rambling on
There's only a certain amount of job aplications you can make, without feeling completely worthless after not having been called back. I think I passed my limit now. I have tried everything. I have never felt like such a piece of shit. I didnt even get those jobs, that I would usually find demeaning. I mean, its not as if I randomly apply everywhere. NO. I actually apply at places that announce that they need staff. Still. I have not even gotten a call back for an interview. Today I handed in another 2 aplication forms, and I am now decided, that if I dont hear back by next wednesday, I will book flights to Germany, to go home for another 3 weeks. I dont see the point of sitting here alone, waiting for a call that wont come anymore. I want to go home. I give up.
There, Great Britain...You've done it. I will not stay here forever. This is not a temporary pissed offedness that caused this idea. NO. Its 6 months by now, that I feel different towards this place. Dont misunderstand me. I absolutely loved this place when I got here, and I still love the friends I've made here. But After Christmas I had to realize that I have trouble getting used to "these kind of people". By Easter my opinion was fixed. I realized this is not a life I want. I got quite depressed about it, and each time we went out, I drank myself senseless, and ended up crying, even on the good nights. I quit the alcohol now, but still, I feel as if there is a barrier between me and everybody else. I have no interest in the general conversations here. I am not a fan of going for drinks every night, to the same places each time. I have no interest in what is going on in this country. I hate the bureaucratic system here. I hate the bank system. I hate the non-punctuality, the non-organizedness. And most of all I hate the non-creative-ness of people here, they are all so much the same. The lifestyle that is so different to what I was raised with.
I m surprised how quick this happened. This is not uncommon for me. I absolutely hated Switzerland, except for my last year there. I thought it was because of my family. I realize now, that it wasn't their fault. My family is not here either, and still I cannot warm to this place. Though not every day is bad, quite the contrary, I just can't get used to it.
I am already counting years now. Only 2 more. Then the only questions remaining is: A new country? And if yes will a new start change it all? or: Back to Germany? Can I give it another chance? Will I finally be able to put my disgust of the "over-german-ness" behind me?
Lets see in 2 years.
There, Great Britain...You've done it. I will not stay here forever. This is not a temporary pissed offedness that caused this idea. NO. Its 6 months by now, that I feel different towards this place. Dont misunderstand me. I absolutely loved this place when I got here, and I still love the friends I've made here. But After Christmas I had to realize that I have trouble getting used to "these kind of people". By Easter my opinion was fixed. I realized this is not a life I want. I got quite depressed about it, and each time we went out, I drank myself senseless, and ended up crying, even on the good nights. I quit the alcohol now, but still, I feel as if there is a barrier between me and everybody else. I have no interest in the general conversations here. I am not a fan of going for drinks every night, to the same places each time. I have no interest in what is going on in this country. I hate the bureaucratic system here. I hate the bank system. I hate the non-punctuality, the non-organizedness. And most of all I hate the non-creative-ness of people here, they are all so much the same. The lifestyle that is so different to what I was raised with.
I m surprised how quick this happened. This is not uncommon for me. I absolutely hated Switzerland, except for my last year there. I thought it was because of my family. I realize now, that it wasn't their fault. My family is not here either, and still I cannot warm to this place. Though not every day is bad, quite the contrary, I just can't get used to it.
I am already counting years now. Only 2 more. Then the only questions remaining is: A new country? And if yes will a new start change it all? or: Back to Germany? Can I give it another chance? Will I finally be able to put my disgust of the "over-german-ness" behind me?
Lets see in 2 years.