Annie Tales (4/5)
Title: Annie Tales
Author: robert3A-SN on ff.net
Character/pairing: Jeff/Annie, Troy and Abed, Dean Pelton
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,648 words in chapter 4, 13,381 through four chapters
Genres: Romance, humor, parody
Summary: Chapter 4 - Little Red Riding Hood: Annie faces obstacles and delays while trying to quickly return the movie “Red Riding Hood” to the video store for Troy and Abed.
Disclaimer: If I owned Community, there never would have been a three-month hiatus, but I don’t and there was.
A/N: This is based on a Ficcy Friday prompt from eleventhimpala, who previously inspired my fan favorite “Five Friends Who Kept Jeff and Annie’s Secret” This time I’m filling her prompt of a group of fairly tale spoofs starring Annie and Jeff/Annie - although the ideas for which stories to parody and how are mine.
On the advice of crittab, I am finally posting the full text to a story right here on LJ, instead of just sending you to the link on ff.net. If you do still want to leave reviews on ff.net - where the story is at http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8030132/4/ - you can. But now that the text can be read here on LJ, perhaps it will inspire others to leave comments and feedback at last.
Chapter 1: Cinderella Chapter 2: Snow White Chapter 3: Beauty and the Beast
Annie was almost in the clear before Troy and Abed caught up to her in the halls. She thought nothing of it until they explained how they needed her to return their movie.
Over the weekend, Trobed had rented “Red Riding Hood” from the nearby video store, as part of their “Bad movie that isn’t historically bad enough to buy” movie night. Since Annie loved the real Red Riding Hood story, she didn’t have that much fun sitting through the bastardization, even if it did become a Twilight ripoff. But they were supposed to return it today - although according to Troy, their afternoon was now completely booked due to a new game idea.
“It came to us like an awesome troll murderer! You have to see why we have to act this out today, right?” Troy declared. Annie had no idea what they were talking about - it seemed to involve hamster walks, Pierce’s dad’s wig, Kickpuncher’s third cousin and a blorgon intervention. Annie’s Trobed-to-English dictionary was getting better, yet she couldn’t begin to figure this out - but she did know one thing.
“Guys, I can’t return the movie for you while you do….all that!” Annie started after they offered her the DVD. “I’m leaving here at 4 and coming right home to study for my test tomorrow! With everything I have to study, I can’t push back my schedule! Even for a video store trip!”
“Okay. I guess our video store card will be canceled tonight, then,” Abed stated. Annie asked, “What’s that mean?” before she could be drowned out by Troy’s sad moans. Abed replied, “We’ve amassed so many late fees at this store, one more and they’ll rescind our card. Then we’ll have to pay more to rent them, or start getting our DVDs from Netflix and wait longer for them. It throws off our whole careful schedule, really.”
“Oh come on, it’s a video store! They can’t afford to lose what little customers they have left, right?” Annie nitpicked. “With our history of late fees, you’d be surprised,” Abed responded.
“And none of our very plausible and awesome excuses worked on them!” Troy lamented. “I know that old lady manager is from the dark timeline, I just can’t find any evidence in the Dreamatorium lab! She’s got to have old lady ninjas working on the inside, I just don’t know how many!”
Annie tried to voice her objections before she got too confused to function. “You couldn’t just return movies on time? Or put off your big game to return this one? Or just get movies from Netflix?” But Annie knew that logic and reason wouldn’t work here, so she had absolutely nothing left to get out of this. “Fine! I’ll return this on my way home, as long as I get back by 5! That’s as far as I can push my studying, guys!”
“Thanks, you’re the best,” Abed voiced, and Annie was pretty convinced that she had to be. But before he and Troy left, Abed took out one more item - Annie’s Little Red Riding Hood cloak from that otherwise very forgettable Halloween party in 2010. “Turns out we don’t need this for our deleted scene after all, so you can have it back.”
“What? I didn’t know I didn’t have it….do you mind explaining that?” But Troy and Abed were already gone, so Annie sighed and stuffed the cloak and DVD in her already stuffed backpack. By the time she was ready to carry it to lunch, Dean Pelton caught up to her with a “Deany meeny miney moe, Annie!”
Annie began to wonder if she’d ever eat lunch, but put on a smile for the Dean anyway. “I understand you have a movie about a certain hooded mistress in red,” the Dean recapped, as Annie tried to ignore how dirty that could sound. “I would like to borrow it for tonight, please.”
“Oh! Um, well, I can’t, really,” Annie started to explain. “I have to return it by 5, and its really important that this goes back tonight. You might get too distracted to do that, and I have enough to worry about. So…no thank you?” Annie tried to let down gently. “You can just rent it tomorrow, though.”
“Yeah, that won’t work, I need a distraction tonight. I’m starting chapter three of ‘Dean Dangerous’ for the 15’th time, and my old procrastination movies aren’t working anymore. But a good bad flick from ‘Bad movie that isn’t historically bad enough to buy’ night should fix that,” the Dean theorized.
“How did you even know about….no, no, I can’t risk it! Just procrastinate and rent it from the store tomorrow, okay?” Annie offered before making her escape.
“I, you….ooh, once the time wolf gets some lines, he’ll have a real blisterer for you, mister! Ooh, that’ll make a great catch phrase….but I can save it for the 12’th edit of chapter 12,” the Dean delayed.
Annie had better luck sticking to her schedule the rest of the day. She was on track to go right to her car, drive to the video store and then get right home as planned - yet Jeff then showed up for a last minute delay. “Annie, do you have a minute?” Jeff checked.
“Um, not really, Jeff. I’m really sorry, but I have to return a DVD and study, can you call later?” Annie inquired. Instead of heading away like Annie predicted, Jeff blindsided her and answered, “No, that’s all right, I can come with you.”
“What? Jeff, why would you want to see me drop off a DVD?” Annie questioned. However, she put that aside when she got outside and felt a big chill. “Oh! Where did this wind come from?” Annie asked, although even if Jeff had an answer, the wind and her shivers were too loud to hear him.
She didn’t even have a coat to keep her warm - since she didn’t think she’d have to bring one. So after a few more chilly steps, she resorted to going into her backpack and putting her Red Riding Hood cloak on. It made her a little warmer - at least enough to not feel that embarrassed over wearing this after Halloween. Still, she warned Jeff, “If you’re r-really tagging along, not a w-word, okay?”
“My, what a big mouth you think I have,” Jeff quipped in spite of the wind. Unfortunately, Annie had to hold onto her cloak and couldn’t slap him on the shoulder. “Well, I’m driving there and then g-going right home, so you’ll have to follow me.”
“Or I could tag along in your car, then take a cab back to get my Lexus. If it’s scratched or stolen, I can lord it over you very….thoroughly. That’ll get me through the first few weeks of taking a bus.” Annie kept her cool over Jeff saying “thoroughly” like that - although it made her wonder how he could casually joke over losing his precious Lexus. But since he wasn’t driving it, he would actually be in her car for the first time.
Annie tried to focus more on keeping warm for the rest of the walk. Yet of course, she didn’t actually get warm until she got in her car and turned on the heat. Still, she kept her cloak on anyway and just worked on reaching the video store as quick as possible. Nevertheless, not being thrown off by Jeff’s presence was somewhat difficult.
Annie reminded herself she had more important things to do than decrypt Jeff for once. So she put up with it, let herself banter with him a few times, and got to the video store with no holdups. Fortunately, she still had more than enough time to return the movie, head home and study right on schedule.
With that extra confidence, Annie parked the car and took the “Red Riding Hood” DVD out with her while wearing her costume. She fought through the still strong wind and Jeff tried to keep up - however, he caught up once Annie froze figuratively in front of the store.
Namely because Dean Pelton was standing there in an old lady wig, while wearing comically large old lady glasses and an old dress.
“Ah, there’s my DVD right on time!” the Dean called out in what he thought was an old lady voice. “Since I’m the old lady owner, you can put it in my arthritic hands and I’ll bring it inside! You can drive away after that, since you young people are so busy and all! What with your novels and Jetflixes and way too liberal time travel rules!”
“You don’t know what the words ‘rock’ or ‘bottom’ mean at all, do you?” Jeff rhetorically asked. Annie really didn’t have time for this, so she tried to cut to the chase. “You’re the owner of this place? You’re Mrs. Hardwicke?”
“That’s me, danger danger and all that jazz!” Dean Pelton croaked out. “Hmm….well I have to say, what big hair you have. Much bigger than when I last came here,” Annie nitpicked.
“The better to keep my head warm in this freezing cold, my dear. I hate it as much as I loved Ike!” Okay, the Dean got her there, but he got lucky. Annie continued with, “Then what big glasses you have….way bigger than the ones I usually see you in.”
“The better to see my terrible, time killing movies, my dear. Speaking of which….” Dean Pelton tried to reach for the DVD, but Annie took his hand instead. “And what….kind of big hands you have. They’re not even wrinkled like 75-year-old hands,” she noticed.
“Well, you try finding fake liver spots on such short notice!” the Dean protested in his normal voice. “Ah ha, it is you, Dean Pelton!” Annie declared as if she didn’t already know.
“No. Way,” Jeff sarcastically reacted. “If that’s true, it’s the most random crap in the history of random crap. Even you have better standards for wasting our time than this.”
“I know, I know!” the Dean admitted. “It’s just….Trobed gave this their bad movie seal of approval!” he reminded while pointing to “Red Riding Hood.” “It gets so depressing when you can’t write time travel right for the 24’th time! I just needed a rotten movie to convince me I could write something better than Hollywood people! And if it was one that they watched….it’d make me feel closer to you guys! It’d make me feel too connected to cool people to be a failure!”
Of course, Jeff merely rolled his eyes while Annie gave more googly sad eyes at the Dean’s emotions. But Annie was still in a hurry, so she held back her tears - especially in this wind - and tried to think of actual solutions. To her credit, it didn’t take her long to think up a doozy.
“How about this, Dean? I remember every other bad movie Troy and Abed watched ironically. I can pick one of those out for you, but only if you don’t make me take too long! And I’ll charge it to Troy and Abed’s video store card….trust me, they owe me too big today to mind. And in the future, if they select bad movies I don’t want to waste my time on, I’ll call you and you can watch in my place! You’ll get to trash worse projects than “Dean Dangerous” and hang out with us, Troy and Abed will still have a third wheel, and I can get more actual work done! It’s perfect for all of us!” Annie exclaimed.
“Really? You’d do that for me?” the Dean double checked. “Of course I would!” Annie assured. “Of course you would,” Jeff said more sarcastically…..although not nearly as much as usual. But Annie didn’t take notice, as she got the Dean’s wig and glasses off before she took him inside and got out of the cold.
It took her a minute to find past Troy and Abed bad movie favorites “Kickpuncher 6: Kick-munity” and “All About Steve.” Yet after Dean Pelton voiced a far too long defense of Sandra Bullock’s non “Lake House” movies, Annie chose “Kickpuncher 6” for him and then had to buy him licorice to calm him down. Yet she did return “Red Riding Hood” and get the Dean off her back in a timely manner, then left with Jeff to drive right home.
“You know, now that you got him to spend more time with Troy and Abed, he’ll have less time to stalk me,” Jeff said, clearly impressed. “Well, as long as he isn’t that much noisier than Troy and Abed, that’s a price we’ll both have to pay,” Annie stated as she parked in front of the apartment complex.
“I guess so. Heh, what big brains you have,” Jeff joked. “The better to survive nonsense and help….special people like the Dean, I guess,” Annie offered.
“That reminds me what a big heart you have,” Jeff noted. Now it was getting harder for Annie to avoid Jeff’s strange….kind of sweet behavior today. “Well….the better to care for people as lonely as I used to be. Even if they have a much better wardrobe than I did,” Annie tried to joke with a smile.
“Yeah….and oh look, what a big smile you have,” Jeff kept going. “Uh….the better to be happy with? Jeff, where are you going with this?” Annie wondered.
“I wanted to talk to you because…..there are things I finally got tired of not saying to you. I’ve already hinted at a few of them, so….if you’ll let me get to the rest?” Annie barely remembered to check her car clock and see if she had time to hear the rest. But even if she didn’t have a few minutes left, it might not have mattered that much. “Okay…..” Annie confirmed while trying not to shiver - although she might have been too warm with that cloak still on.
“As I was saying, what big eyes you have,” Jeff continued. “The better to annoy me, tease me, haunt me and make me think and do….things that get a little less lame every day. Like tag along with Red Riding Hood to an outdated DVD store, just so I don’t lose my fragile nerve to talk to her. But after seeing you handle that time wolf in lamer than usual Dean clothing….it’s not so fragile anymore. It really shouldn’t be fragile around you anymore….what with the big brain, big heart, big smile, big eyes and kind of big lips you have.”
The big eyes certainly got wider as the big smile struggled to contain itself, and the big brain tried to keep the big heart from exploding. Her kind of big lips got out, “You know….Red Riding Hood never kissed anyone in the real story. But she kissed people in the movie and that didn’t work out at all….”
“Well, I hated Twilight too much to rip it off, and I like big eyed brunette Riding Hoods better than big eyed blonde ones, so….” Jeff reminded, which made Annie chuckle in spite of it all. “They’re all the better to….apologize to for leading on….and hopefully kiss at the end anyway….”
But Annie was too eager and on too tight of a schedule to hear full apologies now. As such, she settled for just kissing Jeff, acting out the fleeting fantasy she had before Halloween 2010. As Jeff got into kissing Red Riding Hood, she peeked at the car radio and saw it was almost 5 p.m.
Maybe studying at 5:05 or 5:10 wouldn’t be so bad. After all, she earned something for her successful mission to Grandma’s DVD house. Five minutes of kissing and five more to talk and start defining their relationship should be enough to fit in. Especially with what a big mouth Jeff had….