we tried to bleed the sickness but we drained our hearts instead
Something just happened to me. I fear using adjectives at all to try to describe the moment, because there aren't words a man can create that can ever describe it. I sat outside on a curb in my neighborhood planning to smoke a cigarette to get myself to fall asleep tonight, and it wasn't raining, but there were stormclouds and lightning. I started to think about how ... i don't even know. Nothing you can create can ever be as great as nature. No art will ever be as beautiful as something that happens naturally. No movie will ever be as good as real life. It's not something you can recreate. It's impossible for anything but nature to light up the entire sky, and its so simple. I thought to myself that i should stare into the clouds and watch this amazing thing, but i couldn't. I just stared at the ground, without even seeing it. My mind and body was completely empty. Not the bad kind of empty. Not the good kind of empty. It was just empty. It just was. I learned what freedom was tonight. Freedom is having nothing for any span of time. No possessions, no feelings, no thoughts. I was just a vessel for anything to enter and do whatever it wanted with me.
Then it started to rain. I could hear it coming before i felt it and i just sat there. I was completely unaffected by it. I didn't want to get wet... though i didn't want to stay dry. I didn't want anything. It just happened. It sounds strange, and i feel like i am not doing justice by what i am writing, because the moment will never happen again. I won't even remember exactly how it happened in my memory because it was so insignificant... But it really wasn't It just was. I totally understood the tao in that span of a couple minutes, and i think that i do now but i know i don't... But i do. It just is. Most people who read this probably won't get what i am saying. Even if they did, they wouldn't really because i am the only person who has ever experienced that exactly as it happened just now... Not that it makes me any more special than anyone else or anything... I still have the shadow of the feeling in me though... But the feeling isn't there itself, which is evident because i am writing this.
... why should i bother finishing what i had to say?
Then it started to rain. I could hear it coming before i felt it and i just sat there. I was completely unaffected by it. I didn't want to get wet... though i didn't want to stay dry. I didn't want anything. It just happened. It sounds strange, and i feel like i am not doing justice by what i am writing, because the moment will never happen again. I won't even remember exactly how it happened in my memory because it was so insignificant... But it really wasn't It just was. I totally understood the tao in that span of a couple minutes, and i think that i do now but i know i don't... But i do. It just is. Most people who read this probably won't get what i am saying. Even if they did, they wouldn't really because i am the only person who has ever experienced that exactly as it happened just now... Not that it makes me any more special than anyone else or anything... I still have the shadow of the feeling in me though... But the feeling isn't there itself, which is evident because i am writing this.
... why should i bother finishing what i had to say?