid. A lost cause. Freak. How many words do they throw at you every day? Especially after you swallowed those pills and had to get your stomach pumped. The memory of waking up at the hospital with those machines connected to your body makes you laugh out loud. At the same time, it sobers you up.
The stars return to the sky. They don’t love you anymore.
You sigh and take another swig of whatever alcohol you got your hands on this time. So far, you’ve drunk enough you should be unconscious, but your mind won’t leave you alone. Their voices seem to live in your head, echoing their hatred over and over again.
“I wish you were dead.”
I wish you were dead, too, you think back.
“Dad should have left you to die!”
I wish he had. Selfish asshole, manipulating your biological mother into bringing you into this shitty world only to throw you to the wolves.
“Mom shouldn’t have to deal with you,” one of the others said this afternoon. “You are so fucking selfish. Mom is the one who has to face our family, your school, our neighbors. If you cared, you would stop being so shameless.”
Family, the neighbors. Oh, what will they say? That she’s a bad mother, that she doesn’t take care of you. That her son is an attention-seeking diva who keeps trying to kill himself because he has nothing better to do.
The stars have lost their luster. You want to sleep, but you’re too lucid (drunkenness and all) to simply go to sleep in the car. What if the police showed up? Or some insane murderer? (That wouldn’t be so bad.) Going home is out of the question, though.
You sigh, willing the stars to come back down.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: N/A
Genre: AU, Angst, Romance
Warning: Suicidal feelings; suicidal ideation; suicidal actions; substance abuse; self-harm; emotional abuse; mention of suicide attempt; mental illness
Summary: Jaejoong and his family issues before meeting Yoochun.
“Why can’t you just be normal?!”
The stars are dancing. Those beautiful glittering lights float above you and around you, and they sway from side to side, performing a captivating dance. Leaning back on the windshield of your beat-up car, you sway along with them. If you reach out, you could almost touch them.
“I wish you were dead!”
The stars dim, leaving you in near darkness. You take a swig from the bottle you’ve been hugging all night and there they are, back to their shiny selves.
“That’s right, leave, and don’t come back!”
You close your eyes and wave your hands, trying to erase the memories, the words thrown at you only a few hours ago. You don’t want to think, you want your brain to carry you to those fantastic worlds it used to, but no, you were put on medication after the last trip to the hospital. Now, you must wait for all the chemicals to leave your body before you’re fully happy again.
“You’re so fucking useless.”
You wince. Useless. Stupid. A lost cause. Freak. How many words do they throw at you every day? Especially after you swallowed those pills and had to get your stomach pumped. The memory of waking up at the hospital with those machines connected to your body makes you laugh out loud. At the same time, it sobers you up.
The stars return to the sky. They don’t love you anymore.
You sigh and take another swig of whatever alcohol you got your hands on this time. So far, you’ve drunk enough you should be unconscious, but your mind won’t leave you alone. Their voices seem to live in your head, echoing their hatred over and over again.
“I wish you were dead.”
I wish you were dead, too, you think back.
“Dad should have left you to die!”
I wish he had. Selfish asshole, manipulating your biological mother into bringing you into this shitty world only to throw you to the wolves.
“Mom shouldn’t have to deal with you,” one of the others said this afternoon. “You are so fucking selfish. Mom is the one who has to face our family, your school, our neighbors. If you cared, you would stop being so shameless.”
Family, the neighbors. Oh, what will they say? That she’s a bad mother, that she doesn’t take care of you. That her son is an attention-seeking diva who keeps trying to kill himself because he has nothing better to do.
The stars have lost their luster. You want to sleep, but you’re too lucid (drunkenness and all) to simply go to sleep in the car. What if the police showed up? Or some insane murderer? (That wouldn’t be so bad.) Going home is out of the question, though.
You sigh, willing the stars to come back down.