Fic: Slipping Away (Tragic Waste of Skin 1)
Title: Slipping Away (Tragic Waste of Skin 1)
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: JaeChun (main)
Genre: AU, Angst, Romance
Warning: Suicidal feelings; suicidal ideation; suicidal actions; substance abuse; self-harm
Summary: What goes on in Jaejoong's life when he isn't with Yoochun? What goes on through his mind?
N/A: Short one-shots from Jaejoong's point of view that take place in the Sleeping with Ghosts timeline.
N/A2: Title from A Song to Say Goodbye by Placebo.
N/A3: Spoilers for Sleeping with Ghosts. It should be read before the one-shots.
Jongwoon drives in silence. Every once in a while, he glances at your wrists. Even though he can't see the bandages around them, you still pull your long sleeves further down.
"Thanks for doing this," you say after a while. The sense of euphoria you felt all month is entirely gone; now you feel like an empty shell. Hollow. Lifeless. Yet you keep your eyes open and look forward. After all, this empty shell needs to do one more thing before it can allow itself to be pulled in by the current.
The car stops. You don't want to look at the house you have visited so many times before; you don't want to look at it and know that it may very well be the last time you see it.
Jongwoon looks at you, waiting, before letting out an impatient sigh.
"You don't really want to do this, do you?" he asks for the twentieth time. You don't want to answer. "Can't he come along with us? You were going to get a place together anyway, right? Just tell him to pack up his stuff and we'll wait for him-"
"No!" you stop him (your voice is little more than a whisper). "He has a future here, things he can't do if he comes with me. His parents are sending him to university."
"Which he doesn't even want!" Jongwoon knows this well-you've complained about it several times. "Just ask him to come with us. The worst that can happen is he says no."
That's what I'm afraid of, you think. You won't be able to take it if he says no. Taking a deep breath, you step out of the car and stare at the dark, silent home. Your lover's window is dark. Is he asleep? Has he been able to sleep since you… disappeared? You look down at the bandages around your wrists.
He'll never know about these, you think, strengthening your resolve.
That thought in mind, you go up to that window you have knocked on so many times, usually to go to the beach-the place you love the most-with Yoochun-the person you love most.
I probably look like shit, you realize. It doesn't matter, though. He'll be happy to see you, and maybe he'll be sad after you're gone, but he'll get over it, and though the thought of him forgetting you hurts like hell, you know it's the right thing to do. It is.
It has to be.
When it's finally over-after you say goodbye and he looks at you, dark eyes filled with grief and desperation; after you kiss him, one last kiss you hope you'll never forget-you hurry over to the car, too afraid you'll look back and change your mind.
"Go!" you tell Jongwoon. The older teenager lets out another impatient sigh but drives away. He says nothing while you break down in tears that are sad, angry, resentful, painful, and more.
It was the right thing to do, you tell yourself, over and over, even though the tears won't stop flowing.
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: JaeChun (main)
Genre: AU, Angst, Romance
Warning: Suicidal feelings; suicidal ideation; suicidal actions; substance abuse; self-harm
Summary: What goes on in Jaejoong's life when he isn't with Yoochun? What goes on through his mind?
N/A: Short one-shots from Jaejoong's point of view that take place in the Sleeping with Ghosts timeline.
N/A2: Title from A Song to Say Goodbye by Placebo.
N/A3: Spoilers for Sleeping with Ghosts. It should be read before the one-shots.
Jongwoon drives in silence. Every once in a while, he glances at your wrists. Even though he can't see the bandages around them, you still pull your long sleeves further down.
"Thanks for doing this," you say after a while. The sense of euphoria you felt all month is entirely gone; now you feel like an empty shell. Hollow. Lifeless. Yet you keep your eyes open and look forward. After all, this empty shell needs to do one more thing before it can allow itself to be pulled in by the current.
The car stops. You don't want to look at the house you have visited so many times before; you don't want to look at it and know that it may very well be the last time you see it.
Jongwoon looks at you, waiting, before letting out an impatient sigh.
"You don't really want to do this, do you?" he asks for the twentieth time. You don't want to answer. "Can't he come along with us? You were going to get a place together anyway, right? Just tell him to pack up his stuff and we'll wait for him-"
"No!" you stop him (your voice is little more than a whisper). "He has a future here, things he can't do if he comes with me. His parents are sending him to university."
"Which he doesn't even want!" Jongwoon knows this well-you've complained about it several times. "Just ask him to come with us. The worst that can happen is he says no."
That's what I'm afraid of, you think. You won't be able to take it if he says no. Taking a deep breath, you step out of the car and stare at the dark, silent home. Your lover's window is dark. Is he asleep? Has he been able to sleep since you… disappeared? You look down at the bandages around your wrists.
He'll never know about these, you think, strengthening your resolve.
That thought in mind, you go up to that window you have knocked on so many times, usually to go to the beach-the place you love the most-with Yoochun-the person you love most.
I probably look like shit, you realize. It doesn't matter, though. He'll be happy to see you, and maybe he'll be sad after you're gone, but he'll get over it, and though the thought of him forgetting you hurts like hell, you know it's the right thing to do. It is.
It has to be.
When it's finally over-after you say goodbye and he looks at you, dark eyes filled with grief and desperation; after you kiss him, one last kiss you hope you'll never forget-you hurry over to the car, too afraid you'll look back and change your mind.
"Go!" you tell Jongwoon. The older teenager lets out another impatient sigh but drives away. He says nothing while you break down in tears that are sad, angry, resentful, painful, and more.
It was the right thing to do, you tell yourself, over and over, even though the tears won't stop flowing.