Bi Progress
Most of the moving and shaking I did in the early 1990s was bi activism, but it's something I hardly think about these days. Part of the reason is that I've fallen quite low on the Kinsey scale, even though I definitely feel more at home in queer circles than Straightsville. But another big reason is just how bi-friendly the world I live in is, ( Read more... )
Thanks! I like it, too, particularly because of its history.
I came out as bi in 1992, when the gayandlesbian collective at uni mentioned an off-campus group called 'Love is Boundless' in their newsletter. That group turned out to be as much about what we now call polyamory as it was bisexuality, and probably about other kinds sexuality as well. I'm honestly not sure: I was 19 at the time, and I'd just found a place where I could be open about my attraction to guys, without being expected not to be attracted to women. That's all that mattered to me at the time.
That's all that mattered to a lot of the people I met there, too, and within weeks, we changed its name to the Sydney Bisexual Network. This wasn't what the group's founders had intended, but they were outvoted. Actually, I don't think they voted at all, since they worked by consensus, or some other process that seemed quite bizarre to me. A lot about those founders seemed pretty freaky to my sheltered 19-year-old self, especially mordwen, who had pointed a gun at me when I first met her, persuading me to join the campus music society. The expression on her face made me think it was best not to question the legitimacy of the gun-I wasn't that naïve!
Years passed, and I became one of the main organisers of a national bisexual conference, which attracted people from across the country. Most of them probably would've seemed freaky to me if I'd still been 19, but a lot of them were good friends by then, and I made many more, including some who I hope are reading this. (Some people came from across the Pacific as well, including poor old Fritz Klein, who wasn't prepared for an audience weary of being categorised when he presented his sexual orientation grid.
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One of the speakers was mordwen, who presented me with that shirt. This is where my recollection gets hazy, and I hope she'll jump in and correct me, but it was made by that original Love is Boundless group, and it had been worn to Mardi Gras and other significant events advancing the bi and LGBT movements.
So I wear that shirt to special queer occasions. This userpic was taken when I was part of San Francisco Pride's first poly contingent (even though it was officially part of the bi contingent), which I attended with lovers with at least three gender identities-that seemed pretty special and queer to me.
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I didn't even start identifying as "bi" until a little while after my gender identity shifted around to "androgynous".
My poly activism only extended to keeping Poly Big Fun running for a long time. At this point, I'm totally unwilling to lead anything, but I am interested in finding ways to Exercise My Creative Programming Skillz to make neat things. And if they happen to be of great benifit to the poly community, so much the better!
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And in case I haven't already made it clear, I really enjoyed Poly Big Fun! =)
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Yes, the con is in SF, but sadly the same weekend as your wedding (and my birthday). But let me know when you're swinging through town; we'll possibly still be able to arrange some kind of meet-and-greet.
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The change to Sydney Bisexual Network was a tragedy to me and always will be. It was the first of many disheartening events that eventually led to me burning out.
We did work by consensus and we had hoped that if others wanted to form Sydney Bisexual Network that they could do it elsewhere AS WELL as letting us continue with our bi/poly/trans/label-free space. Bisexual was to me and continues to be just another box - what if I don't believe there are only two genders to be attracted to?
But yes, that shirt was made by us, with the male, female and a male/female symbol all intertwined and in a way that also could be read as FF; MM; FM; MF; and TF; TM. The only combo not represented on that shirt is TT. The colours are from the bisexual flag colours. It was worn at Mardi Gras in our only appearance before being coopted by the "we want to be in a box" bisexual crowd (sorry, am I being too bitter?).
I also had some issues back then with the unenlightened behaviour of some at "munches" around male privilege and consent. I've never really talked to you about this Mik, and this probably isn't the venue. I'm going to guess you've since had some of these sorts of discussions with others and are not the 19-year-old you once were. Let's just say that I'm glad we are living in a more open society too, in which the labels are less needed and in which consent is more discussed, but that the structures and hierarchies are just as prevalent. We have not yet overthrown the system. Norrie, who was another co-founder of LIB, is right now in the middle of a legal challenge with Births, Deaths and Marriages to be able to have no assigned gender. One of the biggest queer campaigns right now is for same-sex couples to have access to a millennia-old oppressive institution whereby the State interferes in personal life, rather than a radical overthrow of the institution of marriage itself. We perpetuate the myth of the nuclear family...
Blah blah blah. Sorry we seemed freaky to you then.* Clearly we're pretty freaky still - did you ever read my Masters thesis on this stuff? But maybe we just want to move a little faster than society can handle. I'm thrilled that Obama said the B-word too. And maybe one day, we'll get over the rest of it and can throw away all the boxes. Certainly, I love the fact that there are terrific informed discussions online about ableism and heteronormativity edged with nuance and passion. This gives me hope for the next steps...
Was that the sort of gun you remembered? What idiot gave me a gun???
* Just to clarify this: I came out as bi aged 14, in 1985. I was a Marxist aged 17 and was one of the five students who organised the 100,000 school student protest in the Domain in 1988. I came out as poly in 1989. I attended the anarchist conference Beyond Social Control in 1989, aged 18. NAMBLA attended that conference - now *that* was a confronting and freaky session, intensely difficult to reconcile with an anarchist outlook. By the time you'd met me, I'd chained myself to trees in Goolengook, I'd had my wrist sprained by cops when I was blockading the AIDEX arms exhibition, I was an AIDS activist... I'm not surprised we seemed a little freaky...
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I never knew the name change was so disheartening to you, and if I knew then, half a lifetime ago, what I know now, I actually would've been on your side of that whole issue. I never really understood why we couldn't really start a new group anyhow-I think I even tried suggesting that, in that tiny terrace house in Chippendale. But I feel like arguments over semantics, and whether or not those arguments important or appropriate, can cloud issues and derail progress, so personally, I do my best not to get attached to labels, nor to not having them. (Maybe that's why I suck so badly with names.) I fully support Norrie's current quest, though. Is there a legal defence fund I can donate to?
I hope we get a chance to have those discussions about male privilege and consent some day; I suspect we agree on far more than we disagree-I can say with certainty that I'm not the 19-year-old I was then. But I try to stay in touch with his experiences and how the people around him thought, attempting to bridge the gap between that world and the world of people that commercial news media try to make a buck out of. I feel I've gotten pretty good at it, too, even though it can sometimes be extremely difficult to take a breath and feel compassion for ignorant people, or to avoid the temptation of giving up and remaining silent.
There's no need to be sorry for seeming freaky; that would be like me apologising for being socialised by an awkward mix of: sheltering, passive-aggressive parents who came to age under Nazi occupation, a high school where two-thirds of the students came right out of Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli's Love You Two, socially inept BBS geeks (as much as I still feel a connection with them) and 1980s primetime television. I actually really miss the feeling I get when I meet people who seem freaky. (I'm not sure I'm in a hurry to meet anyone from NAMBLA, though, unless the M and B are in the context used by the Black Leather Wings Toltec I recently started dating, after she was a lesbian. But they're not.)
I welcome a link to your Masters thesis, if one exists. (I'd Google for it, but after all these years I'm still not sure that I know how to spell your surname properly-in the early 90s I'd stuffed up your forename too many times to dare ask. =P )
Thanks for stopping by.
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And yeah. NAMBLA. 12-year-old boy talking about how his (adult) lover was the first person to ever show him kindness and that's why it should be okay... and I'm just sitting there thinking... oh, jeez, that may be true, but you're still being exploited and there are all these power dynamics and you're too young to have informed consent and ow my head.
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