(no subject)

[mikeyissexy]

So, I've been in a pretty weird mood the past couple of days...the only person who has really seen it is Charlotte...most people only see my feigned happiness...I've been quite complacent and mellow since the whole Lauren situation...It shouldn't have hurt this much....I should have gotten over it so easily but alas, I can't...I got my hopes up about having a real relationship...something I haven't had in quite sometime...something I miss greatly...The whole Trisha deal didn't help either...I thought "Well, the Lauren thing was a fluke...I shouldn't have gotten excited about it...I think I could have something real with Trisha...I had such the crush on her back in the day"...So we hung out a couple of times and it was a blast the first time and after that it kind of went downhill...and i haven't talked to her for a couple of days and it sucks...and Lauren is still wanting to hang out and I don't know how i'm going to deal with that...I don't know how i'm going to be able to sit there and act like the entire situation never happened...theres also the fact that I haven't led on to her at all that i'm still hurting...or the fact that i was even hurt at all...Rachel tried to help but it didn't work to well...I know Lauren didn't mean to lead me on...She didn't mean to get my hopes up and crush them...but thats what happened...I'm tired of getting led on...it happens so much and it hurts more and more each time...I swear to god...I think I have a fucking sign on my back that says..."Please Lead me on as much as possible...I love it"...I just want someone who wants a relationship...I just want a relationship more than anything...I know that sounds so weird coming from a guy that has a reputation like mine...or even a guy in general...but thats how i feel...I just someone to be my someone and to be someone's someone...

-The Lonely Jesus