Walk-Out
I started watching LOST a few nights ago. I rang in the New Year with it and no liquor. I'm becoming very low key in my later twenties. I liked Walk-About with Locke getting up and being freed to walk after being imprisoned in his wheelchair for 4 years.
I have bad feelings about this year so far. DEATH card keeps playing in my head as a possibility. I don't want to die when I've hardly lived at all.
My best friend wants to go to a psychic. That prospect scares me she wants me to come along.
New Years Day my aunt sprained her ankle bad. I haven't been over there to help. I'm becoming very selfish about being every one else's caretaker. Sarah I can hardly handle anymore. Charles, I just want him to do whatever he wants. I have no romantic feelings for him anymore. I wish he would cut the feigning suicide act and just date some guys and get his fears that he's going to hell out of his system. And leave me out of it. None of us are going to hell for who we love unless it's a personal hell here on earth.
I've been thinking about Walking Out again. Taking every shred of money I have and going somewhere else. Dad and I got in a bad fight 3 weeks ago. I stormed out and didn't sleep at home. He treats me with hatred and I hate back. I'm sick of having emotions burst out that he can have, but I can't.
I'm sick of being fat, dumb and lazy. Not having a steady job after 5 months of looking sucks. And I'll keep looking. But it sucks.
Two other things. 1.) Violet wants to see me. I don't know how I feel about that. It's really strange. I had this dream a few years ago where we'd be together when she was dying. She might be dying now. She might have a brain tumor. And she doesn't know. Her family's keeping it underwraps. She wants to see me and Sarah. Since Sarah will be there it should be fine. But, I'm frustrated And 2.) I gave James a ride to the T last week. He didn't say bye. Suddenly, he's madly in love with me all over again. Haha. He's crazy!! I won't deny there's always been a spark between us for 12 plus years, but it's been 11 years since we've been officially together and I don't want to play the kind of games we played as teenagers as twenty seven year olds. And, oh yeah on Friday night I had a dream about him and I too. It was bad. It was just the way things always were. He just wanted sex and I wanted a real relationship. I booted him out and he wouldn't let me kiss him. He looked good the other day, but it felt strange. I knew there was going to be a problem when he said thank you, but not bye. So two relational dilemmas and no quick right answers.
And oh yeah, this friend of mine Wes, who I have always clicked with, I just found out his middle name is Khristopher. He might be the Chris I'm waiting for. HAHA. It would be funny if he was. He's dated a few of my friends and I'm really not his type.
So, I'm all over the place thinking about these crazy happenings and premonitions.
I have bad feelings about this year so far. DEATH card keeps playing in my head as a possibility. I don't want to die when I've hardly lived at all.
My best friend wants to go to a psychic. That prospect scares me she wants me to come along.
New Years Day my aunt sprained her ankle bad. I haven't been over there to help. I'm becoming very selfish about being every one else's caretaker. Sarah I can hardly handle anymore. Charles, I just want him to do whatever he wants. I have no romantic feelings for him anymore. I wish he would cut the feigning suicide act and just date some guys and get his fears that he's going to hell out of his system. And leave me out of it. None of us are going to hell for who we love unless it's a personal hell here on earth.
I've been thinking about Walking Out again. Taking every shred of money I have and going somewhere else. Dad and I got in a bad fight 3 weeks ago. I stormed out and didn't sleep at home. He treats me with hatred and I hate back. I'm sick of having emotions burst out that he can have, but I can't.
I'm sick of being fat, dumb and lazy. Not having a steady job after 5 months of looking sucks. And I'll keep looking. But it sucks.
Two other things. 1.) Violet wants to see me. I don't know how I feel about that. It's really strange. I had this dream a few years ago where we'd be together when she was dying. She might be dying now. She might have a brain tumor. And she doesn't know. Her family's keeping it underwraps. She wants to see me and Sarah. Since Sarah will be there it should be fine. But, I'm frustrated And 2.) I gave James a ride to the T last week. He didn't say bye. Suddenly, he's madly in love with me all over again. Haha. He's crazy!! I won't deny there's always been a spark between us for 12 plus years, but it's been 11 years since we've been officially together and I don't want to play the kind of games we played as teenagers as twenty seven year olds. And, oh yeah on Friday night I had a dream about him and I too. It was bad. It was just the way things always were. He just wanted sex and I wanted a real relationship. I booted him out and he wouldn't let me kiss him. He looked good the other day, but it felt strange. I knew there was going to be a problem when he said thank you, but not bye. So two relational dilemmas and no quick right answers.
And oh yeah, this friend of mine Wes, who I have always clicked with, I just found out his middle name is Khristopher. He might be the Chris I'm waiting for. HAHA. It would be funny if he was. He's dated a few of my friends and I'm really not his type.
So, I'm all over the place thinking about these crazy happenings and premonitions.