(no subject)
well she's still my best friend. i'm trying to make the best of it. shes still #1 in my heart and i want her to know that. i love her so much and that kind of stuff doesnt just fade away for me. ive always told her, once a love ALWAYS a love. and its so true. ive never fallen in love with someone and then stopped. ive fell in love with 3 people and i still to this day have endless love. would do anything they needed at the drop of a dime.
but it always seems the case... that they love me more than life itself until something "better" comes along it seems.
last boyfriend...together 3 and a half years until he met someone else. the whole time we were going out he would break up with me and go out with someone else for a week and then come crawling back to me.. he did that all the time until the very last time he never came back. well... he would come back literally just for sex and then leave me there again.
stef has told me for the past 3 years that im the perfect girl for her and that no one can take my place in her heart. "There is no one like you in the world miko." and i believe that. i know theres no one in the world like me now and she helped me realize that, and i thank her for that. now she just wants to stop trying cause "we've been trying for 3 years and nothing works." and she said she knows we can be amazing best friends but we just dont work as a couple.
im so heartbroken.
and she even told me the last time i tried to beg her to take me back and give me a chance to prove to her that we can work, she tells me theres someone else. and that this other girl CONVENIENTLY just tells her that she likes her a few DAYS after we break up. and that she says she been attracted to this girl all along. and she even wanted to talk to me about her. she told me that she went out with her a long time ago when she was like 13 or 14 or something and the girl broke up with her because she read the bible and saw that youre not supposed to date the same sex. how lame right? but i tried and i tried so hard to understand, and just be there for her to talk to, & i did and i do... but its just like a boulder coming and crashing on me from outer space when shes telling me that she likes this girl. but you know what?
Honestly, i'm hoping that she will be just like my ex boyfriend.. and realize that she doesnt want her. and i'm hoping and praying so hard that this girl doesnt make her happy. because i know shes my soulmate and i am going crazy not being able to hold her or kiss her. it will turn me mad one day i know it. shes 19 so im thinking shes at that age where she wants to just go do what ever she wants, you know? I went through it and thats why we had so much trouble last year. but im hoping thats what shes going through so that in the end, she will realize, she doesnt want that. she wants me.
but for now im holding my head high, trying my best to be the best friend i can be.
i bought her a new guitar yesterday. her first REAL guitar.
as i did myself. she got an ibanez rg series gorgeous guitar and i bought her a coffin case with red inside. and i got an ibanez gio mikro but we put a little black sticker on the r and made it say miko :)
We still live together and sleep on the same bed and sometimes that is hard cause i get cold and lonely and want to cuddle under her arm like i used to but i just have to use a few more blankets instead. see, im doing good so far. she keeps telling me im the best friend shes ever had and that makes me feel good.
it feels good that i can still make her smile.
i guess i just have to wait now and see if my feelings are right and that we are meant to be or not.
either way we will be best friends no matter what i hope. im so in love with her its kind of easy to be her best friend. you know what i mean?
i must sound so selfish.
but i dont think its wrong to want to be with your soulmate. i truly beleive she's my soulmate.
her grandmother read her cards and even told her i was her soulmate. my friend nita read my cards and told me the same.
im sorry i wrote so much im just venting and im still hurting and trying to think of the good out of this. i really hope that maybe in a year i have proved myself and that we can get back together.
But in the mean time... while she is having a fling...
I want one!!!!!
Someone come give me a back rub
preferably a lady <33
but it always seems the case... that they love me more than life itself until something "better" comes along it seems.
last boyfriend...together 3 and a half years until he met someone else. the whole time we were going out he would break up with me and go out with someone else for a week and then come crawling back to me.. he did that all the time until the very last time he never came back. well... he would come back literally just for sex and then leave me there again.
stef has told me for the past 3 years that im the perfect girl for her and that no one can take my place in her heart. "There is no one like you in the world miko." and i believe that. i know theres no one in the world like me now and she helped me realize that, and i thank her for that. now she just wants to stop trying cause "we've been trying for 3 years and nothing works." and she said she knows we can be amazing best friends but we just dont work as a couple.
im so heartbroken.
and she even told me the last time i tried to beg her to take me back and give me a chance to prove to her that we can work, she tells me theres someone else. and that this other girl CONVENIENTLY just tells her that she likes her a few DAYS after we break up. and that she says she been attracted to this girl all along. and she even wanted to talk to me about her. she told me that she went out with her a long time ago when she was like 13 or 14 or something and the girl broke up with her because she read the bible and saw that youre not supposed to date the same sex. how lame right? but i tried and i tried so hard to understand, and just be there for her to talk to, & i did and i do... but its just like a boulder coming and crashing on me from outer space when shes telling me that she likes this girl. but you know what?
Honestly, i'm hoping that she will be just like my ex boyfriend.. and realize that she doesnt want her. and i'm hoping and praying so hard that this girl doesnt make her happy. because i know shes my soulmate and i am going crazy not being able to hold her or kiss her. it will turn me mad one day i know it. shes 19 so im thinking shes at that age where she wants to just go do what ever she wants, you know? I went through it and thats why we had so much trouble last year. but im hoping thats what shes going through so that in the end, she will realize, she doesnt want that. she wants me.
but for now im holding my head high, trying my best to be the best friend i can be.
i bought her a new guitar yesterday. her first REAL guitar.
as i did myself. she got an ibanez rg series gorgeous guitar and i bought her a coffin case with red inside. and i got an ibanez gio mikro but we put a little black sticker on the r and made it say miko :)
We still live together and sleep on the same bed and sometimes that is hard cause i get cold and lonely and want to cuddle under her arm like i used to but i just have to use a few more blankets instead. see, im doing good so far. she keeps telling me im the best friend shes ever had and that makes me feel good.
it feels good that i can still make her smile.
i guess i just have to wait now and see if my feelings are right and that we are meant to be or not.
either way we will be best friends no matter what i hope. im so in love with her its kind of easy to be her best friend. you know what i mean?
i must sound so selfish.
but i dont think its wrong to want to be with your soulmate. i truly beleive she's my soulmate.
her grandmother read her cards and even told her i was her soulmate. my friend nita read my cards and told me the same.
im sorry i wrote so much im just venting and im still hurting and trying to think of the good out of this. i really hope that maybe in a year i have proved myself and that we can get back together.
But in the mean time... while she is having a fling...
I want one!!!!!
Someone come give me a back rub
preferably a lady <33