Fic: Ship To Wreck (1/?)
Title: Ship To Wreck
Author: msharleysquinn
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own Community or these characters
Summary: Jeff has a drinking problem. Annie realizes it's time she had a problem with that.
First year was a mess. She had just gotten better. She was only getting used to the idea of a Community College. She was in love with Troy and Troy was in love with himself. It was embarrassing to think about the feelings she had for Troy now, but they were there once. She saw her love for him as some sort of battle she had to win. Love meant something else now. First year was the year they kissed. Twice. Both were nothing but a distant memory now. She used to think about it every now and then, she could remember the feeling of triumph she had when they kissed. Both of those times. She used to think it was a victory that she got Jeff Winger to kiss her, and like that. But things got a little messier. Just when she thought she had control, she had begun losing it.
Second year was hopeful. Yes, she was only nineteen. Yes, he hadn’t called her back. and Yes, no one but the two of them knew what happened after the Transfer Dance - but she was hopeful. She thought about it over and over again during the summer and she didn't expect Jeff and Britta to get lost in a power fight or them to be sleeping together the whole year. She had this hope whenever she caught him looking at her or whenever he had that look on his face like she was something he was scared to approach. He humiliated her in front of the study group by rejecting any kind of emotional bond between them. He did that twice, and she was heartbroken but at the end of the day she knew he was insanely jealous of Rich and she knew that he had some kind of feelings for her.
Third year was good. It was good mostly because of Troy and Abed, and the fact that she had learned to live with the feelings she had for Jeff. She wasn’t demanding anything in return. She was still very much into him, and she still felt like he was very much into her (perhaps even more than before) but it was a matter of time now. She left it into the hands of… well, time. He was confusing as always, he told her something she couldn’t wrap her mind around easily: something along the lines of, “When you feel the way I feel about you.” It didn’t matter nevertheless. Because when you felt the way Annie Edison felt about Jeff Winger, you got used to it.
Fourth year was chaotic. Their whole relationship was sort of reduced to his understanding of appreciating her from a respectable distance. They had talked about it last year and decided he shouldn’t do that anymore, but somehow here they were. They were closer than before though, which helped. He let her decorate his house, he wanted her to go to a Halloween party dressed as his ring-girl (which she failed, but she was proud to have failed to do that to be honest) and he even joked about two of them getting married. They weren’t moving forward, but at least they were getting somewhere.
Fifth year was heart-wrenching. Not only they hadn’t seen each other for too long, the Greendale they returned to was more or less like what the study group had became: a ghost of something once amazing. Maybe she was being sentimental or maybe it was Troy leaving or Pierce dying… she couldn’t take it. He didn’t acknowledge their intimacy, he called it “platonic shoulder holding” and she actually believed him, she simply didn’t want to try anymore. At this point, after five years, she was ashamed to be the one to ask that. Then, they announced they were getting married. Her heart felt so heavy that she could still feel it today. She felt so ashamed. She thought about everything she felt were happening between them and she realised how none of them mattered once he uttered those words. Britta and I are getting married. She tried to brush it off, she called them ridiculous even, she made fun of Britta and tried to look highly eccentric about saving Greendale. After hearing them talk about which of their lights was better, she was done. She had finally realised that they would be talking about their differences in a room, or having sex in another, moving in less than a year and she would be left behind thinking about the time Jeff hugged her really passionately. Upon realising that, just like the time she had told Jeff it shouldn’t be a problem for him to see Rich with her, she made a speech about letting him do what he wants. Let him do whatever makes him happy. Not that it’s her place to decide but she thought, just in case. That day, she danced her ass off after they saved Greendale and cried her heart out when she got home. She realised that there were some parts of Jeff’s life she was never going to be a part of. She wasn’t jealous of Britta at all, she just realised she couldn’t trust them not to get together again and that she had to restrain herself from getting any ideas.
Sixth year was pretty fast. Nothing they were doing made sense to her anymore, she learned to let go and have fun. Frankie played a huge role in that, she was so in charge of everything that Annie could just lay back and goof around with Abed. She was so laid back that she didn’t see what big of a mess Jeff had become. Maybe she just didn’t care. Maybe she didn’t want to care. Maybe she wanted to distance herself from him to prevent any more heartbreaks. When she realised it, he was already so far away.
Now, there she was, sitting right next to Britta during Jeff Winger’s intervention, mostly looking at her feet because she was out of words. His eyes were blank anyway, there was something menacing about him today, just like the time he slapped Abed. His words were as tasteless as the drink in his hands, and he felt more distant than ever before. So she ended up feeling dizzy as if she were the one drinking that scotch.
“Jeff, I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to drink during your intervention.” Frankie said, her voice was solid as a rock. Not at all like what Annie would sound like if she was the one speaking. She felt her heart inside her mouth.
Jeff pointed at the group of people sitting on his couch, “and I don’t think it’s appropriate that you guys sneaked into my apartment to give me a lecture on drinking but here we are.”
“Jeff, it’s obvious that you are a mess!” Britta tried to get the bottle from Jeff but failed miserably.
“Why is Chang here?”
“Because they needed a living proof of how life can get wrong! It’s okay. At least I know what’s wrong with me.”
Jeff let out a tired laugh. “I know what’s wrong with me, too. It’s you guys. With your emotions and grabby hands and concerns…”
Annie looked at him and she was sure he was dead serious. Like, he actually had enough. Like, the part of the reason he was this now was in fact them. Frankie gave him a speech on how she couldn’t let him work at Greendale as a teacher anymore (that he had to teach to earn that title and not pull out bottles of whisky from his top drawer during class) and he gladly agreed to it. Normally, if this was two or three years ago, Annie would want him to fight for it. Annie would want him to actually try to teach because she knew how great he could be if he just tried. But right now, after seeing how determined he was to get rid of them and the school like it was some sort of disease, she felt horrible. Abed shared an intimate moment they had with Jeff (if you call trying to choke someone intimate) with them, and everyone immediately thought he was so scared to let go. Even though that wasn’t reason enough for him to turn to alcohol, (he managed to not turn into a full functioning alcoholic when he left the school fourth year even when he was on the verge of losing everything) they decided it was reason enough for him to get scared. As of this moment, though, he was looking at them with a smile on his face, probably happy to not see them for a long while after they leave his house.
Frankie tried to reach for Jeff’s hand. “Jeff, we care about you.”
You know in movies when people go, “Hey, that’s my line!” That’s what Annie felt like shouting right now.
“Thank you, Frankie. And I respect that. I wish you cared about me enough to leave me alone.” Even though his words cut like knives, his eyes were softened while he was talking to her. That was something she had realised during the underground paintball game but she let it pass. (Probably because Britta kept talking about Frankie’s ambiguous sexuality.) It was pretty clear to her now that he actually had a soft spot for Frankie. How? She didn’t know. She didn’t want to know.
“Well, I can’t make you throw that drink away.”
“No, you can’t.”
“I can’t make you apologise to us either.”
“I’m so glad we are on the same page.”
Frankie let out a sigh of defeat and looked at the rest of their little friend group. “I guess we have to leave now.”
This year was interesting because it made Annie see how everyone just stopped trying. Nobody was throwing tantrums and nobody was trying to stay and persuade Jeff not to drink. After hours of long talk, everyone just sort of realised it was his decision and with this decision, he managed to get them out of this part of his life. Nobody seemed to object to Frankie’s idea of leaving him, and he was putting more ice to his new drink. Britta was mumbling stuff angrily, but even she got up and went to the door. After a few “good night”s they were out on the street, trying to fit into Frankie’s car. That’s when Annie realised she couldn’t let herself do this and got out of the car.
“Annie? What exactly are you doing?”
“I have to go up and prevent him from drinking, or else I won’t be able to sleep tonight.”
Frankie tried to open her car’s window more to reach out for Annie but she failed, “Honey, you know that he will drink tomorrow, right?”
“I don’t care. I was hooked on Adderall, Frankie. I won’t let him get sunk into a false sense of relief.”
“Okay, but if he doesn’t let you in you text me and I’ll come get you.”
Annie nodded excitedly. She felt a familiar sense of rush, and she even though her guard was up she was shaking as she started to knock his door.
He opened his door as if he was expecting all of them and said, “I know Chang left his underwear in my bathroom on purpose.”
“Oh my god. That’s disgusting.”
“He is disgusting. What did you forget?”
You. She wanted to say. Well, one day, maybe. She looked around and without asking permission, made her way in. “Nothing. How do you know it’s his?”
“He sewed his name on it. Why are you here, again?” He looked so puzzled and was a little hesitant when he closed the door.
“To prevent you from drinking.” She was already picking up his (now empty) glass and his precious bottle of horrible tasting scotch whisky. “Can you show me where else you have alcohol in this house?”
He laughed and blocked her way to the kitchen. “Why would I do that? You know that only works if the other person is willing, right? Why would I give you my rather expensive bottles of fine scotch when I can easily grab the one you are holding right now and send you back home?”
“Because you will.”
“Annie, I can choose not to drink any time. I don’t need you or Frankie to babysit.”
Why were they being compared again? “We are not one and the same, you know.”
He frowned, “Huh?”
“Frankie and I. We are different people.”
He said something like, “Oh, I know” under his breath and she wanted to punch him in the face. She didn’t though. “Annie, let’s make this easier. You go home and I pinky promise I won’t drink anymore tonight.”
She put the bottle and the glass on the counter with so much velocity, she thought they would break. She was headed for the door and she was feeling sick. Pinky promise. She felt really stupid that she went up here. She actually felt beyond angry at herself for letting herself to care about him again that she was shaking.
“Annie…”
There it was. That voice of his. All soft and concerned. Good enough to fool anyone that he actually cares.
“Okay, I’m leaving.” Shit, her voice was shaking.
With his enormous big legs, he was by her at the door in a matter of seconds and he closed the door Annie half heartedly opened to leave. “You don’t have to leave.”
“You just said-“
“I know what I said. Now, I’m saying other things.”
Annie rolled her eyes (hoping her tears wouldn’t fall off now) and looked at him. “Jeff, I don’t want to-“
“But you have to. I have no control over myself I might drink the whole stash tonight!” It was obvious that he was being sarcastic but it made her smile a bit. She let go of the handle and made her way to his kitchen/living room once more. “Now, where is the alcohol?”
“I guess I don’t have to show you long as you are right here with me, come sit.”
She looked at him and saw a really tired man sitting on a couch waiting for her to come and play along or else he was going to break. So, she did go and sit next to him. It was 11 pm.
“What was your day like?” He asked, almost ironically.
“Oh you know, went to tell this guy that he was a wreck.”
He laughed, “What a productive day! What did he do?”
“He told us he wanted us to leave and that he was so tired of us.”
Did Annie mention this face? This face was everything that made Annie hope there was more to Jeff than he showed from day one. This very broken, sad face of his. It was there for a split second and if you had missed it, he would put another mask on.
“I’m sorry.”
She just nodded to that, she thought not saying anything would be the way to go since she actually felt he was sorry. A snarky “you should be” would be pointless right now. She wanted to ask him why but she was afraid of the answer. Not that she thought he would give her one but there was something about him tonight that was so vulnerable and dangerous at the same time. They sat like that for a while, he opened the TV to keep them company. She felt him getting tenser by the second like he was regretting letting her stay but she didn’t think too much about it. They laughed at couple of ridiculous tv shows and he did say once that he wanted a drink in his hand right now. She knew he didn't need her here tonight, and she knew that her efforts tonight wouldn't be enough to get him to not drink tomorrow. But she still said something like “good thing that I’m here” and he replied with a sour, “I’m glad.”
It was close to 2 am when he said, “Well, I’m gonna sleep.”
“Okay, but I need to check your bedroom first.”
He laughed at her answer and shrugged. “No need, I will be sleeping here and you will be sleeping there.”
“Oh so you are here with all the booze.”
“Come on, Annie! I’m trying to be nice here. I have only one bed in this house and I won’t let you sleep on a couch.”
“I won’t sleep then.”
He looked very saddened by her refusal and started talking coldly. “Annie, if you think I will drink anything tonight with you next door thinking I promised you something else, maybe you shouldn’t sleep.”
It was one of those times when he was being sincere and cold as ice at the same time and she didn’t want to miss the chance. “Okay, okay. Can you give me something more comfortable to sleep in, then? I presume Jeff Winger wouldn’t want anything that wasn’t his sleeping there over night.”
After he scolded her for making fun of his “one night stands” he gave her one of his extra large t-shirts and it was enough to fit like a night gown so she didn’t need anything else. He wished her a good night and she was left alone in his room, on his gigantic bed, thinking what exactly was it that she was doing here tonight?
Being in Jeff’s bed and smelling his perfume everywhere (she couldn’t help it, she just knew his smell) made her so sad that she almost decided to sleep on the floor. Why was she here? I was hooked on Adderall. That can’t be the only reason, right?
Her brain was giving her possible answers that all sounded pretty decent.
You missed him.
You are worried about him.
You “love” him.
You wanted to show yourself you could do what Frankie wouldn’t even try. You wanted to show everyone that you didn’t need to send that goddamn text message to anyone. Would they tell Britta the same thing? (If he doesn’t let you in… Huh.)
You wanted him to be okay.
You wanted to feel like yourself again.
None of those mattered right now.
Even though she wanted to get out of this house and scream and never feel for him again, Annie was glad she was here too.