5 Dates That Weren't A Date, and 1 That Was
1.Cofee
It was two weeks after the infamous paintball war, and one week after the Tranny Dance. Annie was waiting patiently at a Starbucks not far from school. Jeff had invited her out-no biggie. It’s not like she spent two hours getting ready this morning. Nope, she was just getting coffee with a super hot friend who she just recently frenched-but it was NOT a date.
Tired of being nervous, she took a book out of her bag and began to read. This was how Jeff found her, sitting at a table inside, turning the pages of her book like she hadn’t a care in the world. He ordered his coffee and then hers, knowing exactly what she wanted(trying not to think about the fact that he remembered their coffee conversation from four months ago) and sat down quietly in front of her.
She looked up, startled, and smiled that perfect smile of hers. Suddenly, Jeff couldn’t remember what he was doing here. He had texted her and told her to be discreet about their kiss, and that they shouldn’t hang out by themselves. He hadn’t added it, but he felt she understood this meant they couldn’t go out on dates. Not that this was one.
It was just coffee with his incredibly hot nineteen year old best friend who he never thought about in a sexual way.
So why did he have butterflies in his stomach?
2.Burgers
After making their big scene with the KFC rocket ship, Captain Troy suggested they all go out for burgers and shakes at Steak N Shake. Normally, Jeff wouldn’t dare get a burger AND a shake, but today felt different. So, they set off towards their cars, jeff and Annie towards one side of the parking lot and the other five in a different direction.
“I don’t know where Steak N Shake is,” Annie confessed, “Oh, it’s on the corn-“ “I’ll just follow you!” She interrupted brightly. She climbed in her car and turned on the radio. As Jeff was driving, he looked in his rearview mirror and saw her singing along to something on the radio.
He nearly missed Steak N Shake because he was so busy watching her, but thankfully he looked back at the road just in time to turn into the parking lot. Annie pulled in next to him, and while she redid her makeup, Jeff walked in and requested a table for seven. Annie walked in and sat next to him in the boot. “I can’t believe we’re the first ones here,” she said as she looked around. “why is everyone staring?” She asked.
“well Annie, it’s not every day two hot astronauts walk into a burger place.” Annie looked down at herself, embarrassed. “oh, I forgot we had these ridiculous things on! I probably look so stupid!” Jeff was debating about whether or not to tell her she didn’t look stupid, she looked really, really not stupid when her phone beeped.
“Oh no!” she said, looking frantically at her phone. “We’re at the wrong Steak N Shake!” “Oh well,” Jeff said, and beckoned a waiter over. “What are you doing? We have to drive to the one on Central!” She grabbed her bag and stood up. Jeff pulled her back down. “Annie, I’m not driving all the way past the school. I’m tired and now I’m hungry, so sit down and order some damn food before I order for you.” Annie picked up her menu with a sigh, and Jeff ordered with a smirk on his face.
When the waiter brought their food, Annie couldn’t help but think that they looked life two teenagers on a date, with their heads close and smiles on their faces. Especially when Jeff paid and hugged her goodbye.
She smiled the whole way home.
3.Trees
Jeff’s phone was blowing up. That was actually what woke him up. There was seven new texts-one from Birtta(thanking him for last night), two different “Jesus Loves You” chain letters from Shirley(“’tis the friggin’ season,” Jeff thought sourly), one from both Gwyneffer and Quendra asking him out that night(he deleted those without a second thought) and two from Abed(one with a list of what everyone wanted for Chirstmas(how he knew Jeff wanted Shake Weights and a new blender was beyond him)and another inviting him to his Christmas party the next night). Jeff only had a few moments to fixate on the disappointment of none of these texts being from Annie when, lo and behold, she did.
Annie: Really Jeff? Shake Weights?
Jeff chuckled; she had no doubt received the gift list.
Jeff: Really Annie? Princess and the Frog?
Annie: Or Tangled!
Jeff: Sooooooo not the point.
Annie: Well, whatever. The real reason I’m texting is not to tease you about your weird exercise needs. I actually need to go shopping(and you do too!)and my car doesn’t work well in snow. So, therefore, I would appreciate you coming to get me and accompanying me to Target. :)
Jeff looked disbelievingly at his phone. Was Annie asking him out? What? No. She wasn’t. She just needed a ride and he really did need to shop, especially because of Abed’s party tomorrow. He picked up his phone on the way to the bathroom.
Jeff: Sure thing, milady. What time?
He didn’t even wait for a response. He jumped in the shower and took probably the quickest one of his life. Whe was done, he stood in his bathroom, towel around his waist and toothbrush in his mouth. He picked up his phone and walked into his room.
Annie: How about noonish?
Jeff: perfect.
He threw his phone down and got dressed. At 12:05 Jeff pulled up to Annie’s apartment complex. She was already waiting outside, complete with her rare pair of jeans and a cute puffy jacket.
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They’d been there for close to two hours, and weren’t done yet. Having skipped breakfast, Jeff’s stomach kept making an unattractive grumbling sound. They were in the maternity section, shopping for Shirley, when Jeff’s stomach gave such a loud grumble that Annie jumped a little.
“Annie, I’m starving. Can we please leave?” Jeff asked. Annie continued to look at tops on the clearance rack. Jeff turned around and made to walk away, but he felt her grab his arm. “All we have left is Britta and Shirley, and each other. It won’t take long, and then I’ll buy you lunch.” Jeff sighed. “Fine. I’ll get Britta and you, and you get Shirley and me.”
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After another hour and a half, they were checked out and in the car. Since Annie insisted on buying lunch( to which Jeff replied “Shouldn’t the man pay?” “Only on a date,” Annie said with a smirk, as clearly this was not one), she decided they were eating at Panera. After a twenty minute car ride and an hour there, Annie decided it was time to go home……..until they passed a tree farm on their way to her house. She gave him the Disney Eyes and he sighed and pulled over. When he parked, he told her they’d only stay for a couple minutes. However, when forty-five minutes had passed and the sun was down, he began to lose hope.
He and Annie were obviously the only non-couple there, seeing as everybody had their arms around each other, or were accompanied by kids. Jeff finally convinced her to leave, took her hand, and practically dragged her to the car.
Their fingers were intertwined until he dropped her off. She kissed him on the cheek, grabbed her bags, and made her way up to her building. She turned and waved, and he drove away. He touched his face where she kissed him and smirked.
He made a mental not to get her another present tomorrow before the party.
4.Lunch
It was the day before the Dean’s stupid Valentine’s dance. Annie had run out of the study room right after their study session, mumbling something about a boy in Abed’s film studies class. Jeff grabbed his stuff and used all his strength and will power not running after her and stopping her from going on her “lunch date” with Jack in the cafeteria.(Seriously? A cafeteria lunch date? What was this, junior high?) However, when he entered the cafeteria, Annie was sitting by herself at a table.
When Jeff got closer, he saw her eyes were filled with tears and she was holding her phone. Jeff sat down across from her. “Where’s Johnny from Abed’s class?” He asked, deliberately getting his name wrong. “His name is Jack, Jeff. And he bailed. He told Abed I was ‘too innocent’ for him, so Abed suggested Britta.: She pointed somewhere behind m, but Jeff didn’t even turn around. At this moment, he just wanted to make sure Annie didn’t cry and make her pretty face all blotchy.
“Let’s go, Annie. I’m taking you to lunch.” She look skeptical, but got up nonetheless. Twenty minutes later, they were sitting in the same Steak N Shake they went to months before. Annie was already feeling considerably better; Jeff could tell by the smile on her face.
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After they’d eaten their burgers, their waiter brought over a shake for Annie. “Oh, I didn’t order this.” Annie said. The waiter smiled. “I know, it’s from me. I’m Andy.” He held out his hand to her, and then to Jeff. Jeff, however, sat there with a scowl on his face and his arms crossed.
Andy cleared his throat awkwardly and winked at Annie before walking away. Jeff was disgusted to see her smile twice as big as it was earlier. He sat in a stony silence and glared at Andy while Andy stared at Annie finishing her shake. By the time she finished, Jeff was more than ready to go, and got to the register to pay for the two of them.
Andy walked around the counter and gave Annie a slip of paper. “So, maybe you could call me or something. I’ll take you out.” She took it shyly. Jeff cleared his throat angrily and Andy turned around, startled. He saw Jeff paying for both of them. “Oh, I get it. He’s your boyfriend.” “Oh no. Jeff is NOT my boyfriend. I’d be happy to call you.” As they left, Jeff mentally kicked himself for not telling that tool Andy that he was, indeed, Annie’s boyfriend.
As they drove back to the school, Annie noticed Jeff looked a little pained. “Are you okay?” She asked, worry in her eyes. “Are you gonna call that guy?” Jeff demanded, hoping she’d say no. “Oh, I might. It’d be nice to go on a real date sometime.”
She looked out the window thoughtfully. Jeff felt like telling her that this was, in fact, a date, in the most conventional sense. But he didn’t, because she’s twenty and he’s….not.
He was silent the whole way back to Greendale.
5.Eggs
Annie was lying in her bed unhappily. A few hours before, they had recounted what was supposed to be their happiest times. In the end, though, feelings were hurt-hers specifically. She had a hard time believing that Jeff wasn’t interested in her after all that happened between them. The looks. The dates. “Those weren’t dates. “ She thought, “Just friends being friends.” She was almost asleep when her phone beeped, signaling a new text message.
Jeff: Hey, come outside. We’re going to IHOP.
Annie didn’t even question it or text back. She threw on some jeans and grabbed her purse on the way out. Jeff seemed surprised when Annie knocked on his passenger window, rubbing her arms from the surprising cold. As she climbed in the car, she turned to Jeff. “It’s midnight, Jeff. Why are we all going to IHOP?” “We’re not,” Jeff replied. “Just us.”
They drove in almost silence to the restaurant. The only sound was Jeff humming along softly with the radio. When they were in and seated, Jeff told Annie to order whatever-he was paying. Annie knew why he was doing this. He felt bad because she had a crush on him and he was sleeping with Britta. However, she still ordered a lot of food- he was paying after all.
When their food arrived, they ate in silence for a few minutes before Jeff just couldn’t’ take it anymore. “Look, Annie……” He began, “I’m sorry I embarrassed you today, it was-“ “There’s no need to apologize, Jeff.” Annie interrupted. “You were right, it was all in my head.” She began to shovel her cheesecake pancakes into her mouth. Jeff just sat there and watched her eat, trying to form words that made sense in his head.
Annie looked up and saw Jeff staving his eggs with his fork, an angry expression on his face. “Jeff, are you-“ “I’m not sleeping with Britta anymore!” He practically screamed. The elderly couple across the restaurant looked up in alarm, and the wait staff looked annoyed. “I think we better get going,” Annie said quietly, and raised her and for the check. Jeff sat there angrily and pulled out his card before Annie could pull out hers.
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They pulled up to Annie’s apartment around 2 O’Clock in the morning. Dildopolis was blasting their Wednesday morning savings, and a couple of homeless people were huddled in a corner, whispering. Annie went to get out of the car, and Jeff grabbed her arm. “I’m not sleeping with Britta anymore,” he said, quietly this time.
“You don’t have to take me out to tell me that, Jeff,” she got out of the car, “especially after this afternoon.” She turned and ran inside her building without a glance or a wave back to Jeff. “I didn’t take you out,” he whispered to his empty car, “it wasn’t a date.”
If only he believed himself.
1.Cell Phone
Jeff Winger was wearing one of his best suits. He was on his third glass of wine that evening. He was sitting across from his best friend in the same restaurant he had his “Dinner with Andre” dinner with Abed a couple months ago. And yet, he was sweating like he was playing paintball again.
Maybe it was because his best friend was twenty and beautiful. Maybe it was because he was surprised she even showed up after everything that happened during the course of the school year. Maybe it was because this was their first date and he hadn’t even bothered to tell her. Regardless of his reason to be sweating, he downed the rest of his glass, poured himself another one, and watched Annie eat.
Annie Edison was wearing one of her prettiest dresses. She wasn’t sure why she was even out with Jeff. She didn’t want to see him, but Abed had told her she should go out anyways. He had also been texting her all night, asking her how everything was going.
Annie still didn’t know how she felt about Abed. Maybe it was because they kissed during paintball. Maybe it was because when she kissed him, she was in the process of trying to forget about her feelings for her very handsome best friend whom she was currently out with. Maybe it was because when she kissed him, he was acting just like Jeff. Regardless of her feelings for Abed, she took another bite of her salad and picked her phone back up.
Jeff suddenly couldn’t take it anymore. He grabbed her phone and put it in his untouched glass of water. “Jeff! Why would you do that? Now I don’t have a phone!” “I’ll get you a new one,” he replied, finally looking a little less nervous. He took another large gulp of wine, and went to pour himself another glass. However, Annie had taken the bottle and hidden it under the table.
“That’s enough of that for you, Jeffrey.” She said sternly, and he couldn’t help but smile. “Don’t smile, Jeff. You deny your feelings all year, and then you sleep with Britta, and now you decide to take me out when, honestly, you have no right to. THEN, you take my phone and ruin it, which you still haven’t explained, and th-“ “I don’t want to remember our first date as you texting Abed the whole night!” He blirted out.
Annie looked shocked. “Are you gonna take that back when we see the group and Shirley’s for a barbeque in two weekends? Are you going to ignore me all next year? Or can you be adult?” Jeff got up from his seat and kissed her. “I guess I can try being adult.”
Annie smiled and Jeff signaled for the check. “What are you doing? We haven’t finished yet!” Annie asked, confused and concern written all over her face. “We need to buy you a new phone. Some douche ruined it when I took you on our first date.”
THE END<3