Need to change out icons....
Currently sitting very quietly in baby Thomas's room as he rustles in his bouncy crib. I don't know how long it's been since I've posted or what I've posted so ill give everyone a recap.
In June I had a vicious bout of depression. It was the first time in a long time that I had contemplated suicide, although not enough for a plan. My finances were on a tight string, which is still wound up. Luckily I had friends and family to support me, both with money and kind words. I desperately fear asking for money.
July had more ups than downs but when my depression hits my enthusiasm for my self worth goes away completely. I haven't colored in a long long time. Almost five months. As a religious education teacher, I work with the youth at my church for Harry potter summer and am liked so much I was asked by the DRE if I could teach regularly during the school year. Teaching does make me happy. This experience was the deciding factor to go back to college, which I need to apply and prep for this month and the months that follow for scholarships, loans, and possible on campus jobs. With a masters of art education I'll be qualified to teach kindergarten though community college. Everyone is so insistent that they know the best way for me to find work. And I honestly, in this fucking economic market, have no blasted idea where to throw my own dart in hopes I'll hit something. Not the bullseye of course, just the wall would do fine.
My imagination travels to drawing the FF6 comic of my fantasies. It's an idea I've had for a long time but never implemented like every idea I have. I amaze myself in how I can crush my dreams before I even act.
Eric made a Facebook comment in a picture of Justin wearing an airport pillow on his head. I haven't laughed so hard at a quote in a while. It made me feel like I could be forgiven for hurting Eric, for him to still want to be my friend.
Jordan has been amazing with his comments. I feel connected despite having drifted so far off the charts.
My eldest sister got married this past weekend despite my efforts I cried during the ceremony. Since the wedding was in a 1940's style hotel called Hotel Metro I had my hair pulled up in a modern day version with a pomp. I wish my sisters had discussed that they both would wear their hair down. Once again I am the oddball of the three. My sister seemed very happy almost the whole day. Mom stressed her out (as usual) and threatened to storm down the aisle before everyone was ready. Mom is a bit of a legend in that regard. I worry about how Mom will act if I marry, since she has far more power over me than my sisters. I would like to get her to help me make my wedding dress; but such things don't need to be dreamed about when life is so financially crazy.