(no subject)
I never update this thing anymore. It goes back so long, 2001. I think I was dating Andi? I made everything private so only I could see the foolishness I used to post about. When I think about myself as a 15 year old it seems like a lifetime ago, but then when I think of the things that kept me going then, it doesn't seem that far past yesterday. Marching band, drama, academic teams, boys boys boys.
I still say my biggest regret back then was letting my insecurity stop me from experiencing everything to the fullest. And maybe some of my best moments were when I didn't let it. I remember auditioning for Oklahoma, when we did the dance audition and I was up there with a bunch of guard girls. I must have looked hilarious or maybe I actually did well, I never knew, but they cheered for me and yelled my name. I think maybe because it seemed out of character for me to go all out and not care if I looked like a fool. I didn't want to half-ass it like I might normally because I didn't want anyone to notice if I jiggled, haha. That was a pretty great feeling. I felt it every time I auditioned for a new show or gave a speech. Funny how the only time I felt like I could be myself was in front of an audience.
There's no point to this, I just thought of LJ and my 1600 journal entries from the past 8 years of my life and was sad I stopped writing here.
I still say my biggest regret back then was letting my insecurity stop me from experiencing everything to the fullest. And maybe some of my best moments were when I didn't let it. I remember auditioning for Oklahoma, when we did the dance audition and I was up there with a bunch of guard girls. I must have looked hilarious or maybe I actually did well, I never knew, but they cheered for me and yelled my name. I think maybe because it seemed out of character for me to go all out and not care if I looked like a fool. I didn't want to half-ass it like I might normally because I didn't want anyone to notice if I jiggled, haha. That was a pretty great feeling. I felt it every time I auditioned for a new show or gave a speech. Funny how the only time I felt like I could be myself was in front of an audience.
There's no point to this, I just thought of LJ and my 1600 journal entries from the past 8 years of my life and was sad I stopped writing here.