Fic: Sleeping With Ghosts 24/?
Title: Sleeping With Ghosts 24/?
Author: Milena Pandora/milena_1980
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: JaeChun (main), YooSu, YooMin, JaeHo, HoMin, HyukSu
Genre: AU, Angst, Romance
Warning: Suicidal feelings; suicidal ideation; references to substance abuse; self-harm
Trigger Warning: Self-harm & Suicidal actions
Summary: Soulmates never die
A/N: A series of connected drabbles/ficlets. Not always in chronological order. Title from Sleeping With Ghosts by Placebo.
A/N2: Written in second person point-of-view.
Title: Sing
"No more secrets."
The door closes, and you wake up with a start. It takes you nearly a minute to get your bearings. You're in your living room, lying uncomfortably on the sofa, a magazine open face down on your chest. A glance at the wall clock reveals that it's nearly ten at night.
"Yoochun? Are you sleeping?"
His steps come closer all the way from the front door. He's smiling widely, a shopping bag in one hand. No one would believe that, just days ago, he was lying in bed, too weak (or unwilling?) to get up and act like a regular human being. A few days ago, he snapped out of it. Now, he's smiling again, moving around the house, talking to you.
"Where were you?" you ask right away, sitting up. When you came home from work, you only found a piece of paper taped to a wall that read, "Gone shopping with Junsu. Call cell phone if you need me!" and just below that, the drawing of a heart pierced through with an arrow. He used to draw that sometimes, back when you were in high school. Freak.
"I believe I left a note," he says, sounding pleased with himself. His playful grin catches you by surprise. "What? Missed me?"
You roll your eyes at that.
"You wish," you tease back. Jaejoong just smirks, sitting next to you. It's then that you notice the shopping bag in his hand. "What did you buy?"
"Some stuff." He shrugs, as though it doesn't matter. "A couple of shirts, jeans. You know, regular stuff."
What he doesn't seem to realize is that you are neither stupid nor misinformed. The name on the bag is no ordinary brand.
"That looks like more than just 'stuff,'" you reply, keeping your tone steady. "A couple of shirts in that store… Well, I've never shopped there. I need to eat."
That gets his attention. Your lover narrows his eyes at you, lazily studying your body language.
"What's with you?" he asks, standing up. "I thought you wanted me to go out, to be normal like you, and Junsu, and everyone in this freaking city. I'm doing that, aren't I?"
You haven't seen him so angry in a long time. He goes from happy to sad, maybe numb sometimes, but never ever angry. He's right, you realize, but you never asked him to lie to you. You take a deep breath before speaking again.
"Where did that money come from?" you ask the question he keeps evading. "One day you're practically penniless, the next you're buying me expensive suits and shopping in brand stores. Did you think I wouldn't notice?"
"I don't know. Maybe," he says, casually. The words hurt, just like he means them to. "It's not like I haven't done this before."
"You were sick before!" you remind him, looking up at him. "Hyung, you promised me. No more secrets. No more leaving me behind."
To your surprise, he sighs impatiently and sits down again.
"Someone owed me money," he explains. "I had to go down to a club to get it, and I didn't want you to find out." For heaven's sake, of all the stupid…
"That's all?" You sigh, closing your eyes (relief washing over you as every little fear disintegrates into nothing). He shrugs.
"That's all." He leans back on the sofa, shifting like a child does when bored and unable to do anything about it. "Don't worry, I haven't spent it all. We can use the rest for groceries or whatever."
Oh, that is a relief. Paying for the apartment and other necessities, plus his nurse, has been an issue. You don't spend much on him, but you earn just enough for the two of you. He hasn't talked about going back to work, even though the doctor has said that he should be able to do so soon (you have decided not to say anything, yet).
Jaejoong exhales impatiently and gets up, going straight for the stereo. He turns the radio on, smiling as he recognizes the theme song of some drama he watches sometimes. You watch him, forever reminded of the child he used to be and the innocent insanity that ruled his life.
"Dance with me," he says, reaching out to you, a little smirk on his lips. You feel tired and stressed; the last thing you want is to dance to some romantic song. However, something about him calls to you; you stand, reach out, and allow him to pull you into his world.
Title: Obey
"Yoochunnie, Yoochunnie, look at this!"
You immediately stop work (you brought it home to make sure Jaejoong wouldn't be alone after the nurse left) and go over to the living room, where Jaejoong is standing in front of the television set, eyes wide.
"What is it?"
"Isn't that the actress you were in love with back in school?" he says, pointing at the screen. Indeed, one of the most beautiful women you've ever seen is being interviewed. She looks older, elegant, and mature, unlike the young adult who played rather childish parts. Oh, how Jaejoong hated her. "She's such a moron," he would say, rolling his eyes at her sight (and yet, he never left you alone in the living room, suffering through your nearly obsessive fascination with her and her dramas).
"Yeah." You feel your cheeks redden a little. Back when you’d gotten together, admiring other people, even celebrities, had been a sore issue. Your boyfriend was childish and jealous-well, was isn't exactly right, not when you consider how he looks at Junsu whenever he's around you-and absolutely ridiculous.
Jaejoong laughs at your reaction, moving to slide his arm around your shoulders.
"You were so in love with her," he teases, lowering his tone. "I hated her guts." You snort.
"Like that was so hard to figure out." You don't know why, but your reply makes him happy, and, before you know it, he has nearly jumped on you, making you lose your balance and fall on the sofa. He laughs out loud; it's infectious, and you join him, reveling in the sight of him enjoying himself for once.
You don't expect it when he kisses you deeply, leaving you breathless. It takes a while for you to get your bearings; you look directly into his eyes, at once recognizing that mischievous glint you've known for so long.
He kisses you again, shifting until your bodies are better aligned. When he meets your gaze again, you're almost sure of what he will say.
"Do you want to?" He smirks as he grabs you through your shorts, eliciting a yelp that quickly morphs into a moan. It has been so long since you were last together, you're afraid you'll come from this alone.
"Do you?" His grin is all the answer you need.
Title: Doze
"You haven't seen him, either?"
"What do you mean 'either'?"
You hate your boss, but you keep quiet. You need this job; you need to make up for the savings you spent on getting your lover back. Therefore, you don't complain when he informs you that you must stay back until late to complete a project you and your colleagues have been working on for weeks. The calendar clearly states that you have a week left to finish, but no, the client needs it now, and the client is always, always right.
"Work comes first," Jaejoong says when you call him to let him know. He sounds regretful (you feel terrible that his sadness makes you happy) but is quick to hang up when your colleagues call you back.
It's almost midnight when you finally get home, craving nothing but a hot shower and your bed. The apartment is quiet, the only light coming from down the hall. Jaejoong probably left it on for you before he went to bed. He does that sometimes.
You choose not to turn on the bedroom light-what if he wakes up? He needs his sleep-quickly grabbing shorts and a t-shirt. Once you look at the bed, however, you realize there's something wrong: your lover isn't in it.
Heart beating madly, you look all over the apartment, coming up with nothing.
"Okay, calm down," you tell yourself, breathing in and out. Through the rising panic, you remember to call his cell phone. It sends you straight to voicemail. Six times. Fuck.
Think, don’t panic, you tell yourself. Where would he go so late at night? Wait, your friends, right, maybe he's upstairs with Junsu. Jealous or not, Jaejoong has become attached to him, treating Junsu like the brother he never had. Surely, Junsu must know where he is.
"If this isn't life or death, I will strangle you," Junsu answers the phone after a while.
"You were sleeping?" You realize right away, panic beginning to set in once again. You hear your friend sigh.
"Obviously." Not that you care right now. "What is it? Did something happen?"
Fuck, yes, something did happen.
"He's gone!" You manage to grit out. "It's freaking midnight and he isn't home."
"Fuck," Junsu echoes your thoughts. "Did you call his cell phone?" No, you will not insult him; you need his help. "How about Yunho? Have you called him? Maybe he knows."
"I was calling him next in case you didn't know," you admit, calming down somewhat. "I better do it now."
"Call me as soon as you find out something," he nearly orders you. You grunt in assent, hanging up and going to your next and only option.
"Hello?" Yunho sounds wide awake. He has trouble sleeping sometimes ("I got used to it. Those late nights waiting for him," he explained when you asked), so you aren’t surprised.
"Hey, sorry to call so late."
"No problem. What is it?"
You take a deep breath, willing your voice to come out.
"Is there any chance Jaejoong is at your place?"
He pauses.
"No," he answers, his tone leaving no space for question.
"Oh, God," you mutter, beginning to get desperate. "So, you haven't seen him, either?"
"What do you mean 'either'?" he raises his voice, startling you.
"I just got home from work. He isn’t here, there's no note." Those words must be enough to convey your feelings.
"Maybe he went out to the drugstore," Yunho suggests, out of the blue. "Maybe you ran out of something." He exhales. "Let's not jump to conclusions, okay?"
You walk into the living room and sit down on the sofa, closing your eyes and breathing in and out.
"It's hard not to," you tell him, finally sounding something resembling calm.
"I know," Yunho replies. If anyone can understand, it's Yunho. Only he knows Jaejoong as well, or better, than you do (a fact that still grates on your nerves).
A few seconds pass, when you hear the sound of the front door open, and the jingle of your lover's keys. Your heartbeat accelerates, charged with a myriad of feelings you can't tell apart right now. Yet, there he is, walking into the apartment, a shopping bag from the drugstore in his hand, completely unaware that, while he calmly went about his life, you felt like you were going to die.
"Hey," he says, smiling at your sight. "I ran out of cigarettes, and then I remembered a few other things-Yoochun? What-?"
You don't let him finish, closing the space between you and holding him tightly in your arms.
Title: Forget
"Did you have dinner?" You shake your head, staring down at your knees. It's three in the morning, your clothes are drenched, and you're feeling terribly guilty. The couple around you doesn't seem to mind, though, offering tea, a towel, and much-needed company.
"What do you think he's doing?" you ask, softly. Yunho sighs, sitting across from you at the small kitchen table.
"I don't know," he answers as best he can. "Did you go to that coffee shop he likes?"
"Yeah." The drugstore and the coffee shop were your first bets before you finally decided to call anyone. Jaejoong never goes out, you don't know if he has friends-you don't know anything about him! How is that possible, after living together for so long? You sigh. "I should go back. Maybe he's already back home."
"I thought he was done with this kind of behavior," Changmin says, barely masking his anger. "I thought you were going to be honest with each other."
"I thought so, too," you agree. "But things happen. I'm sure he has a good reason."
"Then why won't he answer his cell phone?" You want to ignore your former life partner, but he's right (and you hate him for it). "No one disappears like this out of nowhere, not unless he's back to his old ways."
"He isn't!" You glare at him, beginning to get worked up. "He takes his medication, and he has been better lately. And, more importantly, he promised me!"
Angry tears slip down your face, but you wipe at them quickly. You refuse to listen to Changmin. He’s wrong, he must be! So what if Jaejoong has been happy again, turning on the radio and singing like he used to so long ago? So what if that familiar, childish glint in his eye has come back? It doesn't mean anything, because he is taking his medication, period.
Changmin sighs impatiently.
"Fine," he finally agrees. "You should stay here, though."
"What?" You don't feel comfortable invading their home.
"You shouldn't be alone," Yunho seems to agree with him. "We'll get the sofa ready."
You end up agreeing. You're so tired, exhausted, really. This is the third time you've come home to find him gone. How much more can your heart take before it finally breaks again?
"Sorry about this," you apologize to your friends. Changmin shakes his head, staying with you until you fall asleep.
Title: Remember
"I can't believe you! Do you know how worried he was?"
"It wasn't on purpose!" An impatient sigh follows. "This will be good for us. I need a job-"
"Not there, you don't! All that easy money comes with a price."
A huff and silence, a clear indication that the second speaker has no intention of continuing the conversation.
"Where is he?" he asks.
"Living room."
You hear soft footsteps, and then warm fingers brush your bangs off your forehead.
"Yoochun." His voice makes you smile immediately. It did when you were sixteen, it probably will until the day you die. "Wake up. Let's go home."
You open your eyes; they close again, but his voice urges you awake. Finally, you win the fight, finding yourself face to face with the most beautiful man you’ve ever met.
"You didn't come home," you accuse him immediately. He smiles gently.
"I'm sorry about that," he says, but he doesn't sound half as contrite as you think he should. You were so worried you thought you would die. Where in the world was he? "Let's talk about this at home, okay?"
You nod, allowing him to help you up. Yunho's in the room with you, but he looks angry. You want to ask what happened, but something tells you neither men will be forthcoming.
"Sorry about all this," you apologize. "And Changmin, too. I owe you."
Yunho shrugs.
"It's all right. You're not the one who should owe us, anyway," he adds, throwing a cold glare Jaejoong's way. Jaejoong shrugs it off, tugging you toward the door instead.
"See you soon," you say.
"I hope so," Yunho says, grimly.
Title: Attention
"Hey!" you protest as a report is snatched out of your hands. Not a second later, you find yourself with a lapful of Jaejoong, full lips curved in a sexy and mischievous smile. "I need to work."
"You need to pay attention to me," he replies, mock pouting. "Can't you spare twenty minutes? Ten?"
Your back aches, you're stressed. And, well, sex with Jaejoong is sounding more and more like the perfect solution to all your troubles. Not that it never fixes things, because it does. You love his body, the things only he can do to you, taking advantage of his every weakness… you could go on and on.
He doesn't let you get out of the chair, pulling your shirt off, lips on your throat right away. You moan, but you don't let him have all the fun: taking advantage of his distraction, you reach down to slip your hand under the waistband of his boxers. You're filled with satisfaction when he moans; he starts pushing his hips forward, looking for more friction, so you give it to him, slipping his underwear down and taking control.
"Oh, god," he moans, lips on your throat. "Don't stop."
"I won't," you promise, doubling your efforts. He cries out, and then his body goes taut, wetness seeping into your t-shirt as he trembles in your arms.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he mutters against your skin. "Bed, now!"
Somehow, he manages to get off you and pulls you along to the bedroom. He sits down on the bed and allows you to pull off his boxers, before helping you get rid of your own clothes. You need no other invitation to jump on him and cover his body, kissing his lips, his neck, every part of his body you can reach. Jaejoong doesn't stay still, until you're almost wrestling for dominance-even though he has already decided what he wants, and you are not at all inclined to deny him-and finally pin him down.
"Here," he urges, handing you the lube. It takes nothing to get him ready. He bites his lower lip to keep from crying out, but you can tell that he's so into your lovemaking he could easily forget himself. A part of you wants him to let go, to utter every cry, every moan (the neighbors wouldn't appreciate it, though; they already look at you funny for living together).
Suddenly, he reaches out to bring you close enough to kiss you hard. It forces him into a rather uncomfortable position, but he doesn't seem to care. He keeps you close, until he reaches climax; his body relaxes, and he looks up at you, watching you, until you follow.
His body is warm and perfect, his arms wrapping around you immediately.
"Sleep," he urges, surely hoping this moment of relaxation lasts just a bit longer.
"But, work…"
"Later." His tone leaves no room for discussion. Oh, why not? You haven't had this in so long, and you deserve a few hours of rest.
He sighs, allowing you space to get comfortable before wrapping himself around you again. Even as you start falling asleep, you hear his voice.
"Don't listen to them," he says, so softly it’s almost inaudible. "No matter what, I am never leaving you again."
Title: Amazing
"The stars are brighter than usual tonight, aren't they?" he asks dreamily, turning around and around in circles while looking up at the night sky. You want to tell him to stop-not only has he been drinking heavily tonight, he also ate snacks like you were going to run out-but he looks too beautiful out there, lost in his special little world.
"Yeah," you agree, without even bothering to look up at the sky. Who cares about the sky and the stars? They will always be there. This moment, however, will happen now and only now, and then it will be over; you will have nothing but a memory. It is such a sad reality. Someday this will all be over, no more trips to the beach, no more being together in his old car. Yes, the future will be even better: you will be together until the end of time. Yet, this moment, it will be gone, gone, gone, every second, minute, hour you sit here…
"I wanted to be an astronaut once!" he says out of nowhere. You look at him, and there he is, still going 'round and 'round, though he slows his pace. "The best part? No people up there! But there are aliens! I've seen aliens, have you ever seen aliens?"
Of course you haven't, and you're sure he hasn't, either.
"No," you answer, your mood lighting up somewhat. "Are they ugly like in the movies?" He snorts, finally stops moving, but is now unsteady on his feet, knees buckling.
"No, they are beautiful," he answers with a smile. "Like the stars."
"That's boring," you say, if only to make him pout. Ah, there it is, the first sign of annoyance.
"No, it isn't!" He has that look of determination that signals you won't win the argument. After all, he has seen the aliens; you have not. "They are tall," he goes on, dreamy-eyed. "And bright, like angels."
You want to tell him that aliens don't exist, that he probably dreamed it all up, but he looks so happy. All happy and innocent, though you suspect he is not. But, in the end, what is innocence? Purity? Of what? Of mind, heart, body? No, it's something more than that, but you don't know what. You don't know anything.
"There's nothing more beautiful," he says, dreamily.
"What?" What were you talking about? Besides, what is more beautiful than Jaejoong himself?
He laughs, coming up to you. He kneels, wearing that happy, innocent smile of his, and pushes you down to lie on the sand. Then he lies beside you, holding your hand, intertwining your fingers.
"Isn't it beautiful?" he asks. What is? The sky? The world? This special place you can almost call home?
"Yeah. Beautiful."
Author: Milena Pandora/milena_1980
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: JaeChun (main), YooSu, YooMin, JaeHo, HoMin, HyukSu
Genre: AU, Angst, Romance
Warning: Suicidal feelings; suicidal ideation; references to substance abuse; self-harm
Trigger Warning: Self-harm & Suicidal actions
Summary: Soulmates never die
A/N: A series of connected drabbles/ficlets. Not always in chronological order. Title from Sleeping With Ghosts by Placebo.
A/N2: Written in second person point-of-view.
Title: Sing
"No more secrets."
The door closes, and you wake up with a start. It takes you nearly a minute to get your bearings. You're in your living room, lying uncomfortably on the sofa, a magazine open face down on your chest. A glance at the wall clock reveals that it's nearly ten at night.
"Yoochun? Are you sleeping?"
His steps come closer all the way from the front door. He's smiling widely, a shopping bag in one hand. No one would believe that, just days ago, he was lying in bed, too weak (or unwilling?) to get up and act like a regular human being. A few days ago, he snapped out of it. Now, he's smiling again, moving around the house, talking to you.
"Where were you?" you ask right away, sitting up. When you came home from work, you only found a piece of paper taped to a wall that read, "Gone shopping with Junsu. Call cell phone if you need me!" and just below that, the drawing of a heart pierced through with an arrow. He used to draw that sometimes, back when you were in high school. Freak.
"I believe I left a note," he says, sounding pleased with himself. His playful grin catches you by surprise. "What? Missed me?"
You roll your eyes at that.
"You wish," you tease back. Jaejoong just smirks, sitting next to you. It's then that you notice the shopping bag in his hand. "What did you buy?"
"Some stuff." He shrugs, as though it doesn't matter. "A couple of shirts, jeans. You know, regular stuff."
What he doesn't seem to realize is that you are neither stupid nor misinformed. The name on the bag is no ordinary brand.
"That looks like more than just 'stuff,'" you reply, keeping your tone steady. "A couple of shirts in that store… Well, I've never shopped there. I need to eat."
That gets his attention. Your lover narrows his eyes at you, lazily studying your body language.
"What's with you?" he asks, standing up. "I thought you wanted me to go out, to be normal like you, and Junsu, and everyone in this freaking city. I'm doing that, aren't I?"
You haven't seen him so angry in a long time. He goes from happy to sad, maybe numb sometimes, but never ever angry. He's right, you realize, but you never asked him to lie to you. You take a deep breath before speaking again.
"Where did that money come from?" you ask the question he keeps evading. "One day you're practically penniless, the next you're buying me expensive suits and shopping in brand stores. Did you think I wouldn't notice?"
"I don't know. Maybe," he says, casually. The words hurt, just like he means them to. "It's not like I haven't done this before."
"You were sick before!" you remind him, looking up at him. "Hyung, you promised me. No more secrets. No more leaving me behind."
To your surprise, he sighs impatiently and sits down again.
"Someone owed me money," he explains. "I had to go down to a club to get it, and I didn't want you to find out." For heaven's sake, of all the stupid…
"That's all?" You sigh, closing your eyes (relief washing over you as every little fear disintegrates into nothing). He shrugs.
"That's all." He leans back on the sofa, shifting like a child does when bored and unable to do anything about it. "Don't worry, I haven't spent it all. We can use the rest for groceries or whatever."
Oh, that is a relief. Paying for the apartment and other necessities, plus his nurse, has been an issue. You don't spend much on him, but you earn just enough for the two of you. He hasn't talked about going back to work, even though the doctor has said that he should be able to do so soon (you have decided not to say anything, yet).
Jaejoong exhales impatiently and gets up, going straight for the stereo. He turns the radio on, smiling as he recognizes the theme song of some drama he watches sometimes. You watch him, forever reminded of the child he used to be and the innocent insanity that ruled his life.
"Dance with me," he says, reaching out to you, a little smirk on his lips. You feel tired and stressed; the last thing you want is to dance to some romantic song. However, something about him calls to you; you stand, reach out, and allow him to pull you into his world.
Title: Obey
"Yoochunnie, Yoochunnie, look at this!"
You immediately stop work (you brought it home to make sure Jaejoong wouldn't be alone after the nurse left) and go over to the living room, where Jaejoong is standing in front of the television set, eyes wide.
"What is it?"
"Isn't that the actress you were in love with back in school?" he says, pointing at the screen. Indeed, one of the most beautiful women you've ever seen is being interviewed. She looks older, elegant, and mature, unlike the young adult who played rather childish parts. Oh, how Jaejoong hated her. "She's such a moron," he would say, rolling his eyes at her sight (and yet, he never left you alone in the living room, suffering through your nearly obsessive fascination with her and her dramas).
"Yeah." You feel your cheeks redden a little. Back when you’d gotten together, admiring other people, even celebrities, had been a sore issue. Your boyfriend was childish and jealous-well, was isn't exactly right, not when you consider how he looks at Junsu whenever he's around you-and absolutely ridiculous.
Jaejoong laughs at your reaction, moving to slide his arm around your shoulders.
"You were so in love with her," he teases, lowering his tone. "I hated her guts." You snort.
"Like that was so hard to figure out." You don't know why, but your reply makes him happy, and, before you know it, he has nearly jumped on you, making you lose your balance and fall on the sofa. He laughs out loud; it's infectious, and you join him, reveling in the sight of him enjoying himself for once.
You don't expect it when he kisses you deeply, leaving you breathless. It takes a while for you to get your bearings; you look directly into his eyes, at once recognizing that mischievous glint you've known for so long.
He kisses you again, shifting until your bodies are better aligned. When he meets your gaze again, you're almost sure of what he will say.
"Do you want to?" He smirks as he grabs you through your shorts, eliciting a yelp that quickly morphs into a moan. It has been so long since you were last together, you're afraid you'll come from this alone.
"Do you?" His grin is all the answer you need.
Title: Doze
"You haven't seen him, either?"
"What do you mean 'either'?"
You hate your boss, but you keep quiet. You need this job; you need to make up for the savings you spent on getting your lover back. Therefore, you don't complain when he informs you that you must stay back until late to complete a project you and your colleagues have been working on for weeks. The calendar clearly states that you have a week left to finish, but no, the client needs it now, and the client is always, always right.
"Work comes first," Jaejoong says when you call him to let him know. He sounds regretful (you feel terrible that his sadness makes you happy) but is quick to hang up when your colleagues call you back.
It's almost midnight when you finally get home, craving nothing but a hot shower and your bed. The apartment is quiet, the only light coming from down the hall. Jaejoong probably left it on for you before he went to bed. He does that sometimes.
You choose not to turn on the bedroom light-what if he wakes up? He needs his sleep-quickly grabbing shorts and a t-shirt. Once you look at the bed, however, you realize there's something wrong: your lover isn't in it.
Heart beating madly, you look all over the apartment, coming up with nothing.
"Okay, calm down," you tell yourself, breathing in and out. Through the rising panic, you remember to call his cell phone. It sends you straight to voicemail. Six times. Fuck.
Think, don’t panic, you tell yourself. Where would he go so late at night? Wait, your friends, right, maybe he's upstairs with Junsu. Jealous or not, Jaejoong has become attached to him, treating Junsu like the brother he never had. Surely, Junsu must know where he is.
"If this isn't life or death, I will strangle you," Junsu answers the phone after a while.
"You were sleeping?" You realize right away, panic beginning to set in once again. You hear your friend sigh.
"Obviously." Not that you care right now. "What is it? Did something happen?"
Fuck, yes, something did happen.
"He's gone!" You manage to grit out. "It's freaking midnight and he isn't home."
"Fuck," Junsu echoes your thoughts. "Did you call his cell phone?" No, you will not insult him; you need his help. "How about Yunho? Have you called him? Maybe he knows."
"I was calling him next in case you didn't know," you admit, calming down somewhat. "I better do it now."
"Call me as soon as you find out something," he nearly orders you. You grunt in assent, hanging up and going to your next and only option.
"Hello?" Yunho sounds wide awake. He has trouble sleeping sometimes ("I got used to it. Those late nights waiting for him," he explained when you asked), so you aren’t surprised.
"Hey, sorry to call so late."
"No problem. What is it?"
You take a deep breath, willing your voice to come out.
"Is there any chance Jaejoong is at your place?"
He pauses.
"No," he answers, his tone leaving no space for question.
"Oh, God," you mutter, beginning to get desperate. "So, you haven't seen him, either?"
"What do you mean 'either'?" he raises his voice, startling you.
"I just got home from work. He isn’t here, there's no note." Those words must be enough to convey your feelings.
"Maybe he went out to the drugstore," Yunho suggests, out of the blue. "Maybe you ran out of something." He exhales. "Let's not jump to conclusions, okay?"
You walk into the living room and sit down on the sofa, closing your eyes and breathing in and out.
"It's hard not to," you tell him, finally sounding something resembling calm.
"I know," Yunho replies. If anyone can understand, it's Yunho. Only he knows Jaejoong as well, or better, than you do (a fact that still grates on your nerves).
A few seconds pass, when you hear the sound of the front door open, and the jingle of your lover's keys. Your heartbeat accelerates, charged with a myriad of feelings you can't tell apart right now. Yet, there he is, walking into the apartment, a shopping bag from the drugstore in his hand, completely unaware that, while he calmly went about his life, you felt like you were going to die.
"Hey," he says, smiling at your sight. "I ran out of cigarettes, and then I remembered a few other things-Yoochun? What-?"
You don't let him finish, closing the space between you and holding him tightly in your arms.
Title: Forget
"Did you have dinner?" You shake your head, staring down at your knees. It's three in the morning, your clothes are drenched, and you're feeling terribly guilty. The couple around you doesn't seem to mind, though, offering tea, a towel, and much-needed company.
"What do you think he's doing?" you ask, softly. Yunho sighs, sitting across from you at the small kitchen table.
"I don't know," he answers as best he can. "Did you go to that coffee shop he likes?"
"Yeah." The drugstore and the coffee shop were your first bets before you finally decided to call anyone. Jaejoong never goes out, you don't know if he has friends-you don't know anything about him! How is that possible, after living together for so long? You sigh. "I should go back. Maybe he's already back home."
"I thought he was done with this kind of behavior," Changmin says, barely masking his anger. "I thought you were going to be honest with each other."
"I thought so, too," you agree. "But things happen. I'm sure he has a good reason."
"Then why won't he answer his cell phone?" You want to ignore your former life partner, but he's right (and you hate him for it). "No one disappears like this out of nowhere, not unless he's back to his old ways."
"He isn't!" You glare at him, beginning to get worked up. "He takes his medication, and he has been better lately. And, more importantly, he promised me!"
Angry tears slip down your face, but you wipe at them quickly. You refuse to listen to Changmin. He’s wrong, he must be! So what if Jaejoong has been happy again, turning on the radio and singing like he used to so long ago? So what if that familiar, childish glint in his eye has come back? It doesn't mean anything, because he is taking his medication, period.
Changmin sighs impatiently.
"Fine," he finally agrees. "You should stay here, though."
"What?" You don't feel comfortable invading their home.
"You shouldn't be alone," Yunho seems to agree with him. "We'll get the sofa ready."
You end up agreeing. You're so tired, exhausted, really. This is the third time you've come home to find him gone. How much more can your heart take before it finally breaks again?
"Sorry about this," you apologize to your friends. Changmin shakes his head, staying with you until you fall asleep.
Title: Remember
"I can't believe you! Do you know how worried he was?"
"It wasn't on purpose!" An impatient sigh follows. "This will be good for us. I need a job-"
"Not there, you don't! All that easy money comes with a price."
A huff and silence, a clear indication that the second speaker has no intention of continuing the conversation.
"Where is he?" he asks.
"Living room."
You hear soft footsteps, and then warm fingers brush your bangs off your forehead.
"Yoochun." His voice makes you smile immediately. It did when you were sixteen, it probably will until the day you die. "Wake up. Let's go home."
You open your eyes; they close again, but his voice urges you awake. Finally, you win the fight, finding yourself face to face with the most beautiful man you’ve ever met.
"You didn't come home," you accuse him immediately. He smiles gently.
"I'm sorry about that," he says, but he doesn't sound half as contrite as you think he should. You were so worried you thought you would die. Where in the world was he? "Let's talk about this at home, okay?"
You nod, allowing him to help you up. Yunho's in the room with you, but he looks angry. You want to ask what happened, but something tells you neither men will be forthcoming.
"Sorry about all this," you apologize. "And Changmin, too. I owe you."
Yunho shrugs.
"It's all right. You're not the one who should owe us, anyway," he adds, throwing a cold glare Jaejoong's way. Jaejoong shrugs it off, tugging you toward the door instead.
"See you soon," you say.
"I hope so," Yunho says, grimly.
Title: Attention
"Hey!" you protest as a report is snatched out of your hands. Not a second later, you find yourself with a lapful of Jaejoong, full lips curved in a sexy and mischievous smile. "I need to work."
"You need to pay attention to me," he replies, mock pouting. "Can't you spare twenty minutes? Ten?"
Your back aches, you're stressed. And, well, sex with Jaejoong is sounding more and more like the perfect solution to all your troubles. Not that it never fixes things, because it does. You love his body, the things only he can do to you, taking advantage of his every weakness… you could go on and on.
He doesn't let you get out of the chair, pulling your shirt off, lips on your throat right away. You moan, but you don't let him have all the fun: taking advantage of his distraction, you reach down to slip your hand under the waistband of his boxers. You're filled with satisfaction when he moans; he starts pushing his hips forward, looking for more friction, so you give it to him, slipping his underwear down and taking control.
"Oh, god," he moans, lips on your throat. "Don't stop."
"I won't," you promise, doubling your efforts. He cries out, and then his body goes taut, wetness seeping into your t-shirt as he trembles in your arms.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he mutters against your skin. "Bed, now!"
Somehow, he manages to get off you and pulls you along to the bedroom. He sits down on the bed and allows you to pull off his boxers, before helping you get rid of your own clothes. You need no other invitation to jump on him and cover his body, kissing his lips, his neck, every part of his body you can reach. Jaejoong doesn't stay still, until you're almost wrestling for dominance-even though he has already decided what he wants, and you are not at all inclined to deny him-and finally pin him down.
"Here," he urges, handing you the lube. It takes nothing to get him ready. He bites his lower lip to keep from crying out, but you can tell that he's so into your lovemaking he could easily forget himself. A part of you wants him to let go, to utter every cry, every moan (the neighbors wouldn't appreciate it, though; they already look at you funny for living together).
Suddenly, he reaches out to bring you close enough to kiss you hard. It forces him into a rather uncomfortable position, but he doesn't seem to care. He keeps you close, until he reaches climax; his body relaxes, and he looks up at you, watching you, until you follow.
His body is warm and perfect, his arms wrapping around you immediately.
"Sleep," he urges, surely hoping this moment of relaxation lasts just a bit longer.
"But, work…"
"Later." His tone leaves no room for discussion. Oh, why not? You haven't had this in so long, and you deserve a few hours of rest.
He sighs, allowing you space to get comfortable before wrapping himself around you again. Even as you start falling asleep, you hear his voice.
"Don't listen to them," he says, so softly it’s almost inaudible. "No matter what, I am never leaving you again."
Title: Amazing
"The stars are brighter than usual tonight, aren't they?" he asks dreamily, turning around and around in circles while looking up at the night sky. You want to tell him to stop-not only has he been drinking heavily tonight, he also ate snacks like you were going to run out-but he looks too beautiful out there, lost in his special little world.
"Yeah," you agree, without even bothering to look up at the sky. Who cares about the sky and the stars? They will always be there. This moment, however, will happen now and only now, and then it will be over; you will have nothing but a memory. It is such a sad reality. Someday this will all be over, no more trips to the beach, no more being together in his old car. Yes, the future will be even better: you will be together until the end of time. Yet, this moment, it will be gone, gone, gone, every second, minute, hour you sit here…
"I wanted to be an astronaut once!" he says out of nowhere. You look at him, and there he is, still going 'round and 'round, though he slows his pace. "The best part? No people up there! But there are aliens! I've seen aliens, have you ever seen aliens?"
Of course you haven't, and you're sure he hasn't, either.
"No," you answer, your mood lighting up somewhat. "Are they ugly like in the movies?" He snorts, finally stops moving, but is now unsteady on his feet, knees buckling.
"No, they are beautiful," he answers with a smile. "Like the stars."
"That's boring," you say, if only to make him pout. Ah, there it is, the first sign of annoyance.
"No, it isn't!" He has that look of determination that signals you won't win the argument. After all, he has seen the aliens; you have not. "They are tall," he goes on, dreamy-eyed. "And bright, like angels."
You want to tell him that aliens don't exist, that he probably dreamed it all up, but he looks so happy. All happy and innocent, though you suspect he is not. But, in the end, what is innocence? Purity? Of what? Of mind, heart, body? No, it's something more than that, but you don't know what. You don't know anything.
"There's nothing more beautiful," he says, dreamily.
"What?" What were you talking about? Besides, what is more beautiful than Jaejoong himself?
He laughs, coming up to you. He kneels, wearing that happy, innocent smile of his, and pushes you down to lie on the sand. Then he lies beside you, holding your hand, intertwining your fingers.
"Isn't it beautiful?" he asks. What is? The sky? The world? This special place you can almost call home?
"Yeah. Beautiful."