[Fic] Foresight Is 20/20 - D.Gray-man, Kanda/Lavi, 12/?
See? I'm still working on it. *sweatdrops* Despite this being the week from hell, I FINALLY got the damned chapter done. And I have a vague outline of where to go from here, which makes me happy.
Title: Foresight Is 20/20
Series: D.Gray-man
Pairing: Kanda/Lavi
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: violence, angst, yaoi, swearing, the usual
Chapter length: 3852
Total length: 46,299
Forewarned may be fore-armed, but sometimes knowing in advance isn't everything it's cracked up to be.
The papers made a satisfying thumping noise as they slammed down onto Komui’s desk, assisted by the force of Kanda’s hand behind them. “Care to explain the meaning of this?” the Exorcist snarled, eyebrow twitching as he glared down at Komui.
The older man beamed up at Kanda. If the implied threat in Kanda’s words and actions bothered him, it didn’t show in the least. “Kanda-kun! Welcome back. I was just about to send out search teams. I know you prefer to work by yourself, but it would really be helpful if you’d let me know where you are so I can give you your missions.”
Kanda’s scowl deepened. He glared harder at Komui, irritated that this encounter wasn’t going the way he’d intended it to. “Never mind that,” he snapped. “What the hell is this all about?”
“Well, it would help if I had any idea what was on those papers,” Komui pointed out in an overly reasonable tone of voice. “Why don’t you lift your hand and let me take a look?”
Reluctantly Kanda stepped back and folded his arms across his chest, waiting impatiently as Komui scanned the documents. Kanda knew what was written there; he’d opened the packet and read it the moment he’d been certain he was safely away from Lavi.
Apparently Lavi had expected him to do exactly that, because the top sheet had been a note addressed to him. The fact that he was behaving predictably had irritated Kanda, but not enough to keep him from reading the rest of it. The papers were full of information about everything Lavi had learned regarding the plans of Noah’s clan and the Earl, the placement and movement of Akuma, and warnings of possible future danger to certain Exorcists and locations.
There were two things about it that Kanda didn’t understand. The first was the note that had obviously been intended for his eyes only. Shame on you for peeking, Yuu. I’m not asking you to believe any of this. But I am begging you to give it to Komui whether you believe it or not. Please.
It was the begging that got under Kanda’s skin. The former Bookman might be irreverent and casual to the point of carelessness, but he had a core of pride that matched Kanda’s own in many ways. Only twice had Kanda ever witnessed Lavi begging for anything; once when he’d pleaded with Komui to let him save Suman, and once when he’d begged Kanda to help him ‘save’ Tiedoll.
Kanda had been momentarily tempted to just crumple the packet up and throw it away, but the ‘please’ had made him reconsider. So here he was, passing it on to Komui like a good little messenger boy, wondering if they dared to trust any of it or if it was a trap from the first word to the last.
And that was the second thing that bothered Kanda. The information itself hadn’t been written in a pleading way. There were no offers of evidence, no pleas for Komui to believe him. Just simple facts, laid out in a straightforward way. More like a briefing report than a letter, actually.
Komui brightened visibly as he read. “This is wonderful!” he exclaimed. “I mean, it’s not wonderful, obviously, it’s terrible. But he’s finally managed to get information to us early enough for us to act on it. We can prevent most of what he’s warned us about, if we move quickly enough. It’s a pity he couldn’t get more information on the Earl’s plans, but I suppose we can’t ask for everything…”
Snarling, Kanda slammed both hands down on the desk this time, making Komui jump. “What do you mean, ‘finally’?” he demanded, pushed past the limits of his patience. “Don’t tell me you’re just going to swallow all that without a trace of doubt?”
Komui looked first surprised, then thoughtful. His expression then shifted to something close enough to sympathy that it made Kanda growl at him. “Why bring this to me, then, if you still doubt him so much?” Komui asked softly, raising an eyebrow at Kanda.
“Because I want some fucking answers!” Kanda snapped back. He was sorely tempted to throttle the irritating man, but he restrained himself. Barely. There was a sickening sensation in the pit of his stomach and he badly wanted to lash out at someone or something, but he couldn’t find the right target to blame. At the moment, however, Komui was rapidly becoming an appealing substitute.
"Perhaps you should ask him yourself?" Komui said. "Ah, but I suppose you wouldn't trust anything he told you, would you? Hmm. Well, he didn't say not to tell you, and he had to have seen this coming, so I suppose it can't do any harm at this point."
"Komui..." If Kanda hadn't wanted to hear this explanation so badly, he'd have stormed out of the room. Why did the man always have to be at his most frustrating when Kanda was least in the mood to deal with it? He had that trait in common with Lavi, come to think of it.
"After Lenalee finally gave up trying to convince me to allow you and Lavi to go after Suman, Lavi showed up at my office again," Komui said, his voice calm and even, his gaze steady on Kanda's. "He told me what he was planning and why, and I agreed with him that it was probably the best course of action. Having a spy inside the Ark would be - was - invaluable, and certainly more useful than him cooling his heels here. Unfortunately, this is the first time he's been able to get a report to me fast enough for me to be able to act on the information."
Kanda felt like a brick had dropped out of nowhere and smacked him in the head. "He's been under your orders the whole time," he repeated, disbelieving. And, he was a little surprised to discover, betrayed all over again. Why the hell hadn't Lavi just told him, instead of tricking Kanda into believing he'd gone to the other side? The bastard had trusted Komui the blabbermouth, but not Kanda? And then he'd let Kanda spend weeks making a fool of himself, chasing after Lavi and causing more problems for him.
Thinking of that reminded him of some of his battles with the Exorcist-turned-Noah, however, and he scowled again. He and Daisya had nearly died in Barcelona, and Lavi was the one responsible for bringing the third level there in the first place. That wasn't the last time Kanda had come close to dying when facing off against the bastard, and Lavi had only laughed in his face each time.
Of course, he had untied Kanda in the Ark, and helped Kanda disable Tyki Mikk. And delivered him back to the Order, mostly unharmed. Not to mention the fact that his Innocence had apparently accepted him back, which was the most baffling thing of all.
"Well, 'under orders' may be stretching it a bit," Komui said, watching Kanda carefully. Probably waiting to see if he was going to explode - and with good reason, Kanda thought, seething. "It would be more accurate to say he was operating with my blessing. Mine, not the Order's, mind. The Grand Generals will have my head if they ever find out about this."
"And you never thought it might be a good idea to tell me to stop chasing him from here to the end of creation?" Kanda demanded, practically vibrating with fury and humiliation... and yes, hurt. As much as he'd hated to admit it, his days of 'baby-sitting' Lavi had led him to a certain amount of respect and trust for the Noah, and that had been shattered when Lavi had turned on him. Now he was discovering it was a double betrayal, because it meant Lavi hadn't trusted him in turn.
"He specifically told me not to let you know," Komui said, his eyes sad for some reason. "Frankly, having you so obviously enraged at him was probably the best cover he could have had. Kanda..."
"Don't," Kanda snapped, not in the least wanting to hear whatever it was Komui wanted to say. It would be sympathetic, or consoling, or some other pitying emotion that Kanda absolutely did not want to deal with. "Just don't, Komui." He turned to stalk out of the room. As far as he was concerned, there was nothing more to be said.
"I need you to take that Innocence back to General Tiedoll," Komui called after him. "Kanda! Are you going to do your job, or do I have to call another Exorcist off an assignment and send him to Tiedoll?"
Pausing in the doorway, Kanda glared back over his shoulder with something close to hate in his eyes. The worst of it was, the emotion was directed more towards himself than to Komui. The other man had good reason to wonder if he could count on Kanda to actually follow orders, and not just go haring off on his own. "Fine. I'll leave in an hour."
Komui's reaction was relief, tempered with a certain amount of apprehension. "Then good luck. And Kanda, I'm..."
Kanda slammed the door behind him, not wanting to hear the rest of that sentence.
From their last reports on Tiedoll's location, the man was halfway to Asia. It would take Kanda most of a week to reach him, even travelling by train as much as possible. As he stared out the window at the passing countryside, he brooded over everything that had happened. The more he thought about it, the more he had to admit that Komui's explanation was the only one that made almost everything make sense. If Lavi had really turned on the Order, he wouldn't have saved Kanda in the Ark. His Innocence would have turned on him, and he would have Fallen.
The closer he came to accepting that as the truth, the more his mood soured. If there was one thing Kanda hated above all else, it was making an idiot of himself. And he'd been acting like a monumental fool for the past months if Lavi really was still on their side. And it was all Lavi's fault for not just telling him in the first damned place.
That was the part that rankled the most. Kanda wished he could just confront the bastard about it, get it out of his system and get the last of his questions answered. He spent the first days of his trip plotting ways that he might possibly get Lavi's attention, each more ridiculous than the last. The best thing he could come up with was picking a fight with an Akuma - or better yet, another Noah - that he couldn't win, on the theory that Lavi would see it and show up to save him.
Since the last thing Kanda wanted to do was injure his pride further by getting his ass handed to him, he didn't much like the idea. But he couldn't think of anything better. Of course, that would involve going off to find a powerful enough opponent, and not going to Tiedoll like he was supposed to. He'd already promised Komui that he would stop being an idiot and do his job, and Tiedoll needed to have that Innocence so he could find more Accommodators.
By the time he was only a day from Tiedoll's last known location, Kanda had worked himself into a thoroughly bad mood. The other passengers on the trains he was riding had stopped coming anywhere near him about two days previously, which suited him just fine.
So when he felt someone settle next to him just as the train pulled away from another station, he went stiff in his seat. There were plenty of other empty seats, which meant his new companion was probably a busybody who wanted to 'help' him. That was the last thing Kanda needed, so he refused to turn or even acknowledge the person's presence, hoping they would get the idea and go away. Maybe he could pretend he didn't speak their language. Hell, this far into Eastern Europe, he probably didn't.
There was a soft chuckle from beside him. "Geez, Yuu. Y'go to all that trouble to get my attention, and then won't even talk to me? I'm hurt."
Shock kept him in place for another few heartbeats, and then Kanda nearly gave himself whiplash turning to look at his seatmate. Sure enough a single green eye laughed at him from beneath a shock of red hair, the stark black of the eyepatch on the other side hiding what Kanda knew was a mismatching gold eye. Lavi grinned at him unrepentantly, lounging in his seat, obviously not expecting any kind of physical retaliation from Kanda.
The worst of it was that he was right, too. If Kanda had still believed that Lavi was a traitor he wouldn't have cared in the least about making a scene, but as it was he didn't want to draw any more attention than he had to. He settled for glaring furiously at the redhead, which as usual didn't dent Lavi's good humour in the least.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Kanda finally snapped, when it became apparent that Lavi wasn't going to say anything more. "I haven't done anything."
"Well, no, not yet," Lavi admitted. "But as soon as you start planning something it shows up as a possible future. Not a likely one, but there were so many variations popping up I figured I'd better come talk to you before you actually acted on one of 'em. I can't do much to save you from another Noah except warn you away from the fight ahead of time, y'know."
"Why?" Kanda burst out. Belatedly he realized Lavi might think he was asking why he couldn't be saved from a fight, and clarified. "Why did you do it? Why the fuck didn't you just tell me? Did you think I wouldn't believe you? Did you just enjoy watching me make an idiot of myself?"
Lavi's smile turned crooked, a sort of ironic quirk that managed to indicate sorrow at the same time. "Yuu, there are a lot of things about you that I respect and admire. Your acting ability ain't one of 'em."
He stopped there, as if that should have explained everything. Kanda shook his head, frustrated. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
Lavi sighed, and the smile faded entirely. Once again he looked tired - the sort of exhaustion that reaches all the way to your soul. "I knew the Noah would be checking up on me, and if there had been even a tiny doubt that I had really turned against the Order, they'd have just killed me. I had to betray you for the same reason I had to steal that Innocence from Tiedoll and destroy it. I had to convince them. Believe me, I spent that whole damned night trying to find a way to pull it off without actually breaking your trust, but I told you the truth when I said I couldn't do it without your help."
"And now?"
"Now it doesn't matter." Lavi shrugged. "They already know I'm a spy, thanks to that stunt Tyki pulled kidnapping you. I should've just killed you. I was so damned close to finding out exactly what the Earl is planning with all this shit. It wouldn't even have been the first time I had to let an Exorcist die to keep my cover, just the first time I had to do it myself."
"So why didn't you, if it was such a smart thing to do?" Kanda demanded, eyes narrowed. "You didn't hesitate to set that fucking third level on us in Barcelona, how is that any different?"
"I did that to keep Suman from Falling," Lavi countered, which didn't make any sense whatsoever to Kanda. Suman hadn't been anywhere near Barcelona, as far as he knew. Seeing the incomprehension in his eyes, Lavi made an irritated noise. "Are you gonna make me go over every step I've made and explain how it all interconnects? Because it gets real damned complicated, real fast. Bringing that third level to Barcelona saved Suman, Kazana, and Chakkar, and had fifty-fifty odds of keeping Daisya alive as well. Why else would I have used Daisya's golem to tell you he was in trouble?"
"To taunt me," Kanda growled, still not sure he was buying this. "And you haven't answered my question. Obviously I'm expendable as far as you're concerned. So why break cover to save me?"
"Because you're not expendable, all right?" Lavi snapped back, looking deeply upset in a way Kanda had never seen from him before. It looked like something close to grief. "Not you, not Allen, not Lenalee. Not Bookman, for that matter. Anyone else I can sacrifice if I have to, but not you. Not if I had to do it myself."
That startled Kanda. The others he could understand - they were the people who had worked most closely with Lavi, and presumably whom Lavi cared about most. But he was surprised to find himself included.
Lavi's gaze was knowing, and Kanda found himself inexplicably flushing. "Yeah, you're on the list too, Yuu," the redhead said quietly. "Maybe before the time we spent stuck together at HQ you wouldn't have been, but you are now. It's funny, y'know? My whole life I've been training to be objective, to be able to keep myself apart from people and not let emotions interfere with my records. And that training let me make the hard choices, kept me sane when I had to make sacrifices for the greater good.
"Problem is, it also gives Noah an easy way in," he continued, and Kanda could see an echo of deep pain in his eyes. "I've had to let myself start to care, and care a lot, because that's the only way I can hold him off. If I'd killed you on the Ark it wouldn't have accomplished anything but turning me into one of them for real, because the only way I could've done it was to let Noah take over completely."
They sat in silence for long moments as Kanda digested all of that. It seemed odd for Lavi to just stay quiet like that; before all this had started, he'd have been chattering his head off, teasing Kanda and poking at him, playing with his hair just to piss him off. Since Noah had manifested, Lavi had changed a great deal, and once he got past his sense of betrayal Kanda had to admit he preferred the new Lavi.
"So now what?" he finally asked, not sure what else to say.
"Now you get your ass to Tiedoll, get that Innocence back to him, and help Daisya and Noise protect him from the Noah that's tracking him," Lavi replied promptly. "And I go back to hiding from my darling brothers and sisters, doing what I can to keep the Earl from winning, and hold Noah off as long as possible. And, if I'm very lucky, I'll be able to send my reports to Komui through you, so they'll actually get somewhere in time for somebody to do something about them."
The last might have been phrased as a statement, but it was clearly a question. Stiffly Kanda nodded, and Lavi visibly relaxed. Only then did Kanda realize just how tense the other man had been, the strain clear in the line of his shoulders and the tightness of his expression, despite his carefully casual posture.
"All right, then. We've got a chance of winning this fucking thing yet." Lavi smiled again. "I told you, I won't be on the losing side. I just didn't mean it quite the way you thought I did."
He stood, and Kanda saw that he was carrying his hammer in its sheath on his leg again. He looked so familiar, standing there, perfectly human and grinning as if nothing had changed. Yet he was out of uniform, and there were other subtle differences like the lines of pain and stress forming around his mouth and eyes. And, of course, the golden eye that Kanda knew was beneath the eyepatch.
"See you around, Yuu," Lavi said, giving him a wave. "Try not to get ki..."
He broke off and staggered abruptly, grabbing at the back of the seat to try to keep his balance, one hand pressed to his eye - the covered one. "Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck," he muttered, sounding pained.
Kanda was half out of his seat, steadying and supporting the other man, before he realized what he was doing. When his brain caught up to his reflexes he grunted in irritation at himself, but there was no point in dropping Lavi now. He helped the redhead sit again, glaring at the other passengers until everyone suddenly found something much more interesting to occupy them.
"What did you see?" he asked as he turned his attention back to Lavi. The Noah had turned pale and was sweating, his visible eye wide with something like shock. There was no doubt in Kanda's mind that he'd just had another disturbing vision.
"Suman," Lavi whispered, anguished. "God damn it! The vision of him Falling is back. He's still going to run into Tyki somewhere. Soon as you get to a phone you can hook your golem into, tell Komui he's gotta get Suman the hell out of the field. I don't care how important what he's doing is, we can't risk him."
"I will," Kanda promised grimly. They couldn't afford to lose Suman now any more than before, and if what Lavi had seen last time was still true, Suman's betrayal would result in the deaths of many more Exorcists.
Taking a deep breath, Lavi stood again. He was still pale and a little unsteady, but obviously in control of himself once more. "I gotta go, if I'm gonna find a way to head Tyki off. Catch up with Tiedoll as soon as you can, it's important."
"Where the hell are you going? We're still miles from the next stop," Kanda said, puzzled.
Lavi gave him a grin that wasn't quite up to his normal standard, but it came close. "I got better ways to travel these days. They'll pick me up off the end of the train. Take care, Yuu. I need you in one piece for a good long time yet."
Watching him walk away, Kanda still wasn't sure anything had been settled. He was convinced - mostly - of Lavi's sincerity now, but there was still something bothering him, deep down. He just wasn't sure what the hell it was.
Turning to glare out the window again, he caught a flash of something metallic to one side and behind. It was gone an instant later, probably taking Lavi with it. Sighing, Kanda settled in to brood some more. Surely if he just thought about it long enough, the world would start to make sense again.
Surely.
Title: Foresight Is 20/20
Series: D.Gray-man
Pairing: Kanda/Lavi
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: violence, angst, yaoi, swearing, the usual
Chapter length: 3852
Total length: 46,299
Forewarned may be fore-armed, but sometimes knowing in advance isn't everything it's cracked up to be.
The papers made a satisfying thumping noise as they slammed down onto Komui’s desk, assisted by the force of Kanda’s hand behind them. “Care to explain the meaning of this?” the Exorcist snarled, eyebrow twitching as he glared down at Komui.
The older man beamed up at Kanda. If the implied threat in Kanda’s words and actions bothered him, it didn’t show in the least. “Kanda-kun! Welcome back. I was just about to send out search teams. I know you prefer to work by yourself, but it would really be helpful if you’d let me know where you are so I can give you your missions.”
Kanda’s scowl deepened. He glared harder at Komui, irritated that this encounter wasn’t going the way he’d intended it to. “Never mind that,” he snapped. “What the hell is this all about?”
“Well, it would help if I had any idea what was on those papers,” Komui pointed out in an overly reasonable tone of voice. “Why don’t you lift your hand and let me take a look?”
Reluctantly Kanda stepped back and folded his arms across his chest, waiting impatiently as Komui scanned the documents. Kanda knew what was written there; he’d opened the packet and read it the moment he’d been certain he was safely away from Lavi.
Apparently Lavi had expected him to do exactly that, because the top sheet had been a note addressed to him. The fact that he was behaving predictably had irritated Kanda, but not enough to keep him from reading the rest of it. The papers were full of information about everything Lavi had learned regarding the plans of Noah’s clan and the Earl, the placement and movement of Akuma, and warnings of possible future danger to certain Exorcists and locations.
There were two things about it that Kanda didn’t understand. The first was the note that had obviously been intended for his eyes only. Shame on you for peeking, Yuu. I’m not asking you to believe any of this. But I am begging you to give it to Komui whether you believe it or not. Please.
It was the begging that got under Kanda’s skin. The former Bookman might be irreverent and casual to the point of carelessness, but he had a core of pride that matched Kanda’s own in many ways. Only twice had Kanda ever witnessed Lavi begging for anything; once when he’d pleaded with Komui to let him save Suman, and once when he’d begged Kanda to help him ‘save’ Tiedoll.
Kanda had been momentarily tempted to just crumple the packet up and throw it away, but the ‘please’ had made him reconsider. So here he was, passing it on to Komui like a good little messenger boy, wondering if they dared to trust any of it or if it was a trap from the first word to the last.
And that was the second thing that bothered Kanda. The information itself hadn’t been written in a pleading way. There were no offers of evidence, no pleas for Komui to believe him. Just simple facts, laid out in a straightforward way. More like a briefing report than a letter, actually.
Komui brightened visibly as he read. “This is wonderful!” he exclaimed. “I mean, it’s not wonderful, obviously, it’s terrible. But he’s finally managed to get information to us early enough for us to act on it. We can prevent most of what he’s warned us about, if we move quickly enough. It’s a pity he couldn’t get more information on the Earl’s plans, but I suppose we can’t ask for everything…”
Snarling, Kanda slammed both hands down on the desk this time, making Komui jump. “What do you mean, ‘finally’?” he demanded, pushed past the limits of his patience. “Don’t tell me you’re just going to swallow all that without a trace of doubt?”
Komui looked first surprised, then thoughtful. His expression then shifted to something close enough to sympathy that it made Kanda growl at him. “Why bring this to me, then, if you still doubt him so much?” Komui asked softly, raising an eyebrow at Kanda.
“Because I want some fucking answers!” Kanda snapped back. He was sorely tempted to throttle the irritating man, but he restrained himself. Barely. There was a sickening sensation in the pit of his stomach and he badly wanted to lash out at someone or something, but he couldn’t find the right target to blame. At the moment, however, Komui was rapidly becoming an appealing substitute.
"Perhaps you should ask him yourself?" Komui said. "Ah, but I suppose you wouldn't trust anything he told you, would you? Hmm. Well, he didn't say not to tell you, and he had to have seen this coming, so I suppose it can't do any harm at this point."
"Komui..." If Kanda hadn't wanted to hear this explanation so badly, he'd have stormed out of the room. Why did the man always have to be at his most frustrating when Kanda was least in the mood to deal with it? He had that trait in common with Lavi, come to think of it.
"After Lenalee finally gave up trying to convince me to allow you and Lavi to go after Suman, Lavi showed up at my office again," Komui said, his voice calm and even, his gaze steady on Kanda's. "He told me what he was planning and why, and I agreed with him that it was probably the best course of action. Having a spy inside the Ark would be - was - invaluable, and certainly more useful than him cooling his heels here. Unfortunately, this is the first time he's been able to get a report to me fast enough for me to be able to act on the information."
Kanda felt like a brick had dropped out of nowhere and smacked him in the head. "He's been under your orders the whole time," he repeated, disbelieving. And, he was a little surprised to discover, betrayed all over again. Why the hell hadn't Lavi just told him, instead of tricking Kanda into believing he'd gone to the other side? The bastard had trusted Komui the blabbermouth, but not Kanda? And then he'd let Kanda spend weeks making a fool of himself, chasing after Lavi and causing more problems for him.
Thinking of that reminded him of some of his battles with the Exorcist-turned-Noah, however, and he scowled again. He and Daisya had nearly died in Barcelona, and Lavi was the one responsible for bringing the third level there in the first place. That wasn't the last time Kanda had come close to dying when facing off against the bastard, and Lavi had only laughed in his face each time.
Of course, he had untied Kanda in the Ark, and helped Kanda disable Tyki Mikk. And delivered him back to the Order, mostly unharmed. Not to mention the fact that his Innocence had apparently accepted him back, which was the most baffling thing of all.
"Well, 'under orders' may be stretching it a bit," Komui said, watching Kanda carefully. Probably waiting to see if he was going to explode - and with good reason, Kanda thought, seething. "It would be more accurate to say he was operating with my blessing. Mine, not the Order's, mind. The Grand Generals will have my head if they ever find out about this."
"And you never thought it might be a good idea to tell me to stop chasing him from here to the end of creation?" Kanda demanded, practically vibrating with fury and humiliation... and yes, hurt. As much as he'd hated to admit it, his days of 'baby-sitting' Lavi had led him to a certain amount of respect and trust for the Noah, and that had been shattered when Lavi had turned on him. Now he was discovering it was a double betrayal, because it meant Lavi hadn't trusted him in turn.
"He specifically told me not to let you know," Komui said, his eyes sad for some reason. "Frankly, having you so obviously enraged at him was probably the best cover he could have had. Kanda..."
"Don't," Kanda snapped, not in the least wanting to hear whatever it was Komui wanted to say. It would be sympathetic, or consoling, or some other pitying emotion that Kanda absolutely did not want to deal with. "Just don't, Komui." He turned to stalk out of the room. As far as he was concerned, there was nothing more to be said.
"I need you to take that Innocence back to General Tiedoll," Komui called after him. "Kanda! Are you going to do your job, or do I have to call another Exorcist off an assignment and send him to Tiedoll?"
Pausing in the doorway, Kanda glared back over his shoulder with something close to hate in his eyes. The worst of it was, the emotion was directed more towards himself than to Komui. The other man had good reason to wonder if he could count on Kanda to actually follow orders, and not just go haring off on his own. "Fine. I'll leave in an hour."
Komui's reaction was relief, tempered with a certain amount of apprehension. "Then good luck. And Kanda, I'm..."
Kanda slammed the door behind him, not wanting to hear the rest of that sentence.
From their last reports on Tiedoll's location, the man was halfway to Asia. It would take Kanda most of a week to reach him, even travelling by train as much as possible. As he stared out the window at the passing countryside, he brooded over everything that had happened. The more he thought about it, the more he had to admit that Komui's explanation was the only one that made almost everything make sense. If Lavi had really turned on the Order, he wouldn't have saved Kanda in the Ark. His Innocence would have turned on him, and he would have Fallen.
The closer he came to accepting that as the truth, the more his mood soured. If there was one thing Kanda hated above all else, it was making an idiot of himself. And he'd been acting like a monumental fool for the past months if Lavi really was still on their side. And it was all Lavi's fault for not just telling him in the first damned place.
That was the part that rankled the most. Kanda wished he could just confront the bastard about it, get it out of his system and get the last of his questions answered. He spent the first days of his trip plotting ways that he might possibly get Lavi's attention, each more ridiculous than the last. The best thing he could come up with was picking a fight with an Akuma - or better yet, another Noah - that he couldn't win, on the theory that Lavi would see it and show up to save him.
Since the last thing Kanda wanted to do was injure his pride further by getting his ass handed to him, he didn't much like the idea. But he couldn't think of anything better. Of course, that would involve going off to find a powerful enough opponent, and not going to Tiedoll like he was supposed to. He'd already promised Komui that he would stop being an idiot and do his job, and Tiedoll needed to have that Innocence so he could find more Accommodators.
By the time he was only a day from Tiedoll's last known location, Kanda had worked himself into a thoroughly bad mood. The other passengers on the trains he was riding had stopped coming anywhere near him about two days previously, which suited him just fine.
So when he felt someone settle next to him just as the train pulled away from another station, he went stiff in his seat. There were plenty of other empty seats, which meant his new companion was probably a busybody who wanted to 'help' him. That was the last thing Kanda needed, so he refused to turn or even acknowledge the person's presence, hoping they would get the idea and go away. Maybe he could pretend he didn't speak their language. Hell, this far into Eastern Europe, he probably didn't.
There was a soft chuckle from beside him. "Geez, Yuu. Y'go to all that trouble to get my attention, and then won't even talk to me? I'm hurt."
Shock kept him in place for another few heartbeats, and then Kanda nearly gave himself whiplash turning to look at his seatmate. Sure enough a single green eye laughed at him from beneath a shock of red hair, the stark black of the eyepatch on the other side hiding what Kanda knew was a mismatching gold eye. Lavi grinned at him unrepentantly, lounging in his seat, obviously not expecting any kind of physical retaliation from Kanda.
The worst of it was that he was right, too. If Kanda had still believed that Lavi was a traitor he wouldn't have cared in the least about making a scene, but as it was he didn't want to draw any more attention than he had to. He settled for glaring furiously at the redhead, which as usual didn't dent Lavi's good humour in the least.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Kanda finally snapped, when it became apparent that Lavi wasn't going to say anything more. "I haven't done anything."
"Well, no, not yet," Lavi admitted. "But as soon as you start planning something it shows up as a possible future. Not a likely one, but there were so many variations popping up I figured I'd better come talk to you before you actually acted on one of 'em. I can't do much to save you from another Noah except warn you away from the fight ahead of time, y'know."
"Why?" Kanda burst out. Belatedly he realized Lavi might think he was asking why he couldn't be saved from a fight, and clarified. "Why did you do it? Why the fuck didn't you just tell me? Did you think I wouldn't believe you? Did you just enjoy watching me make an idiot of myself?"
Lavi's smile turned crooked, a sort of ironic quirk that managed to indicate sorrow at the same time. "Yuu, there are a lot of things about you that I respect and admire. Your acting ability ain't one of 'em."
He stopped there, as if that should have explained everything. Kanda shook his head, frustrated. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
Lavi sighed, and the smile faded entirely. Once again he looked tired - the sort of exhaustion that reaches all the way to your soul. "I knew the Noah would be checking up on me, and if there had been even a tiny doubt that I had really turned against the Order, they'd have just killed me. I had to betray you for the same reason I had to steal that Innocence from Tiedoll and destroy it. I had to convince them. Believe me, I spent that whole damned night trying to find a way to pull it off without actually breaking your trust, but I told you the truth when I said I couldn't do it without your help."
"And now?"
"Now it doesn't matter." Lavi shrugged. "They already know I'm a spy, thanks to that stunt Tyki pulled kidnapping you. I should've just killed you. I was so damned close to finding out exactly what the Earl is planning with all this shit. It wouldn't even have been the first time I had to let an Exorcist die to keep my cover, just the first time I had to do it myself."
"So why didn't you, if it was such a smart thing to do?" Kanda demanded, eyes narrowed. "You didn't hesitate to set that fucking third level on us in Barcelona, how is that any different?"
"I did that to keep Suman from Falling," Lavi countered, which didn't make any sense whatsoever to Kanda. Suman hadn't been anywhere near Barcelona, as far as he knew. Seeing the incomprehension in his eyes, Lavi made an irritated noise. "Are you gonna make me go over every step I've made and explain how it all interconnects? Because it gets real damned complicated, real fast. Bringing that third level to Barcelona saved Suman, Kazana, and Chakkar, and had fifty-fifty odds of keeping Daisya alive as well. Why else would I have used Daisya's golem to tell you he was in trouble?"
"To taunt me," Kanda growled, still not sure he was buying this. "And you haven't answered my question. Obviously I'm expendable as far as you're concerned. So why break cover to save me?"
"Because you're not expendable, all right?" Lavi snapped back, looking deeply upset in a way Kanda had never seen from him before. It looked like something close to grief. "Not you, not Allen, not Lenalee. Not Bookman, for that matter. Anyone else I can sacrifice if I have to, but not you. Not if I had to do it myself."
That startled Kanda. The others he could understand - they were the people who had worked most closely with Lavi, and presumably whom Lavi cared about most. But he was surprised to find himself included.
Lavi's gaze was knowing, and Kanda found himself inexplicably flushing. "Yeah, you're on the list too, Yuu," the redhead said quietly. "Maybe before the time we spent stuck together at HQ you wouldn't have been, but you are now. It's funny, y'know? My whole life I've been training to be objective, to be able to keep myself apart from people and not let emotions interfere with my records. And that training let me make the hard choices, kept me sane when I had to make sacrifices for the greater good.
"Problem is, it also gives Noah an easy way in," he continued, and Kanda could see an echo of deep pain in his eyes. "I've had to let myself start to care, and care a lot, because that's the only way I can hold him off. If I'd killed you on the Ark it wouldn't have accomplished anything but turning me into one of them for real, because the only way I could've done it was to let Noah take over completely."
They sat in silence for long moments as Kanda digested all of that. It seemed odd for Lavi to just stay quiet like that; before all this had started, he'd have been chattering his head off, teasing Kanda and poking at him, playing with his hair just to piss him off. Since Noah had manifested, Lavi had changed a great deal, and once he got past his sense of betrayal Kanda had to admit he preferred the new Lavi.
"So now what?" he finally asked, not sure what else to say.
"Now you get your ass to Tiedoll, get that Innocence back to him, and help Daisya and Noise protect him from the Noah that's tracking him," Lavi replied promptly. "And I go back to hiding from my darling brothers and sisters, doing what I can to keep the Earl from winning, and hold Noah off as long as possible. And, if I'm very lucky, I'll be able to send my reports to Komui through you, so they'll actually get somewhere in time for somebody to do something about them."
The last might have been phrased as a statement, but it was clearly a question. Stiffly Kanda nodded, and Lavi visibly relaxed. Only then did Kanda realize just how tense the other man had been, the strain clear in the line of his shoulders and the tightness of his expression, despite his carefully casual posture.
"All right, then. We've got a chance of winning this fucking thing yet." Lavi smiled again. "I told you, I won't be on the losing side. I just didn't mean it quite the way you thought I did."
He stood, and Kanda saw that he was carrying his hammer in its sheath on his leg again. He looked so familiar, standing there, perfectly human and grinning as if nothing had changed. Yet he was out of uniform, and there were other subtle differences like the lines of pain and stress forming around his mouth and eyes. And, of course, the golden eye that Kanda knew was beneath the eyepatch.
"See you around, Yuu," Lavi said, giving him a wave. "Try not to get ki..."
He broke off and staggered abruptly, grabbing at the back of the seat to try to keep his balance, one hand pressed to his eye - the covered one. "Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck," he muttered, sounding pained.
Kanda was half out of his seat, steadying and supporting the other man, before he realized what he was doing. When his brain caught up to his reflexes he grunted in irritation at himself, but there was no point in dropping Lavi now. He helped the redhead sit again, glaring at the other passengers until everyone suddenly found something much more interesting to occupy them.
"What did you see?" he asked as he turned his attention back to Lavi. The Noah had turned pale and was sweating, his visible eye wide with something like shock. There was no doubt in Kanda's mind that he'd just had another disturbing vision.
"Suman," Lavi whispered, anguished. "God damn it! The vision of him Falling is back. He's still going to run into Tyki somewhere. Soon as you get to a phone you can hook your golem into, tell Komui he's gotta get Suman the hell out of the field. I don't care how important what he's doing is, we can't risk him."
"I will," Kanda promised grimly. They couldn't afford to lose Suman now any more than before, and if what Lavi had seen last time was still true, Suman's betrayal would result in the deaths of many more Exorcists.
Taking a deep breath, Lavi stood again. He was still pale and a little unsteady, but obviously in control of himself once more. "I gotta go, if I'm gonna find a way to head Tyki off. Catch up with Tiedoll as soon as you can, it's important."
"Where the hell are you going? We're still miles from the next stop," Kanda said, puzzled.
Lavi gave him a grin that wasn't quite up to his normal standard, but it came close. "I got better ways to travel these days. They'll pick me up off the end of the train. Take care, Yuu. I need you in one piece for a good long time yet."
Watching him walk away, Kanda still wasn't sure anything had been settled. He was convinced - mostly - of Lavi's sincerity now, but there was still something bothering him, deep down. He just wasn't sure what the hell it was.
Turning to glare out the window again, he caught a flash of something metallic to one side and behind. It was gone an instant later, probably taking Lavi with it. Sighing, Kanda settled in to brood some more. Surely if he just thought about it long enough, the world would start to make sense again.
Surely.