(no subject)
i wonder what youre doing and i wonder how you are...but the more i think about it...the more it makes me sick....maybe because its your not even thinking about me...thats what hurts me the most.
i drive around late out night down route 50 east with no particular agenda other than getting away from the city.i like the quiet i guess...the blinking traffic lights with no one at them...the way the deer run the roads under the cover of darkness as i blow by at 45...none the wiser.i always had this wonderful notion of my head of being some well coifed urban sophisticate townie going to bars when i got off work much like the rest of the population in the industry getting discernably good and wasted and going back into work the following morning to start my monday all over again...trading war stories with the line cookies from other restaurants...screwing underage waitstaff...long days off pulling prep sheets and deliveries...talking to the owners and staff about menu concepts and new items... all kinds of other fun shit being me entails... club openings...hip hop & hardcore shows late night dance parties with girls i only know as "amber" "molly" and later snorting enough coke to kill 3 hookers off of their asses and the like...blah blah...shit you see on sitcoms and late night tv dramas.
thats not my life...
frankly,
im pretty boring...tired...and over all faithless in people in general....so...all i ever really want to do is park my ass on my couch with a bottle of pinot grigio with some antiquated cook book from escoffier or kunz and pass out watching no reservations and marathons of l.a ink with my dick in my hand.
i spend my days off sleeping late...washing my clothes and car...cleaning my apartment...dicking around with vera enjoying our late night shopping tyrades and drives through the ohio country side....visiting my mother and awkward brother....running into "old friends" which is always well...awkward....playing hockey and watching the food network in between episodes of "this american life" and " a prairie home companion" on my itunes podcasts...ill tinker in my kitchen with my knives and skillets making something id rather feed to someone else....sadly that someone else is gone...in a far away land known only as UK....with me in the back of her head only as a distant memory of things not to look for in a potential boyfriend.im not sad about it...but i think about it frequently.
the time has come for me to move forward...again theres not much that keeps me here other than a few close friends and some family...she is what made me continually put up with this nuisance of a third rate city....well...im fucking tired of it...i wanna work in "the bigs" with all those other assholes who have demo shows on the food network and day time tv those assholes with books under their belt...i wouldnt mind making my bones in some shithole restaurant in rogers park...midtown manhattan...shit even back in minneapolis at some 2 star sushi hole with "cheap sushi"....so...thats what im gonna go do.
but then i take a drive...breathe in the toxic carbons that flood my menthol 100's...and relax for a second...its not so fucking bad....for now.
sooner or later its the end thatll make a mess of me....that long faithful goodbye to whomever trying hard to explain to them that ill be back to visit...but i wont be...
im already long gone...
the sad part is ive isolated myself so much that everyone is too fucking clueless to notice it.
so this is my preemptive strike
...ive wasted almost two years in this hole trying to prove myself...and ive done so...IM ZAGAT FUCKING RATED...IN USA TODAY...CIN WEEKLY...blah blah blah...IM IMPORTANT
so its time for me to blow this popsicle stand in search of something more suitable for my hipster upscale wanna be lifestyle....whatever i wanna be is entirely up to me...but ill tell you this i dont wanna be in cincinnati for the rest of my natural life making soba noodles and mongolian beef for retirees or pushing reheated caccitore through a window with a bunch of aging high school drop out waitstaff....i dont wanna be some fucking waif wandering around clifton or northside hawking "organic" vegetables...i dont wanna be that surly bartender i see every night pissed off because i didnt "go west young man" or what have you...because im more than capable of blowing the fucking doors off any given spot in the city...those who choose to be miserable...shall remain that way...and i my friends...have been miserable for far too long.
i refuse to let the days pass me by here...its not a bad place...its just not for me anymore.
i drive around late out night down route 50 east with no particular agenda other than getting away from the city.i like the quiet i guess...the blinking traffic lights with no one at them...the way the deer run the roads under the cover of darkness as i blow by at 45...none the wiser.i always had this wonderful notion of my head of being some well coifed urban sophisticate townie going to bars when i got off work much like the rest of the population in the industry getting discernably good and wasted and going back into work the following morning to start my monday all over again...trading war stories with the line cookies from other restaurants...screwing underage waitstaff...long days off pulling prep sheets and deliveries...talking to the owners and staff about menu concepts and new items... all kinds of other fun shit being me entails... club openings...hip hop & hardcore shows late night dance parties with girls i only know as "amber" "molly" and later snorting enough coke to kill 3 hookers off of their asses and the like...blah blah...shit you see on sitcoms and late night tv dramas.
thats not my life...
frankly,
im pretty boring...tired...and over all faithless in people in general....so...all i ever really want to do is park my ass on my couch with a bottle of pinot grigio with some antiquated cook book from escoffier or kunz and pass out watching no reservations and marathons of l.a ink with my dick in my hand.
i spend my days off sleeping late...washing my clothes and car...cleaning my apartment...dicking around with vera enjoying our late night shopping tyrades and drives through the ohio country side....visiting my mother and awkward brother....running into "old friends" which is always well...awkward....playing hockey and watching the food network in between episodes of "this american life" and " a prairie home companion" on my itunes podcasts...ill tinker in my kitchen with my knives and skillets making something id rather feed to someone else....sadly that someone else is gone...in a far away land known only as UK....with me in the back of her head only as a distant memory of things not to look for in a potential boyfriend.im not sad about it...but i think about it frequently.
the time has come for me to move forward...again theres not much that keeps me here other than a few close friends and some family...she is what made me continually put up with this nuisance of a third rate city....well...im fucking tired of it...i wanna work in "the bigs" with all those other assholes who have demo shows on the food network and day time tv those assholes with books under their belt...i wouldnt mind making my bones in some shithole restaurant in rogers park...midtown manhattan...shit even back in minneapolis at some 2 star sushi hole with "cheap sushi"....so...thats what im gonna go do.
but then i take a drive...breathe in the toxic carbons that flood my menthol 100's...and relax for a second...its not so fucking bad....for now.
sooner or later its the end thatll make a mess of me....that long faithful goodbye to whomever trying hard to explain to them that ill be back to visit...but i wont be...
im already long gone...
the sad part is ive isolated myself so much that everyone is too fucking clueless to notice it.
so this is my preemptive strike
...ive wasted almost two years in this hole trying to prove myself...and ive done so...IM ZAGAT FUCKING RATED...IN USA TODAY...CIN WEEKLY...blah blah blah...IM IMPORTANT
so its time for me to blow this popsicle stand in search of something more suitable for my hipster upscale wanna be lifestyle....whatever i wanna be is entirely up to me...but ill tell you this i dont wanna be in cincinnati for the rest of my natural life making soba noodles and mongolian beef for retirees or pushing reheated caccitore through a window with a bunch of aging high school drop out waitstaff....i dont wanna be some fucking waif wandering around clifton or northside hawking "organic" vegetables...i dont wanna be that surly bartender i see every night pissed off because i didnt "go west young man" or what have you...because im more than capable of blowing the fucking doors off any given spot in the city...those who choose to be miserable...shall remain that way...and i my friends...have been miserable for far too long.
i refuse to let the days pass me by here...its not a bad place...its just not for me anymore.