For You.
I find it ironic that on the morning I was planning to make up with Meghan, a post was written describing anger towards my silence and my poison.
I'm simply following what advice told me was best to do. The first one was, "If you cannot say something nice, don't say anything at all."
Considering I was a ball of defeated, guilt ridden goo when I first took this approach, I figured any more feet walking on eggshells would send me into a fitful rage.
My silence STILL sent Meghan into a fitful rage, but I thought any opinion, ANYTHING that I said would make her angier. She does not see my side of the issue and she's not giving me any hints that she would like to. Not the kind that she would respond without yelling at me at any rate.
I have talked to many people and when confronted with a problem, I like to fully analyze how I feel before I tell my irritances to the other person.
I feel that the arguement was not an arguement. I was only trying to tell Meghan how I felt and express the feelings that Jesse and Catherine had as to the issue. I'm sure I said what I said incorrectly because the items I brought up were painful for anyone to hear and the reaction was one of pain and confusion.
The after effects lead to a split. A split within this group that now has Meghan on one side and me on the other, a negociator, and two lost friends that simple wish the incident had never occurred.
I stand on the side that still truly cares about Meghan and is waiting for her to make a choice about me. If you think I am poison, that I am tearing this group apart, please be done with me.
As of right now, I have chosen FOR MYSELF ONLY, I speak for no one else when I say this, that I still want to be your friend and I will wait forever for the friendship to return.
If you have not realized just how sorry I am for my part in this great chaos of tattered hearts, there is nothing further I can do.
I admit that I am prideful.
I admit that I am stubborn.
I admit that I was selfish and jealous of your friendship with Frankie.
I admit that I talked about my opinions as to the conflict to the others and specifically told both Allie and Catherine to talk to either Jesse or you to have a further, less biased explanation of the issue to avoid a theory that I was "poisoning" them with my views.
I admit that I explained my feelings incorrectly over aim.
I'm sorry that I confused you. I'm sorry that I upset you.
I am sorry all around about the things I did wrong.
As you wished, I have responded to the problem.
I have disallowed comments on this journal. I really did not want to post this on LJ. I ask as kindly and as gently as I possibly can for everyone who is not involved in the issue to wait for as long as it takes for me to sit down and type the issue in my own accord. The more people wrapped up in the issue, the longer it takes to heal.
I'm simply following what advice told me was best to do. The first one was, "If you cannot say something nice, don't say anything at all."
Considering I was a ball of defeated, guilt ridden goo when I first took this approach, I figured any more feet walking on eggshells would send me into a fitful rage.
My silence STILL sent Meghan into a fitful rage, but I thought any opinion, ANYTHING that I said would make her angier. She does not see my side of the issue and she's not giving me any hints that she would like to. Not the kind that she would respond without yelling at me at any rate.
I have talked to many people and when confronted with a problem, I like to fully analyze how I feel before I tell my irritances to the other person.
I feel that the arguement was not an arguement. I was only trying to tell Meghan how I felt and express the feelings that Jesse and Catherine had as to the issue. I'm sure I said what I said incorrectly because the items I brought up were painful for anyone to hear and the reaction was one of pain and confusion.
The after effects lead to a split. A split within this group that now has Meghan on one side and me on the other, a negociator, and two lost friends that simple wish the incident had never occurred.
I stand on the side that still truly cares about Meghan and is waiting for her to make a choice about me. If you think I am poison, that I am tearing this group apart, please be done with me.
As of right now, I have chosen FOR MYSELF ONLY, I speak for no one else when I say this, that I still want to be your friend and I will wait forever for the friendship to return.
If you have not realized just how sorry I am for my part in this great chaos of tattered hearts, there is nothing further I can do.
I admit that I am prideful.
I admit that I am stubborn.
I admit that I was selfish and jealous of your friendship with Frankie.
I admit that I talked about my opinions as to the conflict to the others and specifically told both Allie and Catherine to talk to either Jesse or you to have a further, less biased explanation of the issue to avoid a theory that I was "poisoning" them with my views.
I admit that I explained my feelings incorrectly over aim.
I'm sorry that I confused you. I'm sorry that I upset you.
I am sorry all around about the things I did wrong.
As you wished, I have responded to the problem.
I have disallowed comments on this journal. I really did not want to post this on LJ. I ask as kindly and as gently as I possibly can for everyone who is not involved in the issue to wait for as long as it takes for me to sit down and type the issue in my own accord. The more people wrapped up in the issue, the longer it takes to heal.